Numb Numb Ville
I read about it in one of Jack Frost's book - Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship. I think it was a state of mind. Anyway, I'm still in the first chapter. But this 'Numb Numb Ville' kinda describes the state I've been in and out of for some time now. And while in it, all sorts of issues emerge and compound on one another to further complications and confusion. Just when I managed to get out of it, it sucks me in again.
Get me out of this rut. Or if I'm meant to be in it to learn something, let me feel You with me. And tell me once in a while, that everything's gonna be alright. I feel like I'm trying to make sense even of the norm, as if there's more to it than meets the eye. Help me to focus.
I suddenly remembered what triggered the frequent visits to 'Numb Numb Ville'. Trust. Someone had betrayed my trust. And it was not some life and death issue. You can say that it was a white lie, or a cover up to appear to be wise. I think "That's why..." has been used too loosely.
Are you sure that's why? Or are you just taking credit as your own because it happened that way? Don't act smart if you didn't think of it in the first place. Don't steal credits as if you knew it all along and say you planned it so it turned out "just the way you wanted".
My heart aches as I shout this out. It aches because it's torn. I take trust very personally. And when I give it, it is personal too. How can trust not be personal? It is made impersonal with paper contract. People would rather have themselves to fall back on than to appear foolish for mistrusting.
My heart aches because after being betrayed, I know it will make it harder to trust again. It is tiring to be suspicious and on the alert all the time. It's tiring. I hate it. I hate to have to trust someone with the expectation that they would fail you. This sentence doesn't make sense, does it? Or does it?
Is that what entering God's rest is all about? Because it is in Him that one can fully trust without being fear of betrayal. It is trusting that He will not reject me when I choose to lean on Him. It is in Him that one can truly rest, cry, love, adore, worship. It doesn't just feel good. It feels right. It IS right. Perfect. Perfect rest. Perfect love cast out all fears.
Maybe I'm in 'Numb Numb Ville' out of fear. Fear of getting my head out of my turtle shell only to be chopped off. How can anyone be alert enough? Apathy. Detachment. Stop! Go away! NOW!!!
Get me out of this rut. Or if I'm meant to be in it to learn something, let me feel You with me. And tell me once in a while, that everything's gonna be alright. I feel like I'm trying to make sense even of the norm, as if there's more to it than meets the eye. Help me to focus.
I suddenly remembered what triggered the frequent visits to 'Numb Numb Ville'. Trust. Someone had betrayed my trust. And it was not some life and death issue. You can say that it was a white lie, or a cover up to appear to be wise. I think "That's why..." has been used too loosely.
Are you sure that's why? Or are you just taking credit as your own because it happened that way? Don't act smart if you didn't think of it in the first place. Don't steal credits as if you knew it all along and say you planned it so it turned out "just the way you wanted".
My heart aches as I shout this out. It aches because it's torn. I take trust very personally. And when I give it, it is personal too. How can trust not be personal? It is made impersonal with paper contract. People would rather have themselves to fall back on than to appear foolish for mistrusting.
My heart aches because after being betrayed, I know it will make it harder to trust again. It is tiring to be suspicious and on the alert all the time. It's tiring. I hate it. I hate to have to trust someone with the expectation that they would fail you. This sentence doesn't make sense, does it? Or does it?
Is that what entering God's rest is all about? Because it is in Him that one can fully trust without being fear of betrayal. It is trusting that He will not reject me when I choose to lean on Him. It is in Him that one can truly rest, cry, love, adore, worship. It doesn't just feel good. It feels right. It IS right. Perfect. Perfect rest. Perfect love cast out all fears.
Maybe I'm in 'Numb Numb Ville' out of fear. Fear of getting my head out of my turtle shell only to be chopped off. How can anyone be alert enough? Apathy. Detachment. Stop! Go away! NOW!!!
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