Facing The Giants
I began this week with an op at CGH, followed by days of pain and fear of pain. Well, I'm not going to compare my basket of eggs with another, cos I'm sure there are others with more in theirs. I believe that when God deals with our lives, He deals with us as individuals. He made us all different, with our strengths and weaknesses unique one from the other.
Over the week, time and again I have to deal with the pain from the wound. The physical pain was terrible, and many times I broke down because I felt it was too much to deal with. Sometimes it's not the intensity of the pain, but the continuity of it. Every night I go to bed with a frown on my face, and at times, tears in my eyes. Every morning I wake up in the early hours from the pain and try hard to get back to bed to sleep it off, only to wake up again in less than a couple of hours for the same reason. A couple of mornings I have to make myself wash up to eat breakfast, though I had no appetite, so that I could take my pain killers. Throughout the day, I can't stay in one position and can't really concentrate for long either. Tasks that I've set out to do seems futile to even begin.
One day, in my pain, I cried out to God asking, "God, please tell me Your purpose in all these. Help me to trust You. And if it pleases You that this is happening to me, please let me know, so that Your joy can be my strength!" I desperately needed His strength, His faith, because I'm losing mine. I'm grateful that my mother is back these few days to take care of my meals and all, and that my work in the office was taken care of and my boss was really understanding, but when the pain strikes, I tell you, I really felt like I was on my own, wondering when is God going to make His move.
This morning, my DD, who is also a Christian, smsed me for the second time this week to ask about my condition. I told him honestly how I was feeling and he called me on my mobile and gave me words of encouragement. He told me to be patient and ask God for His purpose in this. I was really comforted by his gesture and his words of assurance. And the fact that he understands that this might not be just a mere one-week recovery period tells me that he is supportive even if I need to take more time off work. I could feel that he was really concerned that I recover well and not be anxious about things in the office.
Later in the afternoon, my Worship Ministry Director called. He prayed for me over the phone and something he prayed stirred up the faith within me. He prayed for the joy of the Lord. I felt that God is confirming His words through this prayer.
Just now, I was brought to remembrance that I bought a Christian DVD, "Facing The Giants". I didn't think much of it when I first bought it. Was hoping that I could bring the movie into the Prison or to cell group meeting to watch as part of ministry. Perhaps it was my vulnerability at my current state, I was touched many times as I watch it. (Well, God often place His children in specific situation to get our hearts ready to receive His word.) The message was simple, yet powerful. Most importantly, I feel God speaking to me on my current situation, ministering to my fears in many aspects - physical, emotional, and spiritual.
I won't say that I do not have those fears anymore. But through the incidents recorded here and other minor ones through some other people, they all added up to build up my faith for this moment, comforting me that God is indeed watching over me. By His grace, I can say that I will choose to trust in Him and continue to learn to love Him despite of my circumstance. Even if I start wavering when the pain comes again, I know that He will not leave nor forsake me and is always with me through it all.
Abba Father, may You be glorified in this!
Never give up. Never backdown. Never lose faith.
Over the week, time and again I have to deal with the pain from the wound. The physical pain was terrible, and many times I broke down because I felt it was too much to deal with. Sometimes it's not the intensity of the pain, but the continuity of it. Every night I go to bed with a frown on my face, and at times, tears in my eyes. Every morning I wake up in the early hours from the pain and try hard to get back to bed to sleep it off, only to wake up again in less than a couple of hours for the same reason. A couple of mornings I have to make myself wash up to eat breakfast, though I had no appetite, so that I could take my pain killers. Throughout the day, I can't stay in one position and can't really concentrate for long either. Tasks that I've set out to do seems futile to even begin.
One day, in my pain, I cried out to God asking, "God, please tell me Your purpose in all these. Help me to trust You. And if it pleases You that this is happening to me, please let me know, so that Your joy can be my strength!" I desperately needed His strength, His faith, because I'm losing mine. I'm grateful that my mother is back these few days to take care of my meals and all, and that my work in the office was taken care of and my boss was really understanding, but when the pain strikes, I tell you, I really felt like I was on my own, wondering when is God going to make His move.
This morning, my DD, who is also a Christian, smsed me for the second time this week to ask about my condition. I told him honestly how I was feeling and he called me on my mobile and gave me words of encouragement. He told me to be patient and ask God for His purpose in this. I was really comforted by his gesture and his words of assurance. And the fact that he understands that this might not be just a mere one-week recovery period tells me that he is supportive even if I need to take more time off work. I could feel that he was really concerned that I recover well and not be anxious about things in the office.
Later in the afternoon, my Worship Ministry Director called. He prayed for me over the phone and something he prayed stirred up the faith within me. He prayed for the joy of the Lord. I felt that God is confirming His words through this prayer.
Just now, I was brought to remembrance that I bought a Christian DVD, "Facing The Giants". I didn't think much of it when I first bought it. Was hoping that I could bring the movie into the Prison or to cell group meeting to watch as part of ministry. Perhaps it was my vulnerability at my current state, I was touched many times as I watch it. (Well, God often place His children in specific situation to get our hearts ready to receive His word.) The message was simple, yet powerful. Most importantly, I feel God speaking to me on my current situation, ministering to my fears in many aspects - physical, emotional, and spiritual.
I won't say that I do not have those fears anymore. But through the incidents recorded here and other minor ones through some other people, they all added up to build up my faith for this moment, comforting me that God is indeed watching over me. By His grace, I can say that I will choose to trust in Him and continue to learn to love Him despite of my circumstance. Even if I start wavering when the pain comes again, I know that He will not leave nor forsake me and is always with me through it all.
Abba Father, may You be glorified in this!
Never give up. Never backdown. Never lose faith.
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