Cloudy Eyes

If only I knew that those cloudy eyes of yours means that you would be leaving soon, I would have stayed with you longer that night. I wouldn't have left your bedside. I would have just sat there and watch you while you sleep. Stroke your hands a little, just lightly so that I wouldn't startle you from your rest. I wouldn't have cared for anything else but to just keep you by my side. I wish I could have more exchanges of words with you, to hear your voice. I'm just beginning to realise now that I miss you. It's starting to kick in.

If it was just about me, I would be whining that I'm a pitiable person because I don't think I would find anyone on this earth who would love me the way that you do. I know it is not about me. Yet I can't help feeling pitiable. What if it's true? What if it is never to be my portion? Would I really be able to take it?

Lately I feel that everything is going downhill. I couldn't pick myself to do anything with purpose. Everything around me just seem so meaningless, all vanity and chasing after the wind, as the wise Solomon would put it in the book of Ecclesiastes. I know you wouldn't have wanted to see me like this. But it's just so hard to pull myself out of this rut. I know I can't do it on my own. I need God's strength. I cried out and waiting for His salvation.

Show me the way. Let me not be blinded with the obsession of those cloudy eyes that I missed to decipher. The regrets and the pain that comes intertwine with them. Set me free of the hopelessness that threatens to make itself comfortable in me. My soul is overflowing with sorrow. Turn it into a spring of true joy and love. Only You can do it, my heavenly Father. I falling to pieces and I can't put myself back. If You don't intervene soon, I would just be sitting there, watching the pieces dropping off.

Help, Father. The pain is really quite unbearable...