The Pain Of Change
I must take this rare chance to blog. Cos don't know when I can get to this page again with my PITA (pain in the ***) internet connection. Don't ask me what I'm waiting for to do something about it...maybe because I'm just not in the mood.
Recently there's this urge to flare my way deep into detachment. Feel so helpless, useless, misunderstood...ANGUISH DEPRESSION! It's like brewing up within me, suppressed by the need to behave 'properly', and relieved by God's touch of grace. I remember saying that detachment is not the way to go. I still believe strongly in that, and hence the desperate daily struggle to keep myself intact. Somehow I think I have that tendency. God knows who can get me out of it. But it's just not happening and I feel the magnet that's sucking me into that pit of isolation. It feels like a cycle. Oh God, please don't let contempt be bred within me. Argh!!! Get out! Get out!
Intolerable Pain -> Change. I heard this in last Saturday's Service. It's my first visit and probably more to come as I have been rostered to sing back-up on the 4th Saturday this month. I quite like Saturday Service, cos they give out notes for the sermon. So what do I think of pain and change...they rhyme. Ahaha... Well, sometimes the fear of that intolerable pain can lead to change, too. Anyway, I think it's quite true. Complacency -> Status quo. Hmmm... Maybe I needed the pain.
Random...
"Spontaneity is the quality of being able to do something just because you feel like it at the moment, of trusting your instincts, of taking yourself by surprise and snatching from the clutches of your well-organized routine, a bit of unscheduled plea." - Anonymous
I love the beauty of spontaneity...but I believe it should be done sparingly if it involves others. Cos not everybody can agree with you or at the state of mind to be game for your 'non-sensical' suggestion all the time. But if you're doing it on your own...wow, I'd say, go knock yourself out, baby! It's like a breath of fresh air. Personality differences is the separating line between the extreme levels of spontaneity. Perhaps spontaneity needs to be grounded on some form of security. Different people has different kinds of (in)securities. So I guess we can't expect everyone to be as spontaneous, especially when they're not prepared. Okay, this statement sounds a bit oxymoronic... but you know what I mean. No?
Recently there's this urge to flare my way deep into detachment. Feel so helpless, useless, misunderstood...ANGUISH DEPRESSION! It's like brewing up within me, suppressed by the need to behave 'properly', and relieved by God's touch of grace. I remember saying that detachment is not the way to go. I still believe strongly in that, and hence the desperate daily struggle to keep myself intact. Somehow I think I have that tendency. God knows who can get me out of it. But it's just not happening and I feel the magnet that's sucking me into that pit of isolation. It feels like a cycle. Oh God, please don't let contempt be bred within me. Argh!!! Get out! Get out!
Intolerable Pain -> Change. I heard this in last Saturday's Service. It's my first visit and probably more to come as I have been rostered to sing back-up on the 4th Saturday this month. I quite like Saturday Service, cos they give out notes for the sermon. So what do I think of pain and change...they rhyme. Ahaha... Well, sometimes the fear of that intolerable pain can lead to change, too. Anyway, I think it's quite true. Complacency -> Status quo. Hmmm... Maybe I needed the pain.
Random...
"Spontaneity is the quality of being able to do something just because you feel like it at the moment, of trusting your instincts, of taking yourself by surprise and snatching from the clutches of your well-organized routine, a bit of unscheduled plea." - Anonymous
I love the beauty of spontaneity...but I believe it should be done sparingly if it involves others. Cos not everybody can agree with you or at the state of mind to be game for your 'non-sensical' suggestion all the time. But if you're doing it on your own...wow, I'd say, go knock yourself out, baby! It's like a breath of fresh air. Personality differences is the separating line between the extreme levels of spontaneity. Perhaps spontaneity needs to be grounded on some form of security. Different people has different kinds of (in)securities. So I guess we can't expect everyone to be as spontaneous, especially when they're not prepared. Okay, this statement sounds a bit oxymoronic... but you know what I mean. No?
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