Oh Dazy Days...
I just realised that I've been in a daze for the past weeks (or maybe months). But the effect of the cycle is kicking in hard recently, mostly when I'm on my own. I've been 'stoning' quite a bit too. Don't know why leh. I'm not exactly experiencing any problems in my life. I checked up the internet and according to research (validity uncertain) I may have just hit the onset of the age range where mid-life crisis is most common, hahaha, haha, ha...sigh... Something interesting from Wikipedia:
Certain characteristics displayed by individuals experiencing a mid-life crisis often include but are not limited to:
1. search of an undefined dream or goal (ar? what dream, what goal?)
2. desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness (i don't have a problem with my age leh)
3. acquisition of unusual or expensive items such as clothing, sports cars, jewelery, gadgets, tattoos etc. (erm...not that rich, maybe gadgets, but that existed way before)
4. paying extra special attention to physical appearance (my bigger problem is that i don't)
5. need to spend more time alone or with certain peers (hmmm... i can identify with that)
6. a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished (i've learnt how to let go and move on)
7. a desire to initiate new sexual partnerships (ahhahahaha!!! rofl!!!)
They can also produce the following symptoms:
1. abuse of alcohol (*hic* - haha!)
2. conspicuous consumption (siao! i'm not so boh liao...and not so rich)
3. depression (not to that extend)
The above diagnosis doesn't make sense, thank God, so I don't think I'm experiencing such a crisis.
Maybe I'm just tired. Haven't been able to sleep well, waking up more than once in the middle of the night, actually more like early in the morning. The worst thing is to wake up at 5.30am when my alarm is set at 7am. So very tempted to go back to sleep but I know very well that if I do, it would be like I've only slept for 1.5 hours...but I always give in...back to sleep, only to wake up tired...very tired. Then I'd be in my "stoning" state the whole day, but yet unable (or rather unwilling) to sleep early. Oh gosh...I think this is the reason.
Does that mean I really need to keep myself from giving in to my sleep if I wake up at 5.30am again? Aiyoh...!!! Ok lah, let's see how. I can say I'd do it now, but at 5.30am in the morning, it would be a different story altogether.
Maybe it's a good thing. I've asked to be prayed for regarding intimacy with God - to know God as more than just a deity, but as who He really is to me, and what's in His heart. I'm fully aware that God knows who I am, inside out. That's why I find it easy to confide in Him because I don't have to explain much. Yet I think I'm afraid to go further. There seems to be a blockage somewhere and I pray for God to remove that barrier. So maybe for the extra 1.5 hours in the morning, I can be spend time reading the Bible or praying. Hmmm...sounds like a plan.
God, please help me!
Certain characteristics displayed by individuals experiencing a mid-life crisis often include but are not limited to:
1. search of an undefined dream or goal (ar? what dream, what goal?)
2. desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness (i don't have a problem with my age leh)
3. acquisition of unusual or expensive items such as clothing, sports cars, jewelery, gadgets, tattoos etc. (erm...not that rich, maybe gadgets, but that existed way before)
4. paying extra special attention to physical appearance (my bigger problem is that i don't)
5. need to spend more time alone or with certain peers (hmmm... i can identify with that)
6. a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished (i've learnt how to let go and move on)
7. a desire to initiate new sexual partnerships (ahhahahaha!!! rofl!!!)
They can also produce the following symptoms:
1. abuse of alcohol (*hic* - haha!)
2. conspicuous consumption (siao! i'm not so boh liao...and not so rich)
3. depression (not to that extend)
The above diagnosis doesn't make sense, thank God, so I don't think I'm experiencing such a crisis.
Maybe I'm just tired. Haven't been able to sleep well, waking up more than once in the middle of the night, actually more like early in the morning. The worst thing is to wake up at 5.30am when my alarm is set at 7am. So very tempted to go back to sleep but I know very well that if I do, it would be like I've only slept for 1.5 hours...but I always give in...back to sleep, only to wake up tired...very tired. Then I'd be in my "stoning" state the whole day, but yet unable (or rather unwilling) to sleep early. Oh gosh...I think this is the reason.
Does that mean I really need to keep myself from giving in to my sleep if I wake up at 5.30am again? Aiyoh...!!! Ok lah, let's see how. I can say I'd do it now, but at 5.30am in the morning, it would be a different story altogether.
Maybe it's a good thing. I've asked to be prayed for regarding intimacy with God - to know God as more than just a deity, but as who He really is to me, and what's in His heart. I'm fully aware that God knows who I am, inside out. That's why I find it easy to confide in Him because I don't have to explain much. Yet I think I'm afraid to go further. There seems to be a blockage somewhere and I pray for God to remove that barrier. So maybe for the extra 1.5 hours in the morning, I can be spend time reading the Bible or praying. Hmmm...sounds like a plan.
God, please help me!
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