Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

Christmas season is usually a time for gatherings. And with all the "fei-lou-ship" comes feasting, inevitably. Can you imagine a get-together without food? In Singapore, it's actually quite hard to imagine. Let's count the feasts... 19 Dec - Band Christmas Lunch Buffet @ Downtown East Sakura 24 Dec - Office Christmas Lunch 24 Dec - Family Christmas Dinner @ Peck Hong's (a.k.a. 大姐's house) 26 Dec - Worship Ministry Team Leaders' Meeting cum Christmas Lunch at Caleb's 26 Dec - Cell Group Dinner at (the other) Caleb's Was supposed to go for another Dim Sum buffet this afternoon at Tung Lok but I pulled out the night before for obvious reasons. Yesterday, at both Caleb's, we had turkey...on the same day eh. Wa lau... cannot make it (referring to myself, not the turkey). And I realised... I got quite a lot of presents this year wor! :P I've caused so many people to be blessed (it's more blessed to give than receive mah, hee hee...).

God sees us through and through. There's nothing we can hide from Him. Truly, I find it comforting when I can get beyond my grief and bare my heart to Abba Father. He knows how I feel and why I feel the way I do. In His mysterious way He would show me my heart in the matter and gently correct me so I get the right perspective. Sometimes it's hard for me to accept it but in the end, there's release in that submission. God's ways are higher than man's ways add together. He sees the present from the future so it would only be wise to do it His way, even if at the moment it doesn't seem to make any sense. Release forgiveness and grant grace to those who deliberately rejects acts of kindness. Do not give up on those who are blinded by their own wickedness and see others as themselves. Continue to love. "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual host

So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” (Acts 16:31) When mom told me that she is signing dad up for baptism, I didn't know how to respond. She said she asked dad and he was ok with it. So last week he went through baptism class and the ceremony this evening. Except David's family, the rest of us were there to support. Definitely, an evening to remember. God is so faithful!

Maybe she's right. It's probably better to keep colleague interaction at work, and occasionally just go for a day's outing, evening meal. But friends should be able to go for a short trip together. I guess it depends. Would have to be really close friends who wouldn't mind just sitting around doing nothing and chat about anything under the sun.

"Scars remind us of where we've been but they don't have to dictate where we're going." Call me a sadist, but I used to enjoy peeling the scabs. The deeper the wound, the thicker the dried up scabs. Awesome... Many times things remind us of our past. Sometimes we remind ourselves, sometimes others haunt us with their words and actions. I'm thinking of this song by Kelly Clarkson: Because of you I will never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty Because of you I am afraid Maybe we hold on to it fearfully because we still can't accept that it happened to us. We hang on to the should have's and could have's, rehearsing it over and over. Then when we try to move on and brave a new path, the what if's c

The past few weeks I've brought different people to eat at Pasta Manna on 3 separate occasions. Don't know why, just a craving and a good idea. Haha... We really ate a lot that day. From 12 to 3pm we just sat at the table right in front of my brother's stall - Pasta Manna. Hiromi will be going home soon and she asked me out for lunch. So we set the date for Sat, 12 Dec. She likes local food so I decided to take her to Old Airport Road Hawkers' Centre. Hiromi had Marinara My favourite Aglio Olio *Special* (with meatballs and bacon) Then I ordered the supersized sugar cane drink which we really took our own sweet time to down it while we chat. Supersized Sugar Cane Drink After the food in our stomach were in the correct place, we moved on to dessert. Like what Hiromi said, the temptation is too much. Haha... Hiromi ordered Cheng Tng My Ah Boh Leng In Almond Paste All the while as we progressed from one course to another, Hiromi was happily snapping away. She took the stal

