Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

Today was a day of emotional roller coaster...yet I can't tell anybody about it except Abba. Cos He knows me inside out, outside in. I might as well just tell Him lur. At work, where else can I go, except school toilet. Cos I was afraid that it would hurt so much as I pour out to God that I would drop tears. It's tough to be vulnerable. But that's part of loving that I cannot avoid. If you want to open your heart to love, you have to be prepared to get hurt. But that's how we develop this aspect of the spiritual fruit of love, by choosing to love when the loving gets tough, or rough, or not reciprocated. Cos agape love does not expect love in return, it's unconditional. I'm hurt because I'm expecting something in return, be it words, deeds, and/or the lack of. Thank God I have Him to run to. His Spirit will comfort and give grace so I will not fall into the trap of self-pity. I believe this package is God-sent. Cos I asked God to enlarge my capacity to love.

One of my favourite songs about two decades ago was this - Father Me. The lyrics tells me a lot about what my Abba Father has done, is doing and would do for me. Singing this song fills me up with gratitude for who God is to me. The title of the song itself appealed to me then, perhaps because that was, and has been, what I longed for. Without realizing it, my Heavenly Father has filled the void within me that I never knew I had. Sometimes Abba would gently remind me and make me realise how being a child of God has protected me from the effects of a lack of a father figure in my life since way back in my upper primary school years. My contact with the people around me and what I watch on the screens sometimes stir up the aching within me. Yet, God would gently remind me that He has been, and still is my Father so that what I've lost is insignificant to what I have in Him. Sometimes my carnal self wanders and tries to look for a replacement in this messed-up world. My lack of faith,

Yesterday...why am I always writing about yesterday? Well, perhaps because I've not been able to get home before midnight. So since I'm starting this entry before 0000 hrs, you bet your dollars I'm going to write about today. Even if it's a short one. But, yesterday was an eventful day, too. So, why not?! Well, my day started early yesterday because my Choir is rostered for Praise & Worship for 1st and 2nd Services. Reached Church at 7am, did about 10 minutes of vocal warm up and proceeded to join the band for rehearsal. Conducting the Choir is quite fun. It's 1) a form of expression of the songs 2) physical exercise under the spotlight = perspire a lot, a lot 3) testing my patience when the singers don't look at me 4) testing my patience when the worship leader don't give enough notice for instructions and I give the signal...just laugh it off with the Choir 5) building of confidence with the on-the-job training in conducting...a bit cmi Dear Pastor Yan

Yesterday, my 'Cher listened to my playing. How he managed to evaluate, I don't know. Cos I was accompanied by the song, I mean, piece, playing on his laptop...and other "helpful" people on the trumpet and flute. Thanks, erm, for the encouragement. I can't even hear myself lah! And I thought they hated BRS. Anyway, I was given a new piece to learn - Ammerland. So happy leh! Like promotion like that. My tonguing still CMI lah, but Kenneth also tried my clarinet and commented on the reed and padding problems. Heehee...so it's not just me lur! I sent away my clarinet for repair in the evening cos the guy was here to collect the rest of the instruments for repair. I needed to fix the corking (and now, padding) asap. I'm tired of taping both ends of the upper section to keep the clarinet from falling apart. $50 one leh, what you expect? Hopefully it will really make a difference to my learning progress. Can't wait to get it back! Meanwhile, I shall victimiz

Went to the Singapore Zoo yesterday with Kenneth, Jing Ting, Li Hong, Hilyah, Raphael, Xueping and Huizhen. Thanks to Raphael, we got in for free. It has been donkey years since I've been to the Zoo, so I was quite excited about it. And with the company of people I was going with, I was sure we were going to have a fun time...and indeed I wasn't disappointed. The day before we planned to pack some food stuff so we don't have to eat from the expensive F&B outlets. We didn't want to end up like the day where TP Band performance was at Jurong Bird Park: Pau - $2; (soggy) Chicken Pie - $3.50; Hotdog - $6.50. Many people went hungry. Heart pain... So, we packed lots of food which lasted us the whole trip and all the easterners met at Eunos MRT station before we head to Jurong East MRT station to meet Raphael. Here's a bad attempt to capture everyone on the train. We then met Hilyah, the northerner at Choa Chu Kang MRT station and headed to the bus terminal to catch b

