Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

Another bluey from En bar. I'm blogging onsite now :D The kimchi fried rice today is presented quite differently, and the taste is a bit off. The bacon-wrapped enoki and oyster are ok, too. These seem like the usual combo crave whenever I visit my god brother, MM, here. Gave him a surprise just now...hur hur! Oh ya, he wants me to mention here that the drink was mixed by him, but doesn't have a name. Hmmm... I'll call it, Blue Ocean Dive, and he has endorsed the name. Yay! Oh, talk about food. Had Subway on Saturday before going for the SIBF Finals for the Open Division. That was probably my first meal since my last in Perth donkey years ago. Think I had the one-foot long sandwich. Kenneth recommended the wrap cos I wanted something light. It was good - satisfying but it felt healthy. I asked for just sliced olive and lettuce, yummy! A hearty meal indeed :) I liked the olives so much that I went cold storage yesterday to get 100g :P Think I might visit Subway again soon. To

I meant to write this earlier...I thought after the almost hit-and-run supper last night I might be able to get home to catch another episode of some criminal drama. But it turns out... channel 5 was broadcasting a game of soccer. *Yawn* My plan to post some thoughts during commercial breaks was further thwarted because my poor cyber connection made the hourglass tip to the next day. Ok, nevermind, no big deal. Just that by the time it's decently connected, I was probably on halfway's journey toward Lalaland... Ya ya...I've been whining about my internet connection a lot lately but I can't find my LAN cable to attempt rectifying the problem. Don't even know how or if that'll solve the problem. I'm probably HARPING on this more than whatever has befallen me. And on that I have discovered something about myself... At this moment, I feel quite satisfied about how I've turned out in certain aspect of my life. I did a small semi-conscious experiment on myself

I've this thing about being abandoned. I HATE IT! I felt it yesterday. Yesterday's came in waves, from morning till evening. I felt like disappearing, like why should I even bother when others are not. But if I do disappear, I would just become like an abandoner myself. Gotta be careful, cos I know how it feels to be an abandonee. It's happened to me before, by people around me, of all affiliations. When you are abandoned, you are preferred over another, no longer regarded as important, would rather have nothing to do with, bailed out of. People make a choice to exclude your presence and have no interest in your feelings, or worse, despite knowing how you would feel. Sometimes it is not personal, but because of your strong attachment to something (e.g. a group) or another person, you somehow can't help getting affected if your attachments have been looked over. Being abandoned can do quite a bit to a person's self-worth and self-esteem. If it has been done to you lo

My internet at home has been giving me problem lately. Even the 'critical' message that has been appearing on my laptop screen everytime I start up didn't outlive this persistent irritation. Anyway, so I haven't been able to blog properly. So here's something I wrote during my trip to Genting in the beginning of this week. Tuesday, 22 July 2008, 12pm Sitting outside the hotel lobby at Genting, enjoying the cool breeze of the highlands is almost like my ideaof 'a relaxing afternoon'. I have a book to read and probably a beveragefrom Starbucks later. Amidst the noises around me which I'm oblivious to as I'm plugged in to Nano, I'm feel so serene. At this moment, I wish you were here with me for the usual exclusive time we spend together. Sometimes I feel that we connected, and I am so engaged with you that it allows me a glimpse of who you are. Those are the moments I treasure the most. Though rare and far between, I'd rather spend time with yo

It has been showers of blessings yesterday and the day before. Well, mainly yesterday. Sky juice poured so heavily it got me a little concern and looking up to heaven with plea. How were my band kids gonna move around with their instruments? They're going to be drenched! Thank God the sky turned clear by the time Kenneth and I reached opposite school to get vegetarian food. Early that afternoon (Saturday), my eldest sis brought her twin and my mom to celebrate my birthday with 2 little cakes and sang me a bilingual birthday song. Haha...so cute. At the concert in the evening, a few band alumni came with the 'zhao cai mao' soft toy. When we reached school after the performance at VCH, an sms from Mr Tan sent hope to the hearts of many, me included, of course. It was like double shots of joy! At the end of the day, Kenneth handed me a Rico reed case just before he alighted from Matrix, say it's from him, Wei Cheah, Ignatius, Jasmin, and Alan. Thanks wor! In words and in p

