Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

Had a good time at Harp & Bowl just now. For those who don't know, it's a Worship (Harp) & Prayer (Bowl) session. The Worship Ministry and Vanguard (Intercessory) Ministry had a 7pm to 12am combined session to do, as what the event name suggests - Worship & Pray. Went there with Chin Sin for the 10.30pm slot straight after cell group. It was a time of prayer in emotional healing and I received an instruction from the Lord - FOCUS ON HIM. It was a timely reminder and a posture to take on. Hallelujah! Thank you, Abba Father, for Your instruction. I will definitely take heed. I am indeed a beloved child of the Almighty God! Amen!

It has been a season of ups and downs. I'm sure that every thinking person in this entire universe would have their fair share of this rollercoaster journey. The thing with such trials and tribulations in life is that they cannot be compared between any 2 persons because we don't know what the other person has gone through and we certainly won't know how much more they would experience along the way. It's like comparing apple and orange. I find that there's too much of "me too" responses going around. I know in counselling there's this term called "normalizing" where you try to help the counsellee feel that what they are going through is ok, or what they feel is natural. It helps to a certain extent. It makes the person feel that you can identify with the problem at hand, or that you can understand the situation. Yet, if not careful, instead of identifying, we may come across as making our troubled friends feel that they "shouldn't b...

I took a read at my blog's header once again. Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again. "Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." - C.S. Lewis I once quoted another of Lewis' notable statements: "The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and purturbations of love is Hell." Hmm...I seem to like Lewis, don't I? So here's another one for you: "Many things - such as loving, going to sleep, or behaving unaffectedly - are done worst when we try hardest to do them."...

I think it's quite obvious. Yes, perhaps I shouldn't insist or even hope for anything more. I'm probably just being selfish. My heart is breaking, and I can't help it. But give me some time. I'll deal with it. With Abba Father's help, I can. Hoping versus playing dumb - it's a thin line in between. But eventually, one would have to take a side. Either way, it's going to be painful in the process. Yet, sitting on the fence would just be...really dumb.

Have you ever placed someone so close to your heart that you want to know everything and anything about that person - how he's feeling, thinking and doing at the present moment; his hopes and desires? His likes and dislikes? Today, I was tempted. So tempted to access some information to answer the many questions. Yet my love for that person made me hold myself back from discovering what I could so easily and legitimately get my hands on. The last thing I want is to enter where the door is not open to me. Merely knowing serves no purpose if it's not going to help in the relationship. Well, what's the point if, in the end, I can't do anything with what I know about you? Yes, I want to be a part of your life, to know how I can make your world a better place to live in. But not without your consent. I mean, what if I'm not even welcomed? Notwithstanding, it took a lot of self-control to just leave things as it is and maintain this respect for your personal space. There ...

I Will Fly Ten2Five You know all the things I’ve said You know all the things that we have done And things I gave to you There’s no chance for me to say How precious you are in my life And you know that is true To be with you is all that I need 'Cause with you my life seems brighter And these are all the things I wanna say, hey I will fly into your arms And be with you to the end of time Why are you so far away? You know it’s very hard for me To get myself close to you You’re the reason why I stay You’re the one who cannot believe Our love will never end Is it only in my dreams? You’re the one who cannot see this How could you be so blind? To be with you is all that I need 'Cause with you my life seems brighter And these are all the things I wanna say, hey I wanna get myself close to you

You know how it's like when you thought you were being helpful and caring and you did something for somebody, only to find that not only were you not appreciated, you even got a door slammed to your face? I remembered a conference trip to Sydney with a group of friends years ago. Being there for the first time, everything was new to me - the experience, the company, the purpose. One of our stops landed us in a place of interest and I came across a stack of colourful postcards on a festival that were free to take. So I took a few for myself and my friends as a souvenir. One of them was probably in a foul mood, cos he not only rejected it but made sure I knew that he couldn't care less about it. I was a bit upset then and complained that he should be more appreciative. And to that, he said, "I didn't ask you to do it what!" That really hurt. Well, thanks to God (and to that 'friend', after I was able to recover from it), I've learnt that when we initiate...

