Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

On The Side Of Me - Corrinne May ON THE SIDE OF ME By Corrinne May I'm not the easiest person to love I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved Yet you choose to be On the side of me On the side of me Yeah you choose to be On the side of me On the side of me I'm not too proud of some things I've done in my life The skeletons in my closet Are too big for me to hide Yet you choose to be On the side of me On the side of me Blessed Charity You're on the side of me On the side of me 'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold When it's cold outside and there's no place to go Everyone needs a friend to hold All alone I cried There was no place to go I remember when nobody cared But you I'm not the easiest person to love But you, you've opened your heart To show me what I'm worth 'Cause you choose to be On the side of me On the side of me What a mystery You're on the side of me On the side of me 'Cause everyone needs a friend to hold Wh

Life is not just about getting things done most efficiently, but effectively. My experience tells me that being effective includes the element of relationship. God's mercy and grace in my life taught, and is still teaching me that we need to be tolerant towards people's mistakes and be gracious towards their inadequacy and incompetence. Even if it's not for the noblest reason of love, just face the fact that we simply...don't have it all! Isn't it true that we all have our own share of inadequacy and incompetence? Hence, the need for interdependence. And interdependence can't flourish without relationship. Moreover, if we don't have the heart and time to nurture another, I don't suppose we are in any position to treat people in such a way that they would know "how is it like in the real world." I fear that we, yes, even for myself, would become condescending - in words, in silence, in action, or the lack of. Yes, it's important that we get

I think my season of waiting has changed in its direction. A certain season of waiting has taught me what it is to be waiting actively. I heard someone illustrating that waiting on the Lord is like waiting for a bus at the bus stop. You know it's coming, but you don't know at which precise moment it would come. Of course now with the IRIS technology you could actually anticipate the arrival of your bus to the precise minute, but you get the drift... So, you wait. And you can do whatever you want as you wait - listen to your mp3, read a book, chat with a friend. But you're actively waiting and constantly looking out for your bus to come. But I think I've been waiting for the wrong bus that's taking me to the wrong place. Or perhaps it is more appropriate to say that I'm already on that bus, but I just realised that it's the wrong one. Now I'm alighting to change to another to take me to where I'm supposed to go. That's the grace of God. For He all

Drove a long way to CPC yesterday after lunch with cell group. Haven't been able to visit for quite a while. Think it was probably the 2nd or 3rd time since I started driving. It's either I forgot to bring my pass or there were some personal/work/worship ministry matters to attend to. And many times, our week was cancelled by the prison authorities. Anyway, I've resorted to keeping my pass in the car. We were given instruction previously that it was going to be on Sat morning instead. So now that it's back to Sunday afternoon, I can mark down all the scheduled 1st and 3rd Sundays in my schedule again. Can't blog about our exchanges with the boys. I can only say that it was quiet, as usual. Did an impromptu sing-along session. I won't call it Praise & Worship cos I seldom find myself engaged in that way, especially not when I'm struggling on the mis-tuned guitar. Couldn't play using those chords written on the song file so had to play every song in a

Woke up feeling tired and aching all over. Didn't sleep well and still a bit under the weather, so decided to give the afternoon wedding ceremony a miss. Did a bit of blog-surfing as I lazed around. Felt a bit heart-heavy for a short few minutes. Short but enough for some tough soul-searching, remembering that I've told myself to let go and put my focus on what I've set out in the beginning. Consciously, and unconsciously, I have started to stray. I've overestimated myself, perhaps. In the end, the word of God still stands - the heart is deceitful. As much as I would like to indulge in how I felt I should be regarded, I knew that it would only make me greedy. Sure, all I want is to get back a little, but I know all too well that the little would soon grow. Nonetheless, as little as it may seem now, compared to the unconditional love that I want to give, I'm asking for way too much. Go and die...die to unsatisfied yearnings that even though they seem justified in the

"Hey! Good news! I manage to loan car for leng...from friend who will be away for wks. Sori to have imposed on you knowing your concern about Pam and David's reaction but thanks for still agreeing to swap despite that." Woohoo! So Matrix stays with me this long weekend! Happiness! Well, my schedule's going to be quite packed so thank God I don't have to be a road hazard to the Singapore motorists behind the wheels of a manual van (although I did initially think of getting a Kangoo before). It's wedding on Saturday afternoon and dinner in the evening. Would probably stay out the whole day. Maybe go catch a movie or something. See how. Or go some place quiet, read a book, and scribble down some notes on my OPPC. The eNotebook version of OPC (Off-Peak Car), haha... Sunday's service, prison visit, and Worship Ministry Bowling session. So many places to go! Monday...still not decided. Maybe getting some jamming studio accessories. See how, see how...

What am I going to do when you are away to a faraway land? I'm so used to going places with you. Ever since you came into my life, I've spent some of my most personal and private moments with you. Yet, I can't bring myself to keep you to myself, or I would be accused of being selfish again. But, but, but...you're mine! Oh Matrix! *sobs* Sigh, nearly my whole family is going to Kota Tinggi without me. I was scheduled for Sunday duty this weekend, but who knows the structural change would take effect so soon. So I'm not on this week...but I've then committed myself to attending my friends' wedding dinner. Haiyah...bad timing... But good luck to them with the petrol consumption. Matrix drinks petrol like water. Here's where they're going... http://www.kota-rainforest.com.my/ Tomorrow I will have to part with Matrix for 3 whole days, thanks to the long weekend, and I'd have to make do with my brother-in-law's manual-transmission Fiat Doblo, aka v

Went to watch Iron Man at GV Vivo City. It was complimentary, thanks to Jardin Smith International, our land investment company. The show was somewhat enjoyable, reminded me of Transformers, with a bit of romance in it. The latter was technologically and visually more spectacular, except for the ending which was really corny. Anyway, I probably wouldn't pay to watch repeats of neither. After that was dinner at Hog's Breath. Food was ok, but service was very slow and they mixed up the orders, too. Don't think I would go there again. Upcoming is another crazy week. The following would be worse...gotta see to 9 sessions of graduation ceremony performances and 1 in the VIP reception. Truly looking forward to the public holiday on 19 May. History seems to be repeating itself again. Maybe it's another round of lesson to be learnt. I don't think it will ever end, since I'm far from perfect. Whatever it is, looks like I better start preparing bandages. This month alone

My Abba Father was there with me, alright, when I was alone with Matrix that Thursday afternoon. I wrote down in my journal that day, and as I scribbled, I came to the realisation then that He is such a gracious God. He didn't turn me away just because my first instinct was not to run to Him. He was not offended. Abba was there even before I knew that I needed Him and was gracious to listen and answer my cry for comfort and strength. And I knew it because He made His presence known. I was able to talk to the source of my frustration openly and honestly the next day without any grudge. I've learnt before that day that I can't expect my actions to change others. Many times, it is necessary to humble myself to even see that it is my attitude and mindset that need twigging. Be it to the other person, the situation, but ultimately, it's God I'm facing. It doesn't matter even if it seems that I'm losing out by 'giving in'. In God's eyes, as far as this