Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

Much has happened since the big day which I thought was going to be super significant. The date being 20072007 - ya, my birthday. Today being the 10th day... and my cell leader just gave me a book - Having A Mary's Spirit (in a Martha World). On hindsight, it was so God-sent because Pastor Joel Baker just spoke of the love of God at service today. The emphasis was for us to receive God's love without feeling the constant need to impress God - cos nothing will change His love for us, and nothing we could do would make Him love us any more or any less. So Martha being the type of Christian who feels the need to serve to justify herself, while Mary being the type who would choose intimacy with Christ in whole-hearted worship - ever eager to be more like Him. Service flows out naturally because of that love for the One she serves. Anyways... Thanks to all who showered me with their well wishes, prayers of blessings, birthday cakes, flowers, personal gifts, group gifts... If I count...

This is so funny!

Believe me when I say that I've watched more Band concerts out of TP compound in the past quarter (first being Mus'art Wind Orchestra @ Beautiful Sunday on 14 Apr 07) than I've ever had in my life. No, I'm not exaggerating. I even went for the SSO @ Botanic Garden. But why this random thought? Well, besides the fact that I went for another Mus'art concert this evening, it was also because a former TP Band VP commented, when he saw me at the door to VCH, that he didn't know I would come for such concerts. I pondered a little over this simple remark - the truth about it. He was right. For the previous 5 years that TP Band was under my charge, I can't remember if I've been to any outdoor band concert except for the year when we had the chance to hold our annual concert at Jubilee Hall. The picture above was taken after Mus'art @ Beautiful Sunday. So many of us went to support Wei Jie and Li Hong. Actually my concert-going experience would have had an e...

My dearest Abba, I thank You that You are a God of compassion. I worship You for You are exceedingly great. Nothing can escape Your knowledge for You are Omniscient. I praise You for what You are doing in my life, even at this moment, as I cry out to You in perplexity, I know You have heard me and will reveal to me Your truth in Your perfect time. Help me to trust You, and be courageous to love those You've placed in my heart. Pour out Your grace upon me, I pray. May I be found faithful to "agape" my brethren. 2 Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the hearts. 3 To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice. 4 A haughty look, a proud heart, and the plowing of the wicked are sin. (Proverb 21:2-4) 16 These six things the LORD hates, yes, seven are an abomination to Him: 17 A proud look, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, 18 a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that are swift in running to evil,...

Today is Rachel & Roy's 6th birthday. Can't believe that they're going Primary 1 next year! These 2 are the youngest of my lot of nephews and nieces. Mom has assigned herself to stay at my 大姐's at the other end of Singapore to help take care of them cos their daddy is always away on business. Well, I get to be home alone most of the time. Mom do come home during the weekends sometimes and she's a regular Church goer at Katong Presbyterian Church. So, I get the best of both worlds, really. Part-time independent living...hur hur! Anyway, my other 姐夫 came to pick me and 二姐 up from TP and we head off to 大姐's house. All the kids were there. The parents always make it a point to let them come for such gatherings, even if they can't make it themselves. It's always good to see my precious 7 again...as long as they don't make me play "murderer" and "chop-chilli-chop" kind of games with them. Haiyah, so tired already...but what to do. C...

I'm ready for bed (not that I'm actually going to)... and it's only 10:10pm!!! Usually at this time, we just started digging into our supper opposite school. Here's a quotable quote: Error does not become Truth because it is widely accepted; Truth does not become error, even when it stands alone! So, no amount of justification could change the truth, and there's no such thing as half truth. Truth is not dependent on popularity, one's status, or emotional state. Either it is or it isn't. Jesus is the Way, the Truth , and the Life!

Today I left school early for an appointment at CGH. Then it's straight to Church for Training & Equipping Class. This term, I selected "The Blood Of The Lamb". Pastor Daphne gave an opening from her Foreword in the manual. "The understanding of the shed blood of Jesus begins with the love of the Father for the world, whom Jesus came to die for...whose (Jesus') shed blood opened the way for our salvation and stripped away every principalities and powers over the earth." She shared something at the end which I thought was very powerful. I can't quote exactly, of course, but she started recollecting her past thoughts about the wrath of God. We know that God is a longsuffering God. His mercies are new every morning etc. But no matter how longsuffering God is, His wrath can't be held back forever. There must be an outlet. So Jesus had to take our place and "drank the cup" of the sins of this world. To Jesus, He's new to all these becau...

