Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

A new found meaning to hate sin is getting me to another level. 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God FORNICATION : voluntary sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each other. This means if I were to watch any show that makes sex outside marriage a beautiful and romantic one, which is rampant in most movies and drama nowadays, then it's gonna desensitise me from feeling it's not ok! And we know how when we are desensitised to something, it becomes permissible and eventually even desirable when the urges come. There is then less of a desire to stay clear and we are deceived into feeling, "Oh, God will understand. And I'm better off than 75% of the world." Such sel...

It's been 45 days into my new job scope after 18 years (minus 2 in between) of the same. New playground, new skills to acquire, and new boss and team mates to manage. Just like Cornerstone is celebrating its 20th, TP its 25th and Singapore her 50th, I feel that my change is another milestone crossed. I thought I would not be able to. I'm surprised that the transition has been rather smooth, with lots of support from trusted colleagues which I'm really thankful to God for. Recently I learnt and became aware of the need to contend for things that seemed ok not to have, in particularly marriage. There's the idea of being contented with Jesus being my Husbandman, the only One I need to please. A friend explained that if God had intended for me to be a celibate, He would have told me earlier and with that gift there wouldn't be a desire to look out for a relationship, which I am still. In my own thought, He wouldn't have wait till I am at a stage and age where I wo...

Stationed at the alumni booth this whole week, I saw thousands of fresh graduates attending the 14 sessions of ceremony that marked a new life's chapter. But when I saw the cohort of part-time diploma students streaming out in their graduation gowns with their family, I can't help feeling a deep sense of admiration for their achievements. Behind them stood their parents and many, their spouse and children, which also signified their juggles to fulfil family responsibilities, work and school. They are such an inspiration! See the many happy faces at facebook.com/temasekpolyalumni #tpalumni #temasekpolyalumni #perseverance #fruitoflabour #labouroflove #livelifetothefullest #deepadmiration #speechless

My 18th year in the same position, though a progressive and evolving one, has finally come to an end. By the grace of God, He has sustained me. And with His peace, I am now being led to lie down in green pasture. This week I had the liberty of not attending any of the auditions. I was assured by the new caretaker to autopilot. I trust he knew what he was doing because I am certainly enjoying my free time at night. From Monday to Wednesday, I drove out of campus when the sky is still blue and only slightly dimmed. I had dinner with Gerold and even had time to drive back to campus on Wednesday to show him around and chill at McD. This week saw many people with new path. Gerold started his 2 months at CSCC internship programme, Xu Li started his one-month programme at Proskeuno Institute, and I'm diving into a new division in a few hours. It's the official date. Also I'm starting a new phase of realisation of what it would be like to not stay alone, perhaps consider the possib...

I'm actually quite affected when you say I'm full of excuses that I can't go for the walk. I hate to disappoint you but it's no point explaining further because you're probably not taking it too hard. Just messing with me like a joke. Maybe I shouldn't be affected at all. It's too heavy an emotion for the kind of relationship I should hope to keep between us.

After my last post more than 10 months ago, I'm finally filling in the words into this blog again. The first thought that came to my mind when I open my blog and saw the last entry title was that I had hardly Carpe-d Diem...to much regrets. But before I blabber on as I know I would just on my regrets alone, I want to remember my impulse to write now was triggered by a conversation with an old staff who talked about having found the lost grave of his grandmother. How interesting! From this short conversation, actually while we were doing some photocopying, I learned that Singapore's first female doctor was Dr Lee Choo Neo . More info on her here . Wah... This reminded me of the US drama series, "Love Comes Softly" which I recently finished watching (who knows there might be more sequel) where one of the characters was the only female doctor in her town and where she went to serve as doctor later. Now that I have sparked off a post, I hope that I would really get ...

"Carpe Diem tells us to free ourselves from the worries, the anger and the negativity that is holding us back sometimes. It reminds us that it doesn’t matter where you came from, what you went through in the past; the only thing that matters is where you are going and that your future destination starts with the steps you take today." - Bernard Marr http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20130805051349-64875646-the-2-words-that-will-change-your-life-forever?trk=mp-reader-card I know this sounds a little cliche, but it is still a good reminder to Seize The Day . For today is the day that the Lord has made. Today, every day. I can't seize yesterday nor can I guarantee that there's a tomorrow. But today, as the Lord has sustained me, Father, let me remember not to waste it. Remind me to desire being led by Your Holy presence.