It seems that if you keep to one thing long enough, you can call yourself an expert. Don't believe me? Well I just came across this To-do-list-ologist. I was like, huh??? Quoting from the blog "TO-DO LIST has been a magazine and a blog. Now it's a book, To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soulmate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us, a collection of 100 lists and the stories behind them." The blog: http://www.todolistblog.com/ . Go knock yourself out! The book will be launched today (10 Nov 8pm US time) in San Franciso and she's even been interviewed on NBC11. That's how real this is. A random thought: To-do lists may not be the wisest form of recording things that you need to remind yourself to do. Cos if you are that busy or forgetful that you need a to-do list, wouldn't it be highly likely that you would lose the list cos you are too busy and forgot to look at it? Isn't it true that when you jot down all those things, you do it because you want t...

Was watching "It's So Over - 50 Biggest Celebrity Break-ups" on Channel 5. I don't usually watch entertainment news, unless I don't feel like doing anything else. A movie/dinner deal didn't come through so I was kinda stuck at home with a left swollen eyelid. Probably better this way - sometimes it's better not to insist. Anyways... Well, out of the 50 break-ups, 3 of the couples were from the reality show - The Bachelor. I recall watching a few of the late night episodes at random and vaguely remember it's elimination process, the bitching of all those women against each other, setting themselves up for emotional roller coaster rides. Some were pretty serious, and were ostensibly giving all they have in the hope to be the one chosen. Yet, as authentic as it had appeared on TV, and perhaps at that point of time they were genuine in their feelings with all the hypes, these 3 couples did not last, one of them barely made it to a month. I know it's ju...

2 Timothy 3:1-5 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! Romans 1: 28-32 And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, tha...

It was a simple dream, to do something that I'm familiar with - perform a song accompanied by TP Band. I had that dream not long after I took charge of the band almost a decade ago. Besides being grand to be accompanied in that manner, the idea was that I'm backed by people I love - my students. This year, my dream finally came true...well, half of it. The other half was really unexpected - performing on the clarinet. It didn't even cross my mind when I first picked up that instrument. The objective was to get a deeper understanding of how a band works from the inside, you know, the real thing, not just administratively, so that I could better manage it with the committee with empathy for the members. Learning the instrument opened up my understanding of the players' needs, considerations, and so on. A few things I found out as I learnt how to play the instrument and spending a lot of time with the band members within (sitting in) and out of practices: I finally underst...

I read a quote by Elbert Hubbard. "Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway." It really feels good to be able to trust someone, doesn't it? It feels even better to be trusted. People are trusted for different reasons and at different levels. Sometimes the variation comes with our encounter with the person concern or from our own experiences with others. At my first reading, this quote made some sense and even sounded nice. But I think it can be a bit overated. The quote seems to imply that not having the need to explain is one of the criteria for friendship. Does that mean that there's no need to explain ourselves and our actions to our friends at all? I feel that making that effort shows how much someone means to us. After the explanation, how much the person believe in our words, now, that determines the trust level and the depth of the friendship. We can't be very much of a friend ourselves if we can't even be...

Look at the object with your mind, so you will not be bound to it. In other words, look at it with your heart, and you'll get emotionally attached. So is that why some people choose to be cool and unaffected by things, and even people? Is that why some choose an intellectual disposition? Who is the more courageous one, then? One who is fully logical and void of feeling, or one who love with abandonment? Which approach requires more from an individual? It is said that to truly love is to love when the loving is tough. If it were easy, how true would that love be? You wouldn't know. Just like patience and longsuffering cannot be truly proven when circumstances run smoothly or when those around you are easy to live with. Love, patience, longsuffering, or whatever godly characters in person, can only be accurately assessed under difficult circumstances. It's natural to love those who love us or those who are lovable; overcome evil with evil. Yet we are called to love our enemie...

It's been a disappointing day. That was how I felt as I drag my feet walking home from the bus stop. I'm disappointed with myself and people. People who thought that because of some special occasion, exceptions could be made and took it upon themselves (again) to do the wrong thing. People who act irresponsibly and foolishly, knowing for sure what was not supposed to be done, yet chose to ignore warnings and in so doing affect the innocent ones. Liars! They simply gave me reasons to be on guard against them. I hate to be in such a position especially when it comes to relationships. It's tiring and makes me suspicious. I would rather trust and take people for their word. No wonder the world system is filled with "terms and conditions", contracts for almost everything, even marriages. Perhaps that's why some people would rather live in denial in the name of positive thinking, to overlook when their spouse (for e.g.) cheats on them. Oh well, personally I can forg...