Was at the US Embassy today...ok, yesterday, to be more precise. It was a certificate of appreciation presentation ceremony for those groups that performed for the Daniel Pearl World Music Days that the embassy supported. I was representing our Fusion Percussion Anyway, the journey there was ok. Decided not to drive but just cab there since there's no parking on site, only a few alternatives around the area. Mistake. It was nearly impossible to get a cab back to TP after the event which ended slightly after 5pm. The rain didn't help. THANK GOD I managed to hijack a cab dropping a passenger at the other entrance of Gleneagles Hospital. The taxi queue stood over 20 people (not kidding) and the cabs coming in were rather scarce. God, I hope I won't ever have to be in this situation again... Suddenly, a new found appreciation for dear old Matrix. After that I met up with Francis, a Band alumni for dinner. Wanted to go to David's stall, but...it was closed for washing. Bumm

Watched the 9.15pm Mulan with Ben, Jaslyn and Minyan just now. I can't exactly describe whether I like the show or not, cos the super irritating people in the theatre were laughing at places throughout the whole movie where, really, they weren't funny at all! I tried not to be affected and just concentrate on the movie. I mean, maybe I just didn't get it. Blaming it on a poor sense of humour could perhaps make me feel less irritated. As a result, I think it diluted the intended experience for the audience. Well, at least for me, that's what I think it is. Bummer...

Monday morning sighting...amazing work of nature. Wonder what's the name of the species...looks edible :P~ It feels so much like Saturday today. Met up with Alex and Tiny (pronounced as Tini) yesterday. You know, gather gather, and ate at Pasta Manna - a.k.a. my brother's stall at Old Airport Road Hawkers' Centre. Apparently, pan-fried meatball pasta is their all-time favourite. I like it, too. I even added extra 'toppings' - bacon. Yummy! We ended up ordering the same entre. Both Alex and myself got the set so we had mushroom soup and a slice of garlic bread. Thanks to moi...we got super big portion of pasta at no extra charge :P In addition, Alex ordered the supersized (dinosaur) sugarcane and 15 sticks of pork satay. I must say, the pork satay tastes really good. Seldom you'd get to eat pork satay, for obvious reason. We were really filled and satisfied by the end of the meal. So good we decided that the next round, we'd get a few others to join in. And j

Writings on the walls at the backstage of Victoria Concert Hall. What do you think?

I can't sleep. Actually, it's more like I don't dare to go to sleep now. May not wake up in time for 2nd Service later. Slept in the morning yesterday, too. Then woke up shortly after and decided that I should make a quick trip down to VCH to find things that we left behind from Friday's concert. I was there around 9.30am. Did some crazy stuff just to retrieve things that, I think, was important only to me. Otherwise it wouldn't have ended where I had to go digging with tongs. After I found what I could, there was still some time before my parking coupon expired so I went behind the premise to enjoy the morning scene at the Singapore River. There were Dragon Boat races going on. So cool cos it was right smack in the CBD area so you have the row of skyscrapers behind. There were groups of people jogging, tourists snapping away. The was also a couple of Indian men sitting on the floor, each with a basket containing a snake inside. The duo were appealing to a group of

It has been a while. Music therapy at the Band studio. I have the privilege of being the first audience to listen through the whole repertoire. Wow... So this year's a continuation of the series Avec l'Expression. 3rd installation with the theme "Around The World". And we're really going places...all the way out of school to Victoria Concert Hall. It's about time, after 2 years of sell-out in the school Auditorium of 570-seater. VCH's like 50% more in capacity than the audi, and with the inevitable increase in ticket price, these are just some of the challenges. Well, if we never go, we'll never know! In a few minutes, I'll be counting money again...praying for sell-out again this year. The music's sounding really good, I must say. Come eh! 7.30pm tomorrow (20 Nov 09) at the good old Victoria Concert Hall...