Law Wei, Kenneth, Jing Ting, Grace & Me - Recce Trip @ Jurong Bird Park... TP Band after Jurong Bird Park Performance...told you guys the back portion is too dark... Me & Wee Gek...trying to fan off Li Hong's hand from obstructing... Me & Wee Gek again...after failed attempt by Li Hong trying to obstruct with his hand... Jolene & me on the bus to JBP...cool posers... The Untouchables - Law Wei , Wei Jie, Li Hong, Jia Wei ... Me & Hilyah...the 2 professional posers... Me & the boys - (Clockwise) Wee Gek, Wei Jie, Kenny, Li Hong...

Today, my heart is filled with deep gratitude to God's answered prayer. This morning, I woke up earlier than scheduled from shock that I might have overslept because I forgot to set my alarm clock. I had deactivated it because I set it too early the day before and it rang 12 hours earlier. Anyway...the sky looked a bit gloomy and so I prayed and asked God for good weather because my TP Band is performing at Jurong Bird Park today. I even asked 大姐 to activate Rachel and Roy to pray, too. Around reporting time, it started to rain. That kinda tested my faith. In my heart I was thinking...nevermind, we still have to go through everything as planned anyway. No point worrying. So tuning and warm ups were carried out and when the time came for us to load the logistics and members, the rain had stopped. The sky remained dark and threatening even throughout the whole performance from 2pm to about 3pm. But I did ask for a "pillar of cloud" to cover us from the afternoon sun. Right

It's 1am of the 2nd day of Band Camp 07. I came straight back to TP from Church Camp at Putrajaya Marriott on Wednesday night and only managed to catch at most 1 hour of sleep. The Management Committee stayed up till real late to tie up what's to be done the next day (yesterday). It was a whole day of activities for 1st day of the camp. A few hiccups here and there (had to go hands on to help clean the flour from PCEO's parking lot...it was one of the game stations) but I think those who bothered to have fun, had fun. I'm quite pleased that most of them were really sporting. Majority stayed on overnight and some are watching Swing Girls right at this moment even as I'm writing this entry. I think the band camp is quite a success. We'll know by this evening from the feedback forms, I guess. Few of the Alumni members came by during the BBQ session in the evening. Mark, Claire, Jackson, Eileen, Gerard, and even Baldwin were there...there's this other person...c

Things I learn from students never fail to amuse me. Like the word, "random". I've learnt it is a thought or action that's not in line with the existing train of thoughts or conversation... something that would cause a respond, "Where did that come from?" Sometimes, they awe me with their knowlege and skills. So young and they are already so good with their instruments. Well, most of them. At least it's more than enough to cause goosebums when I hear the whole band play. Most of all, their thoughts and their heart move me and compels me to do things. I'm falling in love with them...even the ones that seem to be not so lovable on the outside. I think there's still God's grace to help me CHOOSE to love them...put forward the first step. And they are indeed worth loving, no matter what. If God can love me, I can love anybody. I believe it is our own weakness that limit our capacity to love. It's our own pride that causes us to take offence e

Just got back...from Esplanade again. Went to watch The Philharmonic Winds - Behind Wooden Bars Concert at the Concert Hall. It was really an eye-opener for me. I went with Jing Ting. Kenneth was with his friend, Xinling. We were seated in the same row, but quite a few seats away. Nicholas Soh was there and Wayne too. Anyway, they are really 名不虚传. Not that I know very much about evaluating band performances, but I can only say, in layman's term, I enjoyed myself. Segments that kept me awake (cos I was really very tired) were the Marimba performance by Prof Kevin Bobo, the last piece - Les Trios Notes du Japan by Toshio Mashima, their showmanship, the entertaining conductor , Dr John Boyd, who was also emcee-ing, and the fact that he knows the composers of some of the pieces played. To me, that's like so "unreal"! I was looking forward to having supper with Kenneth and his friends, but I didn't want to make everybody awkward with me around. So me and Jing Ting left

