Loving Tenaciously
So fast, another week has past, another month is coming to an end, wrapping up the first quarter of 2008.
This academic year has been rather enriching and I felt like it was a season of learning more about myself - my strengths and my weaknesses. In particularly, it was a year of much heartaches from the process of learning to love unreservedly and unconditionally. Not that I am already loving in this way, but even the learning process has proven to be possibly painful, yet at the same time insightful.
Truly, only by God's amazing grace. So patiently and so faithfully God has been guiding my heart, my ways, my journey to a love more pure and more pleasing to Him.
There are prevailing questions in my heart during this journey. As much as we want to be that secret lover, we so much want to be known and appreciated by the beloved. Is that being selfish? Or can it be that having the desire to be loved by the one we love also stems from the fact that the beloved matters to us, and that, itself, is an expression of love? I mean, if a person didn't matter to you, would you seek to be loved by him/her?
If someone you love doesn't appear to be affected by your acts of affection, what do you do?
a) Couldn't care less;
b) Feels unappreciated, but still keep on trying;
c) Cry your heart out to God;
d) Look for someone else to love?
From recent experiences, I know that loving is not easy. Loving someone who doesn't appear to be bothered at all can be very discouraging. I'm sure I'm not alone here. In just one short year, I've tried to pretend to be (a) and it made me feel like a hypocrite to behave unaffectedly even though deep inside it hurts like...(try finding another word for hell).
(b) is the present. And by God's grace, I hope I can be tenacious still.
I've gone through (c) many times, and intensely at least thrice, mostly because it came to a point where I felt so perturbed beyond my comprehension, how someone could be so unappreciative of my efforts, or at least appear to be so. But then from it all I realised how small my capacity to love is. The remedy to a lack of love is simply to love, no questions asked. The moment you start asking questions like, "what if that person doesn't love me in the same way or same measure?", that's where it becomes calculative and petty and conditional.
As for (d), I'm still not giving up. For through this I learn to be tenacious because love bears, believes, hopes, AND endures all things.
Thank You for loving me, Abba Father, and showing me the way. For I am able and know how to love because You first loved me.
This academic year has been rather enriching and I felt like it was a season of learning more about myself - my strengths and my weaknesses. In particularly, it was a year of much heartaches from the process of learning to love unreservedly and unconditionally. Not that I am already loving in this way, but even the learning process has proven to be possibly painful, yet at the same time insightful.
Truly, only by God's amazing grace. So patiently and so faithfully God has been guiding my heart, my ways, my journey to a love more pure and more pleasing to Him.
There are prevailing questions in my heart during this journey. As much as we want to be that secret lover, we so much want to be known and appreciated by the beloved. Is that being selfish? Or can it be that having the desire to be loved by the one we love also stems from the fact that the beloved matters to us, and that, itself, is an expression of love? I mean, if a person didn't matter to you, would you seek to be loved by him/her?
If someone you love doesn't appear to be affected by your acts of affection, what do you do?
a) Couldn't care less;
b) Feels unappreciated, but still keep on trying;
c) Cry your heart out to God;
d) Look for someone else to love?
From recent experiences, I know that loving is not easy. Loving someone who doesn't appear to be bothered at all can be very discouraging. I'm sure I'm not alone here. In just one short year, I've tried to pretend to be (a) and it made me feel like a hypocrite to behave unaffectedly even though deep inside it hurts like...(try finding another word for hell).
(b) is the present. And by God's grace, I hope I can be tenacious still.
I've gone through (c) many times, and intensely at least thrice, mostly because it came to a point where I felt so perturbed beyond my comprehension, how someone could be so unappreciative of my efforts, or at least appear to be so. But then from it all I realised how small my capacity to love is. The remedy to a lack of love is simply to love, no questions asked. The moment you start asking questions like, "what if that person doesn't love me in the same way or same measure?", that's where it becomes calculative and petty and conditional.
As for (d), I'm still not giving up. For through this I learn to be tenacious because love bears, believes, hopes, AND endures all things.
Thank You for loving me, Abba Father, and showing me the way. For I am able and know how to love because You first loved me.
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