I felt so much love and adoration for Abba Father today. Praise and worship was awesome. Such liberty, and so engaging. Thank You, Father. It was such a great thrill, I want more of it! I felt He has opened the eyes of my heart today to receive the message on zeal. Z = Zeal E = Equals A = Anti L = Lukewarmness Sometimes it seems that we are living in a culture that promotes apathy, unaffectedness. When you appear to be too enthusiastic about something, you get those stares as if you're so uncool. Now, everything has to be cool, smooth, no sweat, chill. If something is really worth living and fighting for, your words, thoughts and deeds would reflect it as it burns inside you. You wouldn't care even if it makes you look like a fool in the eyes of the world. What matters is, what are you passionate about? Jesus was not afraid to flip the tables of those turning His Father's house of prayer into dens of thieves. Are you afraid to stand for God's standard of righteousness?

Very quickly, another day has passed. Work was rather intense today, getting ready behind the scene the upcoming TP Band concert. Searching for supplier to provide food for the band is really a tedious thing to do because we have to get the best deal. Using tax-payers' money mah, need to justify like crazy. Strangely though, sometimes I find such processes quite therapeutic, albeit the long, and sometimes redundant process. Maybe I've been brain-washed, but I really believe there is a place for such guidelines to ensure we are good stewards of the resources entrusted to the officers. The most difficult part is expressing my own, sometimes half-convinced, rationale to the generation I deal with that manages obstacles with a quick-fix mentality. Sometimes I feel sandwiched in between and juggle to keep my sanity that's threatened by managing expectations from on top and below. A lot of brain work there. Yet, it is during such episodes where I feel things taking shape and beco

I don't know why I have this 'obsession' to zoom in on nice-looking dates, and feel the urge to take note of them and blog. It doesn't have to be about what happened that day. Why huh? Maybe cuz they only come once in a lifetime? Duh... Still staying back late quite a abit, and I doubt it'd be any different from now till 20 Nov with the TP Band concert at the Victoria Concert Hall. That's one highlight for me personally as far as work progress is concerned. There's one assignment on Sun, 22 Nov which I need to be present on campus. Then another on Sat, 28 Nov. Those are quite bummers. But I'm going to make it enjoyable no matter what...I should say the same everyday. On a personal basis, I'm really looking forward to the Tim Elmore meetings on 21 Nov. Time Elmore is the author of the series of 3 books entitled 'Habitutes'. Actually the session starts the day before but... Lance Wallnau meetings were really impactful. Need to go through the no

I've been staying out late so much for the past few weeks, it just ain't funny. Oh well, it's part of the job and what I signed up for in the first place... but that was more than a decade ago. Age is catching up, together with an evolvement in various commitments, varying encounters & experiences, and in what I value in life. And so I find myself questioning the meaning in what I do. Just when I was feeling disheartened and frustrated, God showed up. Was at the Transformation meetings last weekend and taking in the message that Lance Wallnau brought with him. I'm still digesting the thoughts rumbling in my head and my heart. Excited, yet a little disorientated. It'll take the next few weeks to organise what I learnt to bring them out in application. But the gist of it is clear - I need to excel in what I do within my circle of influence. Take my position where God has placed me before a counterfeit comes and mess it all up. Singing for that 3 evening meetings a

I'm dealing with it. It's not like it has never happened before. Truly, only God knows why I'm feeling this way. I'm not hiding it from Him...it would be stupid to do so, anyway. If it's just the absence, I can probably say that time will take away the achings. But it's the uncertainty after the period and beyond that is causing me to fluster a little whenever it comes to my mind. I tried to be all cool about it. But deep inside I'm fearing the drift. I find myself involuntarily sighing whenever I think about how bad things seems to have evolved. It's so depressing... The only thing I can do now is...pray. It's not for me to push anyway. I'm not in the position to do so. It's a personal choice. Abba Father, keep us near. You see everything down the road. You know our hearts for You created us. Grace to protect us against hardening of the heart. Grace to cause our ears to hear Your voice, our eyes to see how much we truly need You. Sometimes w