Dear XXX,   Please don’t call me, because I wouldn’t know what to say to you and nobody enjoys having awkward conversations. You can just ask me anything work related via email so don’t bother adding any elements of concern about my personal well-being because I don’t think you do. I hate hypocrites and would rather not have any small talks especially if I know it’s not going to lead to anything nurturing so I’m actually rather thankful of your outburst of crudeness when you are unhappy with me or other people. To me, you’re just my boss and someone so professional that you can work well with people you really hate. I’m not as magnanimous or unaffected like you and I fault myself for not being able to see things beyond totally impersonal. I try my best to see the truth and the objectivity of a matter and God says I need to love my neighbours as myself. Nowadays, I guess neighbours are not just residential, but people in professional setting as well. In our work environment, where w...

Before I begin, I should first disclaim that this is not about men. But THE MAN. Well it's my blog so I don't have to explain too much. I just wanna slap my own face and tell myself... BACK OFF ! Try to understand, if I must, though I can't, but don't expect others to want to be understood. So don't try to probe where it is not my position to do so. Not everyone wants to be understood, or to be known. Don't put people in a difficult position to have to stay away to avoid unwanted revelation. Sometimes we think that just because we want to be understood by someone means it should be the same for the other person. Perhaps the most obvious test would be, who's asking more personal questions than the other. Try to match. Personal spaces have to be respected and maintained accordingly. Don't go round digging from 3rd parties what was not revealed from the horse's mouth. That's actually quite disrespectful. Trust has to be earned, not coer...

This morning at breakfast, Alex reminded me of my role as a Student Development Officer. Above developing students through the arts, the core value should still be to care about the wellness of the students. I feel I have fallen a little in that aspect because I was more concern on the injustice of a JPSAE student not fulfilling her part of the deal in attending training than to be more concern on how she is doing in school. My first instinct was that she was being irresponsible for being absent without informing the committee or myself. There are many valid reasons on my part to nail her (and even her mother) down when what I should first consider is see how I can help her as a person. Why do I feel so offended and took things so personally that this is beyond breaching of “contract”, but betraying my trust? Is it really not a good thing to take it personally rather than detached? Are these 2, taking things personally versus being detached, on the opposite sides of the continuum? Perh...

Stop murmuring for one. God actually doesn't like it. Complaining is mostly about self-seeking. Self-seeking is pride and we know very well that God hates it and is the total opposite of it. And should I still be self-seeking at this point, it would be an appropriate reminder to myself that PRIDE COMES BEFORE DESTRUCTION. Nothing can be clearer. Stop holding on to what should and would never happen and let go of those fantasies that encourage me to conduct myself inappropriately or excessively. Stop trying to please men or seek their approval on my life. Would it be too proud to say that I don't need theirs? Maybe I'll just focus on pleasing God. I think just 3 for the moment would be a challenge to handle. I'll put a reminder to check out this post to review my new year resolutions. Perhaps having Don'ts is easier than Do's.

Sometimes I do wonder if we need to go down the depth of the rugged pit to feel the real desperation. From what I learnt, it seems that God will not be moved until You show Him how desperate you are. But how desperate is desperate enough? How can a person know how much they need God, or need to believe in order to satisfy the desperation level? Jesus, will You make a move even when I'm blind to my ways and numb in my soul? How do I know if it is worth the effort. I need faith to believe. To trust. To know that Your hand is already reached out waiting for mine to just move slightly. Perhaps it's my hopelessness that makes the small distance look big beyond what I'm able to bear. Can You help me to see and give me the push to act, to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? Perhaps it's my pride that causes the fear of appearing like a fool for trying too hard only to end up with nothing. Afraid that even the Almighty but Sovereign God refuse to save because tough love does not permit ...

