Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

If only I knew that those cloudy eyes of yours means that you would be leaving soon, I would have stayed with you longer that night. I wouldn't have left your bedside. I would have just sat there and watch you while you sleep. Stroke your hands a little, just lightly so that I wouldn't startle you from your rest. I wouldn't have cared for anything else but to just keep you by my side. I wish I could have more exchanges of words with you, to hear your voice. I'm just beginning to realise now that I miss you. It's starting to kick in. If it was just about me, I would be whining that I'm a pitiable person because I don't think I would find anyone on this earth who would love me the way that you do. I know it is not about me. Yet I can't help feeling pitiable. What if it's true? What if it is never to be my portion? Would I really be able to take it? Lately I feel that everything is going downhill. I couldn't pick myself to do anything with purpose. ...

It's been a month since Mom went to be with the Lord. 30 days to be exact. I miss her a lot and it's hitting me slowly. I think it's because Mom only came back home during the weekends and during the 3-4 months when she became quite weak, she hadn't come back at all. I decided to take a day off today and pay a visit to her niche at All Saints Memorial Hall. Picked Jenny up at Eunos MRT Station after her work and went together. The PA system in the hall was playing "Amazing Grace" when we reached - one of Mom's favourite songs. We arranged her flowers (only fake ones allowed), spoke little and had our own silent moments even though we were together. Then I whipped out my iPad and iPod and we went through the family photos I store inside. Some were really funny and we laughed together. We stayed for about an hour... time went by quite quickly. I realised that I spend more time with my sisters now. David is busy with the stall so I guess it's not as easy ...

My Personality Profile from be2: rationality vs. emotionality Rational people mainly draw on facts for decisions and are particularly quiet, able to analyze and argue logically. Emotional people are more likely to incorporate emotions into their decisions - the solution has to be a "good fit". Sensitivity, empathy and an ability to sense moods mark out their personality. Your personal profile: balanced, with a tendency towards emotionality You often make decisions instinctively. Feelings play a greater part in your decision making than rational deliberations. tradition vs. innovation People with a strong inclination towards innovation are open to change and welcome it. People who tend towards tradition desire stability and are wary of change. Your personal profile: moderate, tending towards high, inclination to innovate You strive for change and excitement more than most people. Nevertheless, you do occasionally value the comfort that routine brings. distance vs. attachment A...

I lost a friend to depression on 8 Feb this year. It was a grievous realisation that she's gone. I'm not sure if I've fully come to terms with it and how much I would miss her when it finally sinks in one day. God is still good. He caused me to bump into Jessie Yip. My singing kaki during my early years in Cornerstone Community Church. It was formerly known as Bedok Christian Centre. She has a strong and lovely voice and I've always enjoyed singing with her. Of all places in Singapore, we met in a lift at SGH Block 4. We were both visiting our mother. Her's on level 6 and mine on level 8. We could have so easily missed each other. But we didn't... I've been trying to look for her for quite a while. I think of her often, and especially this year, I don't know why. I tried to trace back to those who know her but the link was cut. I was so very sad. But all in good time, we met up today. Found out that she stays very near me. I'm going to meet up with ...

LOVE NEVER FAILS by Jentezen Franklin God wants you to experience a love like no other. When you love others, I believe you will receive perfect love in your own life. To help you experience this amazing love, I want to give you some practical Biblical steps you can take to find the love of your life. Hear and speak truth in love. According to Ephesians 4:15, we all need to hear and speak the truth in love. When you are heading down the wrong path, God will send His messengers to help turn you around. Be sensitive to the guidance of the Holy Spirit and spiritual leaders, and gain knowledge from God's Word. Rejoice in correction because it means God cares about you. Choose love. Scripture commands us to "set your affections" (Colossians 3:2). We are not slaves to instinct. Make the choice to love your spouse and uphold your marriage vows. Make the choice to love your children and pray for them. Make the choice to love God by spending time with Him in prayer, in the Word an...

It is so true that to develop one of the fruit of the Spirit, you need to insist on exercising those qualities in circumstances that you would most likely do the opposite. I feel that I have failed greatly today. I really let go of all restraints and almost "chopped off" all nine elements of the fruit prematurely. I got so upset and reacted as if God did not exist. Like the Holy Spirit didn't live in me. Isn't that scary? I'm disappointed with myself. 1. Delayed Completion I screamed at my sub-standard renovation designer cum coordinator because he kept extending the completion date and wasted so much of my time. Then he still use emotional blackmail on me, saying how he actually didn't need to do this and that for me, because it was not in the contract. I hated it that he made me feel I have no choice but to comply. I hated it that he disregard my instruction to cover my sofa and it became sooooooo dirty. I hated it when he tried to make me believe that he co...