"...I've been waiting my whole life for the right guy to come along...and then you showed up, and you're nothing like the man I imagined. You're cynical and cranky and impossible. But the truth is fighting with you is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I think there's a very good chance that I'm falling in love with you." a love confession from the movie, 27 Dresses. Just watched the movie I bought some time back. It caught my attention. Why? For me to know, and for you to find out. Anyway, it also reminded me of the sermon this morning. I believe it's true that sometimes through an argument we begin to define things. It could be what certain thing or person mean to us, why do we really behave in a certain way, or what is our true motives in doing something. If we're truly honest to God and to ourselves, and would rather be hurt by the truth than make ourselves happy with delusive lies, then I think we are closer to moving towards &

I just read a winning essay on "What The Modern Woman Want..." by a 15-year old Singaporean girl. It was really well-written and it made my heart heavy just reading it. It's about a successful modern woman who was, by the end of the essay, too successful to include her old mother in search of greater happiness in her career, marriage, and life of luxurious pleasures. I feel sad for the mother, and sadder because it could well easily be a true reflection of life lacking in moral values. I'm not activist in filial piety. I know I have caused much grief to my parents with my ignorance and selfishness, anger not controlled enough to attain the 'honour your parents' part of the ten commandments I'm still learning to obey. But time is too short to dwell with regrets. I'd rather redeem it with repentence and change. But that'll take another separate post altogether. My purpose of this post pertains actually to a short paragraph after the essay, probably j

Know my heart for you. Do not be afraid to be convicted (never condemned) by the Holy Spirit. "Go, send or disobey." - John Piper Proverbs 24:11, the wise King said, "Deliver those who are drawn toward death, and hold back those stumbling to the slaughter."

This is the first time I saw it spelt out. Was chatting on FB with Joe, our sound guy all the way from Shillong, India. Then out of no where, he just called me 'Cynthasizer'. I was like? Oh gosh, that's was what the guys from the Worship Ministry used to call me. You see, I used to play the keyboard for Church in the early years. Haha... Brings back some fond memory... It's been a while. I miss Jonathan Lim, Derek Chan (mali chan) and Paul Huang. And Victor, and Hanhua, and Stephanie...and many more. People come, people go. I'm glad my Jesus is the same and always with me yesterday, today, and forever.

I forgot to blog on another important date. Sep 11. But I shall not go too much into it. I'm sure many are solemn in remembrance of those who were sacrificed that day. It's already the ninth one this year and in 2 years, there will be many 10th anniversary of the passing on that same fateful day. So why do I not learn from the mistake and forgot again? Well, I have been busy packing my cluttered room the whole of yesterday. Took leave for the past 2 days just to do that but was too lazy on Thursday. Anyway, I managed to 'surrender' 3 big piles of stuff, like magazines, books, floppy disks (I'm serious). One more yellow plastic bag on the way to be filled. I'm also cataloging my books, music and movies, can you believe that? It's so tedious, mind you. And my personal library is surprisingly huge. I want to cry... See lah, buy, buy, buy!!! But I'm repenting, hence this 'spring' cleaning. I'm working towards a more simple life. GOD HELP ME! Anyw

It's down time for me today, and I think it started since yesterday. You know things are obviously not well when you feel all the should have's and could have's all through the day, and you keep putting off things you need to do before you even tell yourself you are going to put them off. I feel like just going to sleep now and start with a brand new day just to make me feel better. Sigh...but what's the point? Then I'd just be putting it off again. Vicious cycle. So I'm just blogging this to remind myself that on the day after the day that I was supposed to blog because I told myself (for the whole day) I wanted to blog on a day with beautiful date (09.09.09) *take a deep breath* of what a terrible strings of decisions I've made. Hopefully, it'll help to minimize recurrence. I felt like Roman 7:15, "For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do" Or maybe I've overrated m

I love picnics. I think I got it from living in Perth for 3 years, where it's near to the Swan River (not lake), and a huge green pasture called the Esplanade. It's big enough to house a kite festival. Usually during fall or spring season, we'll frequent the area for picnics or barbeque (actually it's more like hotplate and it's free) at this park. It's nice to sit under clear blue sky with cool breeze, and nice grass to sit on. Maybe it's about re-living the feeling of the good old days that I've brought this interest back with me to Singapore. When I first got Matrix, I bought 2 picnic umbrella from IKEA sale, and I've got picnic mats too. So my colleagues and I planned for a picnic a couple of weeks ago and it actually came to pass yesterday! We each contribute different kinds of food to share. As for me, I made vegetarian stir-fry Korean vermicelli. I wanted to put minced pork but one of my colleague's a vegetarian. Yeah, it was home-cooked a