My Joybook is getting crankier by the day. It's been almost, or more than 5 years since I bought it. Can't really remember. Most techies would say that it's justifiable to change, esp since laptop is like so affordable now. Previously the problem was just space. So lack of space that the machine can't even defrag. So insulting... But now, on top of that, there's critical error messages that pops up everytime I power up the machine. And I can't even access my usual web pages. So upset. Maybe it IS time to change. Or should I give it another chance. Reformat and do some housekeeping of the software to retain only what I need. I'm not a power user, so it may still be good enough for me. Got to first solve the back-up issue - figure out my external hard disk...why can't I read what I've sync-ed into it? For a couple of days I toyed with the idea of converting to a macbook. It reminded me of my conversion from Nokia to Sony Ericsson, passenger seat to dri

I'm sitting in my office right now, on a Saturday afternoon. A few hours more and it would be our turn to play for the adjudicators at the 2nd National Band Competition at Victoria Concert Hall. This is the first time that this tertiary band is participating in a competition. I recently realised that all of my students have most probably been through a band competition, so they would actually be more experienced than me. I remember feeling a bit helpless on a few occasions. It's like, as the so-called teacher-in-charge, I haven't really done much to prepare them. Did I miss out anything? But this feeling of incompetence is really the least of our concerns. I'm glad that they seem to be able to keep things together - the conductor, the committee, the SLs, the members, all doing their part as who they are, and with what they have - skills, time, life's priority. At these final hours, I wonder what's in their minds. I'll see them in a bit. Anyway, even if some

My so-called first day at work today (070708) since my official MC from 16 June. Early in the morning, open email and got a shock. Ok, the first shocking encounter was to see my colleague's shaven head. She did 'pre-warn' us over the weekend that she actually did it. She and my recently ex-ed colleague went to support the cancer movement or something. She looks good, actually. From the picture, the other one looks quite okay, too. Makes me feel like shaving mine...though I must confess that it wouldn't be for the same cause. Anyway, I may not look good with the shape of my head. That's what's holding me back. Quite a few of my colleagues have either resigned or in the midst of completing their one month after tendering notice. One is transferring back to becoming a lecturer at BUS again. I wouldn't say I wasn't the least moved by all the going out's. A few recent events have also left me discouraged and wondering if I actually have what it takes to d

Haven't been in the pink-est of health lately. Physically, mentally, psychologically, whatever-ly... well, the whole package. Missed out quite a few events at the office, though I honestly wouldn't say it hasn't been a bit of a drag to turn up either. Besides the ailment, it's probably also because I've been kind of down and out, discouraged, unmotivated - signs of burnout. Despondence... Hopelessness can be quite a killer virus if you don't get out of its grip of depression. Thank God there was somewhat like a shift of the circumstance and from within me. Things turn out to be not so bleak and gloomy. For one, the sharing session at CPC this afternoon was finally over and done with. That was a big block off my shoulder. As much as I am appreciative of the opportunity to share the word of God, I can't deny that I actually dreaded it. I dreaded it because of fear. I mean, what if I interpret it wrongly? What if whatever I say doesn't make sense and confus

I felt such an urge to just click on you and chat over msn. Funny how some people could misunderstand that I'm writing about them on my blog when I was pouring out my heart and soul about a totally different person on a totally unrelated incident. On the other hand, there were other occasions where I wrote about my feelings towards somebody, only hoping that the object of my post would know...yet I know it was meant to be just a hope. For that person's sake I won't reveal cos it's not fair and there's really no point to impose my affection on others. That's why, no matter how tempted I am, I have to keep clear. Like I said before, sometimes loving a person means to stay away. I think I've been quite successful in doing that. It was quite painful at first because there was that need to show that I cared. Then when I bare it all out, I realised...that's my need. It's not what my beloved required. Have I really changed in this short period of a few mont