Just got back from Esplanade with Kenneth and Jing Ting. Since the last round of oyster omelette with Kenneth just a few days ago, I've been craving to go back. Kenneth was nearby for SMU band practice. The rest of his mates were going for a movie at the new cine. So he didn't mind waiting for us to finish the Camp meeting in school to join him there. The only person who didn't mind travelling all the way there for supper is Jing Ting. So, both of us took a cab down to Esplanade and found Kenneth by himself checking his emails at one of the tables at the Hawkers' Centre. We ordered quite a bit...oyster omelette, fried hokkien mee, char kway teow, sambal kang kong, and sting ray. After almost finishing everything on the table, Kenneth couldn't take the bass from the pub next door and so we made our move out of that place. I was still thirsty so we walked to this Xin Wang Hong Kong Cafe at Marina Square. We had a round of beverage and then I ordered this 红豆冰 . When it

Left it in the Band Room yesterday since we went back home real late after the mahjong session. I reckon that I won't have any energy to practice. Then today, with the last minute division lunch at A-Roy Thai along Siglap Road, I didn't get any clarineting time in this afternoon either. So with my "clever" movie plan I thought I might get a chance to practice after work. So I continued leaving it in the band room, and even left half of the aircon on. But at the end of the day, I heard from Cat that Loi is coming to pick her to Vivocity! Such a coincidence lah! It was a lift not to be missed... After "clinching the deal", I realised the consequence of my action. But it's too late...not very nice if Loi had to drive me to TAC, do whatever I need to do, and move off again. So...now I'm home...without my clarinet, for one full day and night without practice!! Sob... Anyway, on the way back to school after lunch, I dropped by Talent Music to pick up a cou

I think they're really classy, those white clear folder files. All 90 of them were delivered to the Band Room at around 11.20am (060607). Managed to settle the transport for bus and truck for the Jurong Bird Park performance. Phew! New vendor...Ming Yu Jiang Express, recommended by Kenneth. Mr See is the boss with an assistant called Grace. Had a chance to do some clarineting this afternoon after lunching with Cat. Thought I'd do just half an hour cos that's what was left of my lunch hour (ate at about 1.30pm). When I reached the studio, I ended up fixing keys: put all the instrument cupboard keys into a big cue card ring (they look like jailer's bunch of keys now); ring up the noticeboard key and added it to the bunch of keys; added colour key caps to the QM cabinet key (green) and scores library cabinet key (blue). Now the Studio 1 key would look the most happening in the SAA keypress. Colour-coding...adds freshness and variety to life. In other words, another form of

9:35pm. Today is one of the earlier nights that I'm back at home. Almost the whole school is having term tests this week. Today we didn't keep to our plan to celebrate 5-6-7 by lunching at some fancy place...forgot that ToP Table is closed for study week. It'll probably resume business only after term break. A recent-x-colleague was back for an interview at another dept so I decided to give him the 'Wheel of Wisdom' for 'Where To Find True Love? ', as planned. It's something funny, something that, of all people, he would definitely appreciate the humour of it. Near to lunchtime, went to check out the steel cabinets at the Band room. Out of the 6, only 2 are lockable with available keys. The rest are either without keys (can't lock...and one can't even open), or has faulty lock. After that is done, I began clarineting for about an hour. Kenneth so sweet lah. Cos when I started practising "Blue Ridge Saga", he came over without saying a w

It's 050607 today. It's going to be a beautiful day...that was what my colleague said yesterday. We're even going to celebrate by lunching together...which we seldom do. Cheap thrills... An exciting beginning is a good beginning. So here's another new blog, a new entry, a brand new day!