Lovesick




I opened for my beloved,
But my beloved had turned away and was gone.
My heart leaped up when he spoke.
I sought him, but I could not find him;
I called him, but he gave me no answer.
7 The watchmen who went about the city found me.
They struck me, they wounded me;
The keepers of the walls
Took my veil away from me.
8 I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
If you find my beloved,
That you tell him I am lovesick!
- Songs 5:6-8

I'm lovesick and I'm not taking the test well. The test of Your withdrawal. The test for myself if You are a mere source of my satisfaction, or are you the consuming reason for my very life.

How can I make You the consuming reason for my life? My lifestyle is reflecting a condition so far away from it. So far I'm not even sure if I see you as the only source of true satisfaction.

I request for the actualization of Your prayer in me. The prayer recorded in John 17:26 where You asked that the love with which the Father have loved You may be in Your disciples, and You in them. How do I qualify for that? Who has ever qualified to be in that position to be a carrier of that love? Help me to understand, Holy Spirit. Let me not as one who is deaf in hearing what You are saying to me.

I need Your love and forgiveness...

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