Found this place at the back alley somewhere around Lorong 44 Geylang after viewing stuff for the house.

"Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of its trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse for impossibility, for it thinks all things are lawful for itself and all things are possible." - Thomas Kemp

Today I relived the days when I used to take public transport everyday. For a long period before I had Matty, I cab to work everyday. The usual frustration was the lack of vacant cab when you need it and then there's the tiniest thrill when you do the minute you stepped out by the roadside. Sometimes when it seemed impossible to find an empty cab, I would brace myself to walk out for an attempt to take a bus. The uncertainty of getting any buses that are not already loaded to the max with staff and students of TP seemed like a better option than standing and witnessing cabs being hijacked by passengers in front of you for the past 15 mins. So how did I end up in this position again? Matty broke down in the middle of the road on Saturday night after Service. I called for the tow truck to take it to the workshop at Eunos. The boss was kind and near enough to swing by and open his shop to receive Matty, and it's kept there since. The mechanic called at around 9.30am to say that it...

Lately I've been quite easily irritated by a particular person and I'm not very happy with the way I have been dealing with it. It's so frustrating because I know it is not a very Christlike thing to do. It has come to a point where I felt it would cause less damage if I just simply ignore that person. A term used nowadays for such people is a condition of verbal diarrhea. I say it is a condition of verbal incontinence. Lack of restrain. God help me!!!

It was an eventful day today. Sang for Choir in the morning. Tried the Pinoy food near Church for lunch with cell group after 2nd Service. 2.30pm attended a Songwriters' Workshop by Simeon (with Pete), Deb Fung and local artiste, Nat Tan. So happy to see the Aussie friends again. Learnt quite a bit that I hope to apply them faithfully. Desperately need Holy Spirit inspiration. 7pm back to Church to help clear up stage stuff for tomorrow's renovation. After that sent Pst Rupert home then ate late dinner at Old Airport Road Hawkers' Centre. Bro's stall already closed so I ate fishball noodle at a random stall instead. On the way to the car bumped into David. Heng I saw him cos when my car battery went flat I knew I could call him and he helped me to contact tow truck. Followed truck that towed Matrix to get my battery replaced at Lavendar Street. Had to ask Raymond to transfer money to me cos in case not enough in my account and the place only accept NETS or cash. So dram...

Yes, this is another pretty number obsession but not for no reason. It was Chalet 7 at Fairy Point (near Changi Beach Club), on 8 Sep 10 - the 3rd day of our family chalet. We booked a bungalow for a 4-day, 3-night family get together. Anyway, it was planned for mom when we found out about her cancer. So this trip was to gather everyone before she gets too sick from her treatment. Thank God, so far she's responding well to chemo, though she is currently going through massive hair loss. Anyway, I'm highlighting this particular day because we had a ball of a time sliding down this grassy slope at the back of the huge 5-bedroom bungalow. I didn't get to slide because of my foot condition but I had such a good time just being the video women, using my mobile phone. Some were done by Mui from another angle. We had one round before it started raining to our favour. After that the slope was wetter and more conducive for a second round of fun. I love all the sniplets so much I deci...

Bob and Kathy Fitts with this morning's worship team Jason Tay, Kathy Fitts, Bob Fitts and me Singing on the same stage with Bob Fitts in Church this morning was not just about a dream coming true. It was not about meeting my 'hero' or 'idol', though it was indeed an honour and privilege to lead our congregation with him. But really, it was more of a gratefulness of God's amazing love for me because He remembered. He didn't forget that dream which was laid down at his feet many years ago, when I had felt forgotten then, 'stranded' down under in Perth, away from the people and ministry I love. I felt then that whatever opportunity on any big stage was taken from me and I had to do something I hate instead - studying (haha, sorry mom). The God whom I have personally experienced to be a faithful Comforter helped me through that period of tough time by gently reminding me of the right perspective and attitude towards serving in the worship ministry where...