My sister say I look like a teacher in this photo, haha! This morning I had a short online chat with Sis Jane from the Philippines and got to know that Ps Winston's wife, Mary Jane, has delivered a healthy baby girl yesterday (2 Sep 09) morning. I was anxiously waiting for the good news for the whole of yesterday, but those I chatted with didn't seem to know. So was really glad for the confirmation today. Then shortly after, an sms from Maureen really made my day. She conveyed that the baby is named Esther Faith! I was absolutely thrilled, cos last week, over an online chat with Ps Winston, I suggested that name! And I told him in our most recent chat that it was also the first name that Maureen blurted out when I only mentioned to her that I suggested "Faith" (his first girl, Eunice, has a middle name, 'Hope', and faith was much needed for this one). A confirmation further confirmed by the parents themselves. Haha! Sooooo happy! Haha! I think I'm going to

I'm still very much yearning for a chance to be in the Philippines again, in particularly, Santiago, where our mission team was at for the first 6 days of our trip in the middle of this month. The whole experience of being there and being involved together with these great people who embraced God's purpose to reach out to the community just stirred up this longing within me. My heart is telling me I want to do more than what we put our hands into for that week. God has opened my eyes wide and what I saw and experienced have made, and are still making, a deep impact in me. And plus they're celebrating the Cornerstone Church's 5th anniversary with Pst Yang and 'gang' going over just makes my heart itch with the desire to be there. During the trip, for a few hours after the Sunday Service where I preached at, I had a chance to sit down with Cristina, DaBen and JoBoy from the worship team. We were working on the harmony parts for a song that they're going to tea

My thoughts are still slowly settling with the experiences from a mission (exposure) trip which I got back from a couple of days ago. Touched down Singapore at about 1.30am, followed by a series of events scheduled over the weekends. Attending a wake tonight. Haven't had time to blog about it. Like I said, I'll need more time to organise my thoughts. But just a little prelude... The 9 days spent at the Philippines (Santiago and Manila) were meaningful ones filled with thought-provoking moments and self-challenges blessed with God's grace. After 19 years of being with my Church, this is the first time I stepped into the mission field. I'd never really felt compelled to go for one. This might sound a little superficial - I always thought that going for an overseas mission trip is like a 'rite of passage' for every believer. In simple words, I feel kinda lousy when I hear of the exciting stories of Church friends returning, but somehow, I was never convicted to joi

Strangely, I'm feeling a little morbid. I'm just going to be away for 9 days to The Philippines but while I'm packing and settling things at work, bills, travel insurance, it feels as if I won't be coming back again. In less than 8 hours, I'll be on Cebu Pacific to Manila, and then a 8-hour bus ride to Santiago. Yeah, I know, it's going to be a bum-numbing journey. Seriously, I don't know what to expect. Our schedule is not by the hour, not like Church Camp. In a more positive tone, I'm trusting God for His provision and protection. On a not so faith-full sentiment, I feel like I'm a fat lamb on the way to the slaughter house. A death of the unwanted stuff in me. Pride, self-confidence (not that I have much to start with), self-sufficiency. Self. Period. Suddenly, what you think you have, you're kinda losing it. And what you think you don't have, of all days, you're right. It's a test of simple faith that doesn't feel so simple. I

Sang at Ben and Jaslyn's wedding this morning. Was part of the worship team. It was quite different from usual service worship session. Most of the people just stood there. But God was there to grace the event so I had a good time. You know you've done well when the Guest of Honour enjoys the 'performance'. That's all that mattered, and it would be more than enough.