A Little Is All It Takes
Have you ever felt abandoned? Well, I have, and I'm very sure I'm not alone. One of the lousy feeling during such an episode is that of foolishness, especially when it appears that I am the only one hanging on and no one else seems to be bothered. Yet, I am not able to live with letting go and letting everything fall apart. Stuck.
Throughout the past decade in my profession, I have gone through that see-saw ride for one time too many. Everytime I managed to get over it, it comes back and wham! right into my face, my heart, my whole person and what I believe about me in this job. I'm really not that strong.
Seriously, I don't know how I've managed to stay on to what I'm doing for so long. It's one that's emotionally draining, physically tiresome, mentally nerve-wrecking and sometimes, the heartbreaks really wears me off - and this is the worst. This thing about loving and hurting, healing and opening up again that I've been preaching about, I can only say that it's God's grace keeping me going and allowing me to learn precious lessons. Otherwise, I think I would be a very hard person, no longer trusting, and probably hundred times more cynical and critical then I think I already am.
I spoke to a new colleague yesterday and he gave me some new insights to managing in the capacity of an educator. On hindsight, our conversation felt awfully lot like the kind I have with someone I hold dearly in my heart, except perhaps that this one's more gentle and more open, more 2-way, and certainly deeper. Anyway, we shared about what I do and what he used to do before he joined us.
In our almost 1-hour of verbal exchange, I felt my mind was running like a choo-choo train because what I asked brought out responses from him which opened up even more questions. It was really hard to keep up with myself as I tried hard to put pieces of the information together. I came out of his room with more questions in my head, things to think about to improve myself in what I do, not just in my job but for the way I live with those around me - humans and non-s. I hope that with these probing questions, I would be able to see things in ways that I didn't used to and resolve my issues out of the box. I'm just at the content page right now...a long way to go.
So I'm trying to deal with the disappointments I'm feeling and the disheartening fact of the prevailing pattern of enthusiastic groups of people getting discouraged and not finishing off their "contracted" period of service with the same enthusiasm they started with. I'm not so much despondent that the members of the group felt relieved when it's over because it IS hardwork and hardwork is tiring. Who doesn't want to be able to relax after a day of hard work, and even more so, after almost a year? I'm referring more to those who, at the end (sometimes even before), feel bitter about the whole experience and would have nothing to do with it. Some leave with regrets and bitterness and take away with them a load of bad things to say about what they fought for. And sadly, even broken or damaged relationships.
The dilemma of all this is that, seriously, I am in no position to be disappointed with anyone. My job is not to facilitate any group to work for me. So if it's not for me, then why should I be disappointed? Ultimately, everyone is responsible for their own action. They play their own game with what I give them. Neither can I be responsible for their behaviour even if they refuse to change after I've told them the possible consequence of their action. But is that supposed to make my job any easier. It's a big fat NO! This is how it should ideally be but hardly anybody is that radical in their thinking. If you are, congratulations but you just made life harder for yourself because you need to deal with and manage the expectations of bosses who are usually the commoners.
Anyway, for those who have eyes to read and ears to hear my heart, this is what I have to say:
There's a pressing need to be focused, and not allow the little things to cause any division. We must not take what we have now for granted because it can so easily fall apart when we're not careful. It is everyone's responsibility to keep it alive. Every single person matters, even though nobody is indispensable.
A little unhappiness, a little self-centred behaviour, a little finger pointing, a little ungratefulness, a little rumour, a little apathy, a little disregard for others. A little is all it takes to cause division - a little leaven leavens the whole lump.
On the other hand, we can make a lot of difference with a little in the opposite direction, too.
A little faithfulness to stick around, a little putting aside of differences, of personal agenda, a little conscientiousness, a little initiative, a little effort to give words of encouragement, or even just a smile, a little effort to insist on the self to fulfill the basic requirement in whatever capacity.
Just ask yourself a question. Are you dependable? Can I depend on you to be there when you're supposed to be there? Can I depend on you to do your part? If not, you may want to rethink. Why are you here in the first place? To make others miserable for not being someone that others can count on? Or to make yourself miserable for under-performing, wasting your own time, and making up excuses when you don't feel like coming? Then if you want to be a person who follows through a commitment, don't expect anyone to give you a pat on the back when you fulfill it...though it is commendable. Expect frowns when you don't.
For the new year, I have a simple wish. The grace to facilitate my groups to finish the race. Not just finish it, but to do it well. So that at the last day of their term, we can celebrate a year of no regrets and no lost causes. That all who co-laboured can sincerely say that they have done their best above reproach, and are able to live with themselves and others for the efforts they put in - a year that we can all look back and say that we've grown much because of what we went through, together as a team.
Father, take my 5 loaves and 2 fishes. Do with it as you will. I surrender...I hope my heart compensate for what I lack in technicality. But I will still continue to improve.
A little more on the side:
Four Causes Of Discouragement
1. Loss of strength - weary, becoming tired due to long period of work, work seems to be unending and when fruit of one's labour is not evident. All you see are problems.
2. Lost sight of the vision - eyes fixed on the "rubbish, junk, debris" from work in progress, problem cases, differences, changes, leadership problems, complaints. We need to focus on the vision and possibility and what has already been done. Don't focus on the "rubbish".
3. Loss of confidence - losing heart from seeing what's happening on the outside. Perseverence develops character. And when we press in, we will surely see the fruit of our labour. Put your heart in what you do, and stop feeling that it's not worth it.
4. Loss of security - reinterating and believing in what the "enemies" say. Odds from circumstances, people - their words, irresponsiveness, apathy etc. It's not realistic to think that leadership will give you a constant high.
