A New Season In Transit
It's been 45 days into my new job scope after 18 years (minus 2 in between) of the same. New playground, new skills to acquire, and new boss and team mates to manage. Just like Cornerstone is celebrating its 20th, TP its 25th and Singapore her 50th, I feel that my change is another milestone crossed. I thought I would not be able to. I'm surprised that the transition has been rather smooth, with lots of support from trusted colleagues which I'm really thankful to God for.
Recently I learnt and became aware of the need to contend for things that seemed ok not to have, in particularly marriage. There's the idea of being contented with Jesus being my Husbandman, the only One I need to please. A friend explained that if God had intended for me to be a celibate, He would have told me earlier and with that gift there wouldn't be a desire to look out for a relationship, which I am still. In my own thought, He wouldn't have wait till I am at a stage and age where I would feel more like, "God probably didn't intend me to have one. I mean, I'm how old already?"
I don't know, really. But what resonated with me more was the idea that, God had lots of promises for us which we still have to contend and pray for. And marriage is a gift! I should be aware that the enemy would want to rob me of my promise by thinking otherwise. I should not be passive about it any longer.
But I'm scared. The flaws I have. The scarred skin, my hair condition, my medical conditions, my size. When to reveal without feeling I'm presenting myself dishonestly to potential suitors...if there is one to begin with?
Yet I shouldn't be settling for second best. Wah, very trying leh!
Abba Father, in whose hand would you commit my heart? My mother is no more, my father is practically invalid and my brother never had any concern for this part of my life or any other, my siblings have their own family to take care of. I am all alone except for You. You have not closed my heart to desire for love and earthly companion, and I don't see how anyone can guide me in this, or be my matchmaker, but You. Will you look into this, my One and only Hope.
Do I have to learn intimacy with You before I can be entrusted to become another man's help mate? Am I not qualified? Am I not worthy to be considered? How long more do I need to wait? Tell me, what am I lacking?
Recently I learnt and became aware of the need to contend for things that seemed ok not to have, in particularly marriage. There's the idea of being contented with Jesus being my Husbandman, the only One I need to please. A friend explained that if God had intended for me to be a celibate, He would have told me earlier and with that gift there wouldn't be a desire to look out for a relationship, which I am still. In my own thought, He wouldn't have wait till I am at a stage and age where I would feel more like, "God probably didn't intend me to have one. I mean, I'm how old already?"
But I'm scared. The flaws I have. The scarred skin, my hair condition, my medical conditions, my size. When to reveal without feeling I'm presenting myself dishonestly to potential suitors...if there is one to begin with?
Yet I shouldn't be settling for second best. Wah, very trying leh!
Abba Father, in whose hand would you commit my heart? My mother is no more, my father is practically invalid and my brother never had any concern for this part of my life or any other, my siblings have their own family to take care of. I am all alone except for You. You have not closed my heart to desire for love and earthly companion, and I don't see how anyone can guide me in this, or be my matchmaker, but You. Will you look into this, my One and only Hope.
Do I have to learn intimacy with You before I can be entrusted to become another man's help mate? Am I not qualified? Am I not worthy to be considered? How long more do I need to wait? Tell me, what am I lacking?
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