This entry is dedicated to my TP Band Darlings in AY07/08. Thanks so much for the clarinet mouthpiece. I was truly surprised. I didn't expect a whole-band 'conspiracy' and to get the B40 as a present. Needless to say, I was delighted. Have been bugging Li Hong to find out the price for me from Band World. I was wondering...why did he take so long? Week after week, he would say he didn't managed to go to the shop to enquire for me. I was tired of waiting and so called up the shop myself. I got the price and was ready to buy. Then on Sunday he finally told me he would go down to the shop, and so I waited some more to see if it could be any cheaper. Actually...he had already enquired much earlier. Their work of 'conspiracy' apparently started since SL Workshop on 22 June. So with all my bugging, they were afraid that I might go and buy it myself. Hence, my birthday present is given to me 11 days early. You all very sweet leh...I was nearly with tears. Early in the ...

I discovered some things this morning and my analysis caused me to be super depressed. I hate to say, "I see it coming..." if it actually happens. The worst is not knowing whether my analysis is correct. In hoping that it won't, the end of it wouldn't change my current standing. Yet in imagining that it would, I know for sure that I have less to look forward to in certain aspects of my life. My heart is breaking at the thought of it. I think I should just keep myself occupied, take in more deep breaths like every 5 seconds and sigh them all out. And if I don't pass out anytime before the end of the day, I can give glory to God for delivering me through my tribulation. I can't talk to anyone because this is probably not my slice of pizza. No one would understand, and it's a risk I'm not willing to take. So, God, I bring it up to You, because You alone are my strongest fortress and safest refuge... WITH ALL I AM VERSE 1: Into Your hands I commit again Wi...

Heal my heart and make it clean Open up my eyes to the things unseen Show me how to love like You have loved me Break my heart for what breaks Yours Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause All the way from earth into eternity

You don't have to drive a fancy car Don't have to quote me Shakespeare Just to woo me Yeah, I see your nervous laughter When you're trying to crack some joke Well, you don't fool me I'd like to see your eyes Through those goggles that you're wearing Don't try to hide away Just be yourself, Mr Beasley I don't need your show of attitude Cos it's your soul that makes me Fall in love with you You don't notice But I see you in the Church When you are praying You just move me And my friend, Sue, she tells me You've been teaching kids for free Mr Philanthropy I'd like to see your eyes Through those goggles that you're wearing Don't try to hide away Just be yourself, Mr Beasley I don't need your show of attitude Cos it's your soul that makes me Fall in love with you Fall in love with you I don't know what you do to me But everytime I'm with you it's a natural high It's like rediscovering Eden With chocolate-coated ...

In the Christian context, which is where I remembered I was first taught about it, grace is the unmerited favour of God. It's His to give as He pleases. I can't do anything to gain that favour. It wouldn't be what it is if I could. I just have to accept it and take Him at His word that if I confess and repent, I will be forgiven. With that as the foundation, I have learnt to give grace to others. Not so much because I am a kind soul - that would be giving myself too much credit - but because God first showed me His grace. I can offer forgiveness for, or overlook, others' flaws even when I am an innocent victim of their weakness because my Abba Father first initiated the ultimate redemption with the blood of His only Son, Jesus Christ. If it had not been for His grace, there could never be any form of relationship between me and my Creator. I can love because He first loved me. His love for me causes me to love Him and desire to please Him, which makes it easier for me ...

The topic for Sunday's Service was "Seeing The Unseen" a.k.a. "Seeing (People) Through The Eyes Of God". Basically, Pst Yang covered some Bible characters that illustrated that while the world judges us based on what it sees on the outside, God sees a person's heart. While the world sees how you perform, what matters to God is how we response to what He and His Word says. Gideon and David, were known to be from the 2 God-made heroes. They were from the least of of the least. Yet to God, they were Mighty Man of Valour and King. I found some of my childhood photos... and I asked...God, what exactly did you see in me, then? When that seed was planted in my mother's womb, even before I was conceived, what kind of plans did you have for me? 13 For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; m arvelous are Your works, a nd that my soul knows very well. 15 My frame was not hid...

Today was a day of emotional roller coaster...yet I can't tell anybody about it except Abba. Cos He knows me inside out, outside in. I might as well just tell Him lur. At work, where else can I go, except school toilet. Cos I was afraid that it would hurt so much as I pour out to God that I would drop tears. It's tough to be vulnerable. But that's part of loving that I cannot avoid. If you want to open your heart to love, you have to be prepared to get hurt. But that's how we develop this aspect of the spiritual fruit of love, by choosing to love when the loving gets tough, or rough, or not reciprocated. Cos agape love does not expect love in return, it's unconditional. I'm hurt because I'm expecting something in return, be it words, deeds, and/or the lack of. Thank God I have Him to run to. His Spirit will comfort and give grace so I will not fall into the trap of self-pity. I believe this package is God-sent. Cos I asked God to enlarge my capacity to love....