Wind Beneath My Wings Songwriters: Jeff Alan Silbar; Larry Henley   It must have been cold there in my shadow To never have sunlight on your face You were content to let me shine, that's your way You always walked a step behind So I was the one with all the glory While you were the one with all the strength A beautiful face without a name for so long A beautiful smile to hide the pain It might have appeared to go unnoticed But I've got it all here in my heart I want you to know, I know the truth, of course I know it I would be nothing without you Did you ever know that you're my hero And everything I would like to be? I can fly higher than an eagle For you are the wind beneath my wings

In about 12 hours, Mommy would have gone to be with Jesus for exactly one year. I miss her still. We all do - her children and grandchildren. On the other hand, I thank You, Jesus, that because of You, we can celebrate her 1st year anniversary in eternity with You. Whenever I think of this, it is a hope that I'd one day get to see her again, in a place where there's only joy without sorrow, for eternity. The family will be meeting up in the evening to visit the niche at All Saints' in memory of her, and have dinner together. We gather because of her, because it was her love and giving of herself that kept us close together when she was alive. And even after she's gone, we are still knitted closely. I believe this is a legacy that she has left behind, and also something that we want to sustain. In fact, it seems we're always looking forward to spend time with each other. Mommy, we will carry on your legacy, remembering your love and your wish tha...

Such a beauty. I miss you, Mommy. Everyday...

Today I chanced upon this page in my staff profile. Mom's name is still there as the secondary emergency contact. By right I need to edit it. It's her one-year anniversary in exactly a week's time (6 Jun) that she has gone to be with Jesus. Maybe I should just leave it there :D

I opened for my beloved, But my beloved had turned away and was gone. My heart leaped up when he spoke. I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer. 7 The watchmen who went about the city found me. They struck me, they wounded me; The keepers of the walls Took my veil away from me. 8 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, If you find my beloved, That you tell him I am lovesick! - Songs 5:6-8 I'm lovesick and I'm not taking the test well. The test of Your withdrawal. The test for myself if You are a mere source of my satisfaction, or are you the consuming reason for my very life. How can I make You the consuming reason for my life? My lifestyle is reflecting a condition so far away from it. So far I'm not even sure if I see you as the only source of true satisfaction. I request for the actualization of Your prayer in me. The prayer recorded in John 17:26 where You asked that the love with which the Father have loved You may be in Your dis...

I wonder if the so-called leaders at my workplace are healthy... we are supposed to be producing leaders, aren't we? Are you healthy? -------------------------- 6 Danger Signs of Unhealthy Leadership by Leroy Barber Leading is not an easy job, and for most of us, it is trying to find balance between managing our own lives and mistakes while leading people. This can prove to be quite difficult and can lead to a ton of complications if not done well. There are a few signs to look for that will warn us if a leader is headed in the right direction and can help guide when deciding to give someone our support. I call them the red flags of leadership. 1. The use of too many personal pronouns when describing the work of a team or organization. Most, if not all, great accomplishments are the result of a good team. No one does everything themselves, and when a leader over uses “I” and “me” to describe the work of an organization, you might have a problem. 2. When a leader surrounds him or he...

Lately I've put myself up on a dating website with encouragement from colleagues. It has been an interesting experience, broadening my perspective of chatting up strangers and challenging my self-concept. I've never seen myself as attractive by the common social standards and my profile on the website is an honest one. So when people say they like what they saw and start messaging me and say they want to marry me after a few exchanges, I can't help but doubt their intention and put up the romance-scam alert. One strange phenomenon is their willingness to get into long-distance relationship. Most who state their interest are from overseas - mainly US and UK. I tell them straight on that I'm apprehensive about start developing a serious relationship with someone I've never met in person. I quote myself below from a recent reply to this German guy who signed off with Salam (I've also stated clearly that I am a Christian seeking someone of the same faith). "Yes...

By Lee Cockerell I think that the first part of my answer would be to tell you that you should just do your job... and do it well... and focus on what you can do and not what you can’t do. There is no doubt that all of us have had to work with people... or work for people... or have people report to us... that we did not like and even sometimes did not trust. You can stay in that situation and do the best you can, or you can try to move to another position if this bothers you too much. You can also go down the path of trying to better understand why you don’t like the person or why you don’t trust him or her and then think about whether you would be willing to sit down and discuss this with the person. For some of you, if it is serious enough, you might want to have your Human Resources Manager get involved to try to sort out what the issue is. Remember the old saying, “Don’t let the turkeys get you down”? YOU just do the best you can. There is another old saying, and that one is, “Don...