Since long long time ago in (not) Bethlehem, I had this dream that I would one day stand on the same stage as Bob Fitts as a background vocalist. As I'm writing this now, and listening to the old, old Hosanna! Music Praise Worship album - Proclaim His Power with Bob Fitts, those songs make my heart leap. I'm getting excited all over again that this dream has come true. In my early days as a Worship Vocalist (formerly called Back-up Singer) in the Worship Ministry, the Church I have been serving in used to take, quite extensively, songs from Hosanna! Music. So I was inevitably exposed to those albums, following and buying almost all the releases volume after volume (cassette format hor). In fact, my vocals and harmony techniques developed the most with the help of those praise and worship albums. In those days, where vocals sounds clearer than the instrumentals, and songs are composed to the vocal range comfortable to both genders, it is easy to catch the lyrics without having t...

Three more weeks on my aircast - the foot gear that's been allowing me to walk with my current fracture. Quite an amazing invention. Nevertheless, if the X-Ray shows insufficient recovery on 9 Sep, I'd most probably have to go for surgery to secure the affected area with a piece of metal... Pray for healing... So I finally got to spend some chill time with my niece, Joanna. We met at Starbucks at Marina Square (near the cinema), went walking (slowly) around the mall, watched a movie - "Step Up 3", and supped at Xin Wang Hong Kong Cafe. We both got home before 1am just now :P Note to self: next time must send her home...especially when her phone batt is flat. Prayed really fervently on my way home. Got a bit worried :( Thank God she got home safely... Just had the house valuated in the afternoon. Hopefully, the rest of the process in buying over my parents' flat would go smoothly. Actually the more troublesome part is the renovation. Lots of packing, discarding and...

I was given this Walker Boot to replace my fibreglass cast. Now I can walk without crutches... with care. It can be easily removed for shower. Unfortunately my X-Ray today shows no obvious improvement. If the condition remains after another 6 weeks on this boot, I'd have to go for operation to put a piece of metal inside. How, look like Robocop not? Lol... In about 8 hours' time, Mom would be wheeled into the operating theatre for her most major surgery...of the brain. We're all praying for you, Mommy. Sleep well tonight. Be strong tomorrow. Amen!

Jo called this afternoon. We had a good and super long chat (two hours!). We can talk about everything and anything under the sun. After 20 years, we have new found common interest - Korean drama. Lol... Caleb and Bob came by to visit at 5pm. Bought me a bouquet of flowers and McD for tea. My favourite double cheese burger without ketchup! Yummy... We had a good chat, too. Caleb did most of the talking though. Haha... But he was sharing with me about having progressive vision and being faithful in daily knowing God more. It was quite in line with what I was reading today about the Great Commandment (love God and others) and the Great Commission (ministry), meant to happen in this order. Then Mui swung by after on her way home from SGH and bought me dinner. We ate together, exchanged thoughts about the issue of getting my own flat. It was insightful and sobering. She gently dropped news about mom's condition. Looks like she's going to be staying longer at the hospital than expec...

I think I have skitzophrenia - I hear voices when I watch these videos... onetimeblind - MORE COKE - christian drama from onetimeblind on Vimeo . Comfort from onetimeblind on Vimeo . onetimeblind - LIVE IN ME - christian drama from onetimeblind on Vimeo .

"God’s pain is our comfort... And in the agony of Jesus lies our hope. Had he not sighed, had he not felt the burden for what was not intended, we would be in a pitiful condition. Had he simply chalked it all up to the inevitable or washed his hands of the whole stinking mess, what hope would we have?" - from Max Lucado's "God Came Near: Chronicles Of The Christ" I find these words comforting indeed. If what I'm going through could move the heart of the Almighty God, I'd find that I'm not alone, and I'm protected. If He could feel for me, I believe He will not let matters rest until I'm comforted, and until my status is where I'm supposed to be - where He purposed me to be. For 38 years, my life has evolved according to the choices I make. I cannot see the hands of God though I believe He is at work. But God's gift of freedom of choice lies the responsibility that is inescapable with its consequences. There's no Ctrl-Z. We cannot ...

I hate it when my plans are thwarted. You know, when you're all excited about what a good idea something's gonna be. You thought you've thought through it all till someone come with better sense and make your plans look stupid. I had to admit it. It would be even more stupid not to. With all good intentions, I wanted to get back to the office tomorrow. The timing was just right. It's Saturday, and nobody's gonna be at home. I can get past the how-are-you's and get straight to work. Mui had to be back at work, too and she was willing to pick me up and fetch me home after. The foot condition being an accident (unplanned), I wasn't prepared to work from home. I needed to get back at my desk to settle some stuff. Aye...long story. And with all good intentions, someone reminded me of how unrealistic and unnecessary to risk hurting myself further. I thought of the possibility and how further burdensome I would be if anything happens. I could not afford it. So, the...