Sometimes discouragement can be a signal for a change in direction. Whatever it is, never isolate yourself when you're discouraged. Don't fight discouragement on your own.
Throughout the past decade in my profession, I have gone through that see-saw ride for one time too many. Everytime I managed to get over it, it comes back and wham! right into my face, my heart, my whole person and what I believe about me in this job. I'm really not that strong.
Seriously, I don't know how I've managed to stay on to what I'm doing for so long. It's one that's emotionally draining, physically tiresome, mentally nerve-wrecking and sometimes, the heartbreaks really wears me off - and this is the worst. This thing about loving and hurting, healing and opening up again that I've been preaching about, I can only say that it's God's grace keeping me going and allowing me to learn precious lessons. Otherwise, I think I would be a very hard person, no longer trusting, and probably hundred times more cynical and critical then I think I already am.
I spoke to a new colleague yesterday and he gave me some new insights to managing in the capacity of an educator. On hindsight, our conversation felt awfully lot like the kind I have with someone I hold dearly in my heart, except perhaps that this one's more gentle and more open, more 2-way, and certainly deeper. Anyway, we shared about what I do and what he used to do before he joined us.
In our almost 1-hour of verbal exchange, I felt my mind was running like a choo-choo train because what I asked brought out responses from him which opened up even more questions. It was really hard to keep up with myself as I tried hard to put pieces of the information together. I came out of his room with more questions in my head, things to think about to improve myself in what I do, not just in my job but for the way I live with those around me - humans and non-s. I hope that with these probing questions, I would be able to see things in ways that I didn't used to and resolve my issues out of the box. I'm just at the content page right now...a long way to go.
So I'm trying to deal with the disappointments I'm feeling and the disheartening fact of the prevailing pattern of enthusiastic groups of people getting discouraged and not finishing off their "contracted" period of service with the same enthusiasm they started with. I'm not so much despondent that the members of the group felt relieved when it's over because it IS hardwork and hardwork is tiring. Who doesn't want to be able to relax after a day of hard work, and even more so, after almost a year? I'm referring more to those who, at the end (sometimes even before), feel bitter about the whole experience and would have nothing to do with it. Some leave with regrets and bitterness and take away with them a load of bad things to say about what they fought for. And sadly, even broken or damaged relationships.
The dilemma of all this is that, seriously, I am in no position to be disappointed with anyone. My job is not to facilitate any group to work for me. So if it's not for me, then why should I be disappointed? Ultimately, everyone is responsible for their own action. They play their own game with what I give them. Neither can I be responsible for their behaviour even if they refuse to change after I've told them the possible consequence of their action. But is that supposed to make my job any easier. It's a big fat NO! This is how it should ideally be but hardly anybody is that radical in their thinking. If you are, congratulations but you just made life harder for yourself because you need to deal with and manage the expectations of bosses who are usually the commoners.
Anyway, for those who have eyes to read and ears to hear my heart, this is what I have to say:
There's a pressing need to be focused, and not allow the little things to cause any division. We must not take what we have now for granted because it can so easily fall apart when we're not careful. It is everyone's responsibility to keep it alive. Every single person matters, even though nobody is indispensable.
A little unhappiness, a little self-centred behaviour, a little finger pointing, a little ungratefulness, a little rumour, a little apathy, a little disregard for others. A little is all it takes to cause division - a little leaven leavens the whole lump.
On the other hand, we can make a lot of difference with a little in the opposite direction, too.
A little faithfulness to stick around, a little putting aside of differences, of personal agenda, a little conscientiousness, a little initiative, a little effort to give words of encouragement, or even just a smile, a little effort to insist on the self to fulfill the basic requirement in whatever capacity.
Just ask yourself a question. Are you dependable? Can I depend on you to be there when you're supposed to be there? Can I depend on you to do your part? If not, you may want to rethink. Why are you here in the first place? To make others miserable for not being someone that others can count on? Or to make yourself miserable for under-performing, wasting your own time, and making up excuses when you don't feel like coming? Then if you want to be a person who follows through a commitment, don't expect anyone to give you a pat on the back when you fulfill it...though it is commendable. Expect frowns when you don't.
For the new year, I have a simple wish. The grace to facilitate my groups to finish the race. Not just finish it, but to do it well. So that at the last day of their term, we can celebrate a year of no regrets and no lost causes. That all who co-laboured can sincerely say that they have done their best above reproach, and are able to live with themselves and others for the efforts they put in - a year that we can all look back and say that we've grown much because of what we went through, together as a team.
Father, take my 5 loaves and 2 fishes. Do with it as you will. I surrender...I hope my heart compensate for what I lack in technicality. But I will still continue to improve.
A little more on the side:
Four Causes Of Discouragement
1. Loss of strength - weary, becoming tired due to long period of work, work seems to be unending and when fruit of one's labour is not evident. All you see are problems.
2. Lost sight of the vision - eyes fixed on the "rubbish, junk, debris" from work in progress, problem cases, differences, changes, leadership problems, complaints. We need to focus on the vision and possibility and what has already been done. Don't focus on the "rubbish".
3. Loss of confidence - losing heart from seeing what's happening on the outside. Perseverence develops character. And when we press in, we will surely see the fruit of our labour. Put your heart in what you do, and stop feeling that it's not worth it.
4. Loss of security - reinterating and believing in what the "enemies" say. Odds from circumstances, people - their words, irresponsiveness, apathy etc. It's not realistic to think that leadership will give you a constant high.
Sometimes discouragement can be a signal for a change in direction. Whatever it is, never isolate yourself when you're discouraged. Don't fight discouragement on your own.
