Love Relapse Desperately Needed
It is so true that to develop one of the fruit of the Spirit, you need to insist on exercising those qualities in circumstances that you would most likely do the opposite.
I feel that I have failed greatly today. I really let go of all restraints and almost "chopped off" all nine elements of the fruit prematurely. I got so upset and reacted as if God did not exist. Like the Holy Spirit didn't live in me. Isn't that scary? I'm disappointed with myself.
1. Delayed Completion
I screamed at my sub-standard renovation designer cum coordinator because he kept extending the completion date and wasted so much of my time. Then he still use emotional blackmail on me, saying how he actually didn't need to do this and that for me, because it was not in the contract. I hated it that he made me feel I have no choice but to comply. I hated it that he disregard my instruction to cover my sofa and it became sooooooo dirty. I hated it when he tried to make me believe that he could do something and then end up something would always crop up to cause further delay...and say "it's like that one". I hated it that I had to call up his boss to complain about him. I don't like to tell on others.
2. Late Delivery
I screamed at the saleswoman at Harvey Norman because their delivery person failed to deliver my TV on time for the installation crew and they left after waiting for 30 minutes. I nearly had to take half day leave to wait for them to come on Tuesday if they hadn't make a detour from their itinerary and came back to finish up my installation.
I hated it that she said, "if only you had called in earlier to check on the delivery, I would be able to do something about it." That's when I screamed at her for trying to put the blame on me for failing to ensure timely delivery. She apparently didn't realised the implication of that statement she made because she insisted that she wasn't trying to shirk her responsibility. It's not like the installation crew came earlier. The delivery time was between 10am and 3pm, mind you, and they still couldn't make it on time. No calls on the delay either. Just taking for granted that customers have a lot of time to stay home the whole day on a Saturday just to wait for one item to be delivered.
Basically, I felt that if I didn't raise my voice, or insisted on my rights as a customer, people will step over you. I hate to have to feel this way.
And since I'm on this renovation frustration episode, I also declare that I hated it that those around me ask questions like, "why you this, chose that, didn't ask the contractor to do this and that..." after I have already done it. If you're so clever, why don't you be my contractor or tell me earlier? Indeed, how can the blind person take the lead? If the contractor had done his job to helped me with my blind spots, which I obviously need since this is the first time I'm renovating and I'm not the expert taking the money, much frustration could be saved.
Jesus, what would you have done? It is so difficult to love. I'm not even talking about loving my enemies which You have commanded. Love your neighbour as yourself. There must be a reason why this commandment didn't come with "unless you feel they are taking you for a ride..." or something to that effect.
God heard my cry nonetheless. Yes, I literally cried. I was so frustrated with those people and also myself for having to eventually stoop as low as them to get things done. It was right then that the installation guy called to say that he would be able to turn back to finish up my job and my tile guy also called to say that he would be able to come and touch up my kitchen tiles. If I had left it to that sub-standard designer-cum-coordinator, it would only be done on Monday. And the guy installation person would only be able to come on Friday. I'm waiting for updates that the gas business would be completed on Tuesday instead.
I'm glad this whole renovation business is coming to an end. I tried to be harmless as a dove, but I think I forgot to be wise like a serpent. Instead I became upset and doubtful of their effort to do a good job. I need wisdom to know what is considered as reasonable expectations. Where to draw the line?
One thing I got out of this: God, don't let me treat others like the way I've experienced from these people. I don't want to cause this kind of hurt to others. And I hate to use emotional blackmail.
I feel that I have failed greatly today. I really let go of all restraints and almost "chopped off" all nine elements of the fruit prematurely. I got so upset and reacted as if God did not exist. Like the Holy Spirit didn't live in me. Isn't that scary? I'm disappointed with myself.
1. Delayed Completion
I screamed at my sub-standard renovation designer cum coordinator because he kept extending the completion date and wasted so much of my time. Then he still use emotional blackmail on me, saying how he actually didn't need to do this and that for me, because it was not in the contract. I hated it that he made me feel I have no choice but to comply. I hated it that he disregard my instruction to cover my sofa and it became sooooooo dirty. I hated it when he tried to make me believe that he could do something and then end up something would always crop up to cause further delay...and say "it's like that one". I hated it that I had to call up his boss to complain about him. I don't like to tell on others.
2. Late Delivery
I screamed at the saleswoman at Harvey Norman because their delivery person failed to deliver my TV on time for the installation crew and they left after waiting for 30 minutes. I nearly had to take half day leave to wait for them to come on Tuesday if they hadn't make a detour from their itinerary and came back to finish up my installation.
I hated it that she said, "if only you had called in earlier to check on the delivery, I would be able to do something about it." That's when I screamed at her for trying to put the blame on me for failing to ensure timely delivery. She apparently didn't realised the implication of that statement she made because she insisted that she wasn't trying to shirk her responsibility. It's not like the installation crew came earlier. The delivery time was between 10am and 3pm, mind you, and they still couldn't make it on time. No calls on the delay either. Just taking for granted that customers have a lot of time to stay home the whole day on a Saturday just to wait for one item to be delivered.
Basically, I felt that if I didn't raise my voice, or insisted on my rights as a customer, people will step over you. I hate to have to feel this way.
And since I'm on this renovation frustration episode, I also declare that I hated it that those around me ask questions like, "why you this, chose that, didn't ask the contractor to do this and that..." after I have already done it. If you're so clever, why don't you be my contractor or tell me earlier? Indeed, how can the blind person take the lead? If the contractor had done his job to helped me with my blind spots, which I obviously need since this is the first time I'm renovating and I'm not the expert taking the money, much frustration could be saved.
Jesus, what would you have done? It is so difficult to love. I'm not even talking about loving my enemies which You have commanded. Love your neighbour as yourself. There must be a reason why this commandment didn't come with "unless you feel they are taking you for a ride..." or something to that effect.
God heard my cry nonetheless. Yes, I literally cried. I was so frustrated with those people and also myself for having to eventually stoop as low as them to get things done. It was right then that the installation guy called to say that he would be able to turn back to finish up my job and my tile guy also called to say that he would be able to come and touch up my kitchen tiles. If I had left it to that sub-standard designer-cum-coordinator, it would only be done on Monday. And the guy installation person would only be able to come on Friday. I'm waiting for updates that the gas business would be completed on Tuesday instead.
I'm glad this whole renovation business is coming to an end. I tried to be harmless as a dove, but I think I forgot to be wise like a serpent. Instead I became upset and doubtful of their effort to do a good job. I need wisdom to know what is considered as reasonable expectations. Where to draw the line?
One thing I got out of this: God, don't let me treat others like the way I've experienced from these people. I don't want to cause this kind of hurt to others. And I hate to use emotional blackmail.
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