The State Of Desperation
Sometimes I do wonder if we need to go down the depth of the rugged pit to feel the real desperation. From what I learnt, it seems that God will not be moved until You show Him how desperate you are.
But how desperate is desperate enough? How can a person know how much they need God, or need to believe in order to satisfy the desperation level?
Jesus, will You make a move even when I'm blind to my ways and numb in my soul? How do I know if it is worth the effort. I need faith to believe. To trust. To know that Your hand is already reached out waiting for mine to just move slightly. Perhaps it's my hopelessness that makes the small distance look big beyond what I'm able to bear. Can You help me to see and give me the push to act, to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? Perhaps it's my pride that causes the fear of appearing like a fool for trying too hard only to end up with nothing. Afraid that even the Almighty but Sovereign God refuse to save because tough love does not permit getting the love so easily.
Show me, for I am blind, deaf and dumb and I'm not getting anything from You. Do not forsake me for there is no one else on earth that's worth staying for. That abundant life, how come I cannot find it? Why do I feel like it's so unreachable? Humility doesn't pay, and boastfulness is just fake confidence if I really have nothing to boast about. I'm just shooting myself since pride goes before destruction.
I am in no position to judge the level of pride of even the most hubristic person. I might be blind to my own pride. And if I'm judged in the measure I judge others, the best way is to be humble.
It's Christmas Eve. If this day feels so lonely, I wonder if I can face the festive and loving mood of New Year's Day and Valentine's Day. Every gathering is a dread right now.
Do I qualify for desperation now?
But how desperate is desperate enough? How can a person know how much they need God, or need to believe in order to satisfy the desperation level?
Jesus, will You make a move even when I'm blind to my ways and numb in my soul? How do I know if it is worth the effort. I need faith to believe. To trust. To know that Your hand is already reached out waiting for mine to just move slightly. Perhaps it's my hopelessness that makes the small distance look big beyond what I'm able to bear. Can You help me to see and give me the push to act, to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? Perhaps it's my pride that causes the fear of appearing like a fool for trying too hard only to end up with nothing. Afraid that even the Almighty but Sovereign God refuse to save because tough love does not permit getting the love so easily.
Show me, for I am blind, deaf and dumb and I'm not getting anything from You. Do not forsake me for there is no one else on earth that's worth staying for. That abundant life, how come I cannot find it? Why do I feel like it's so unreachable? Humility doesn't pay, and boastfulness is just fake confidence if I really have nothing to boast about. I'm just shooting myself since pride goes before destruction.
I am in no position to judge the level of pride of even the most hubristic person. I might be blind to my own pride. And if I'm judged in the measure I judge others, the best way is to be humble.
It's Christmas Eve. If this day feels so lonely, I wonder if I can face the festive and loving mood of New Year's Day and Valentine's Day. Every gathering is a dread right now.
Do I qualify for desperation now?
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