Her youth was spent as an athlete , training for heptathlon but due to an accident she was forced to switch career paths . Not having other options she performs at family gatherings, weddings and formal celebrations. On one such occasion, a singing-master hears her and almost immediately begins to teach the 16 year old Erika. She has not earned a university degree but at the age of 19 she was the youngest opera singer to be contracted by the Hungarian Opera House. Erika has studied in Milan and in the US, has performed the "Queen of the Night' (Mozart: The Magic Flute) nearly 300 times and the role has become a part of her image as, she is requested to sing this role everywhere - Berlin, Paris, Madrid, London, New York, San Francisco. Besides her talent, they say, she is a delightful, 'attractive phenomenal' - on stage, the air virtually vibrates around her. Sold-out performances and huge successes are characteristics of her career but despite this she prefers the qu...

Apparently, I still CMI. Sigh... But truly, I appreciate the honest feedback from a reliable source. Can always trust this one for non-sugar-coated comments. I can deal with it... Yet having said that, 5 months already...what is wrong??!!! How to listen to another player and improve just by hearing? Can one actually listen to a professional player on the CD and pick out the tone and articulation of his playing? Hmm...I guess it's possible...just that I'm not there yet. So don't know what to pick out. I know that in singing, sometimes it's difficult too, but I see the possibility and there are certain aspects I can draw from. Though sometimes, when people ask me if I can tell the difference between the sound I produce before and after I applied some imaginery technique, I honestly can't tell the difference. Usually I just sing what sounds good to my ears. Cham le lah...less than 2 weeks only. The clock is mercilessly ticking away. No time le...I'll just do my bes...

I went to a free SSO Pre-tour Concert yesterday, thanks to a Church friend who is the Music HOD of her secondary school. We were seated at the Choir Stalls (right behind the stage). It was quite exciting. Call me mountain tortoise, but I've never watched a performance in the Esplanade Concert Hall from this angle. I felt like I was one of the performers cos we were facing the audience and the spotlights were extended to our section too. The plus point, well for me, was that I get to see quite a close-up (approx 15m away) of Maestro Lan Shui in action. And I realised that Conductors can be quite self-absorbed...so I'm not alone. Haha! Anyway, it was quite an eye-opener. So, coming back to the subject matter, the orchestra played 2 pieces in total. The first was 35mins while the other was 45mins. Unbelievable right? But each piece consists of a few movements. In terms of concert etiquette, well, you don't need to applause until the end of the whole piece. Even though the Cond...

This morning I finished the book which I've been reading for more than a month - " Passion And Purity " by Elisabeth Elliot. Such a sense of achievement. I think I could probably count on with both my hands the number of books I've completed in my lifetime, except for the textbooks that...eh? wait... hmmm... still within both hands. And this one is even more rare cos I find myself wanting to get back to it whenever I find a chance. And I know the lessons learnt in the book will take me through a lifetime of relationships of all sorts. Believe it or not, this book was given to me on my birthday a decade ago. It took me a 2-week MC and a crisis to dig it out again and it benefitted me beyond my need. God really has His way of getting His message across to His children :) Well, I have this bad habit of buying a book (or anything) at the spur of the moment, either (just) because it's the topic of interest at that point of my life, or that and plus it has a nice cover...

Misunderstanding is prevalent. It is probably unreasonable to assume that if you can express yourself clearly, you would be understood by all. As simple as I think life can be, human beings are hardly that simple. We come from all over, we have difference in background, unbringing, education, beliefs, values and experiences. Every second of our lives, everything and every person we get into contact with plays a part in molding who we are. So, just like our thumb prints, not one person is exactly the same. Even in the field of psychological research, nothing can be proven. Nothing can be 100% sure. Cause and effect studies can only be measured by degree of probability. It would make life less ambiguous if we become transparent in our thoughts, emotions and intentions. But unfortunately, everybody has secrets, things we would rather conceal sometimes for reasons unknown. To add to the complications, sometimes we don't even know our own intentions. I find that to be true many times of...