Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

It was our first session at AG Home tonight. 6 female volunteers and about 20 something teenage girls supervised by their AD, in one old classroom, coming together in a manner which would never have been possible if not for the love and grace of God. This is a new initiative by CCSC which would only occupy the fifth Monday of the month - as and when there's one. So the next session to be conducted by this team is in Jan 2012. Led worship today, accompanied on the guitar by Christine. 赞美主, Let Evereything That Has Breath, and Still. Went through the songs very briefly - the girls sang especially loudly for the 3rd song. The session was a bit draggy, I thought. The girls were a little restless but I guess most of them were tired. Not many were believers but they were generally cooperative. It was a rather enjoyable experience. What would it take for them to worship God for real?

Today has been a really eventful day. Woke up early morning at 6.15am for rehearsal in Church at 7am. After Praise and Worship session, I ducked out of service to meet up with the team going to minister at Andrew and Grace Home chapel tomorrow. Straight after, I drove to Siew Chin's at Choa Chu Kang for 1pm lunch. Her mom cooked yam abacus, yummmmm... Hung around watching some Taiwanese variety show on her very comfortable couch. Lost track of time if not for Siew Fong's reminder that it was already 4.15pm. I left almost immediately to RP but not before given a pack of yam abacus and an iPod radio player - Siew Chin had an extra unit originally a bought for Siew Fong but she didn't want it. Anyway, Guna had asked me to sing for an event. It was only on arrival at RP's Agora Hall LT 5 that I realized it was the World Tamil Writers Conference. The performance was ok. Fortunately it was an informal performance setting and that allowed me to refer to lyrics. Performed "

Turn your eyes upon Jesus Look full in His wonderful face And the things on earth will grow strangely dim In the light of His glory and grace It feels lousy to base my perception on people's facial expression. First of all, you don't know whether it is in sync with what they are really thinking. But because of past encounters and what self-perception, things seem bleak. It's probably stupid to let myself indulge in self-pity. Isn't it naive to expect bosses to be genuinely loving and merciful. I hate self-pity. I need the discipline to get out of it and not let it paralyse me. Lately I find myself sighing a lot. I think I'm feeling a little demotivated and I hate the fact that I actually let it out instead of keeping it in when I'm in front of others. I'm a bad testimony against the hope I'm supposed to have in Christ. Tsk, I did it again! :( Where has all my love gone to? Don't you remember, Cynthia, to love only those who love you has no benefits?

I get it, you want me to improve. Sometimes, perhaps the imperfection in people - both the sender and the receiver - causes the message not to sit well. Perhaps I just can't get the hint. Or the hardness of it is a result of my naive perception of how such message should be sent - out of love. But I forgot that this is an imperfect world. They don't operate out of love. At least the one who appraises you is not obliged to provide that conducive environment to tell you you're not doing a good enough job and you need to improve.

The date today is like a waltz. It was a good day, albeit a slip down the same lane. Bugger... Anyway, besides the fact that it's Children's Day, it's also 大姐's birthday. All of us, except David's family, went to her house to celebrate her forty-... better don't say :S Haha, anyway, as usual, it's just eat and eat, laze around, chit chat. It's a relaxing and enjoyable family affairs, as always. 大姐 has always been perceived as the stabilizer in the family. She took care of almost everything about mom during her few episodes of surgery and cancer treatments, her claims, etc. Important decisions would get through her to ensure we made the right moves. Something trivia, but I vividly remember her correcting me when she was tutoring my Accounting subject, that I should ask in English, not Teochew. On a more serious note, I know that if I have some life's decision to make, I can turn to her and trust her wisdom on the matter. 大姐 - Blessed Birthday and stay