One of my favourite songs about two decades ago was this - Father Me. The lyrics tells me a lot about what my Abba Father has done, is doing and would do for me. Singing this song fills me up with gratitude for who God is to me. The title of the song itself appealed to me then, perhaps because that was, and has been, what I longed for. Without realizing it, my Heavenly Father has filled the void within me that I never knew I had. Sometimes Abba would gently remind me and make me realise how being a child of God has protected me from the effects of a lack of a father figure in my life since way back in my upper primary school years. My contact with the people around me and what I watch on the screens sometimes stir up the aching within me. Yet, God would gently remind me that He has been, and still is my Father so that what I've lost is insignificant to what I have in Him. Sometimes my carnal self wanders and tries to look for a replacement in this messed-up world. My lack of faith,...

Yesterday...why am I always writing about yesterday? Well, perhaps because I've not been able to get home before midnight. So since I'm starting this entry before 0000 hrs, you bet your dollars I'm going to write about today. Even if it's a short one. But, yesterday was an eventful day, too. So, why not?! Well, my day started early yesterday because my Choir is rostered for Praise & Worship for 1st and 2nd Services. Reached Church at 7am, did about 10 minutes of vocal warm up and proceeded to join the band for rehearsal. Conducting the Choir is quite fun. It's 1) a form of expression of the songs 2) physical exercise under the spotlight = perspire a lot, a lot 3) testing my patience when the singers don't look at me 4) testing my patience when the worship leader don't give enough notice for instructions and I give the signal...just laugh it off with the Choir 5) building of confidence with the on-the-job training in conducting...a bit cmi Dear Pastor Yan...

Yesterday, my 'Cher listened to my playing. How he managed to evaluate, I don't know. Cos I was accompanied by the song, I mean, piece, playing on his laptop...and other "helpful" people on the trumpet and flute. Thanks, erm, for the encouragement. I can't even hear myself lah! And I thought they hated BRS. Anyway, I was given a new piece to learn - Ammerland. So happy leh! Like promotion like that. My tonguing still CMI lah, but Kenneth also tried my clarinet and commented on the reed and padding problems. Heehee...so it's not just me lur! I sent away my clarinet for repair in the evening cos the guy was here to collect the rest of the instruments for repair. I needed to fix the corking (and now, padding) asap. I'm tired of taping both ends of the upper section to keep the clarinet from falling apart. $50 one leh, what you expect? Hopefully it will really make a difference to my learning progress. Can't wait to get it back! Meanwhile, I shall victimiz...

Went to the Singapore Zoo yesterday with Kenneth, Jing Ting, Li Hong, Hilyah, Raphael, Xueping and Huizhen. Thanks to Raphael, we got in for free. It has been donkey years since I've been to the Zoo, so I was quite excited about it. And with the company of people I was going with, I was sure we were going to have a fun time...and indeed I wasn't disappointed. The day before we planned to pack some food stuff so we don't have to eat from the expensive F&B outlets. We didn't want to end up like the day where TP Band performance was at Jurong Bird Park: Pau - $2; (soggy) Chicken Pie - $3.50; Hotdog - $6.50. Many people went hungry. Heart pain... So, we packed lots of food which lasted us the whole trip and all the easterners met at Eunos MRT station before we head to Jurong East MRT station to meet Raphael. Here's a bad attempt to capture everyone on the train. We then met Hilyah, the northerner at Choa Chu Kang MRT station and headed to the bus terminal to catch b...

Law Wei, Kenneth, Jing Ting, Grace & Me - Recce Trip @ Jurong Bird Park... TP Band after Jurong Bird Park Performance...told you guys the back portion is too dark... Me & Wee Gek...trying to fan off Li Hong's hand from obstructing... Me & Wee Gek again...after failed attempt by Li Hong trying to obstruct with his hand... Jolene & me on the bus to JBP...cool posers... The Untouchables - Law Wei , Wei Jie, Li Hong, Jia Wei ... Me & Hilyah...the 2 professional posers... Me & the boys - (Clockwise) Wee Gek, Wei Jie, Kenny, Li Hong...

Today, my heart is filled with deep gratitude to God's answered prayer. This morning, I woke up earlier than scheduled from shock that I might have overslept because I forgot to set my alarm clock. I had deactivated it because I set it too early the day before and it rang 12 hours earlier. Anyway...the sky looked a bit gloomy and so I prayed and asked God for good weather because my TP Band is performing at Jurong Bird Park today. I even asked 大姐 to activate Rachel and Roy to pray, too. Around reporting time, it started to rain. That kinda tested my faith. In my heart I was thinking...nevermind, we still have to go through everything as planned anyway. No point worrying. So tuning and warm ups were carried out and when the time came for us to load the logistics and members, the rain had stopped. The sky remained dark and threatening even throughout the whole performance from 2pm to about 3pm. But I did ask for a "pillar of cloud" to cover us from the afternoon sun. Right ...