Beginning Of Mid Life
"God’s pain is our comfort... And in the agony of Jesus lies our hope. Had he not sighed, had he not felt the burden for what was not intended, we would be in a pitiful condition. Had he simply chalked it all up to the inevitable or washed his hands of the whole stinking mess, what hope would we have?" - from Max Lucado's "God Came Near: Chronicles Of The Christ"
I find these words comforting indeed. If what I'm going through could move the heart of the Almighty God, I'd find that I'm not alone, and I'm protected. If He could feel for me, I believe He will not let matters rest until I'm comforted, and until my status is where I'm supposed to be - where He purposed me to be.
For 38 years, my life has evolved according to the choices I make. I cannot see the hands of God though I believe He is at work. But God's gift of freedom of choice lies the responsibility that is inescapable with its consequences. There's no Ctrl-Z. We cannot undo the things we experienced with our 5 senses. We cannot undo our thoughts, words and deeds.
Every easy choice today will have its consequences tomorrow.
(quoted from the movie - Doubt; words of Sister Aloysius Beauvier played by Meryl Streep)
Well, as today unfolds, (4pm now) I've received 70 over well wishes on Facebook and a few over sms.
My colleagues, 10 of them, came by to visit me at home during lunchtime around 1pm with a cake to celebrate my birthday. Fayanne, Hwee Hoon, Phaedra, Anne, Wee How, Darren, Paul Ang, Paul Cheong, Kennieth, Adrian (a.k.a Kris). Thanks for the gifts, birthday cake, durians, and fishball noodle! :D I wish I had taken a picture with them...
Presents revealed: Body lotion from Fayanne and Hwee Hoon; X-mini from Catherine who couldn't make it. Wonder how she knew I have been wanting to get this little powerful speaker :)
My birthday request to God is that during this period of rest, I will have a breakthrough in my relationship with Him. The whole package deal and have a knowing of what this life with Him is all about. It's like sometimes I know it, yet sometimes I'm a bit lost. I'd ask questions of what really matters, what's the meaning of being radical, how can I, being who I am would be able to fulfill His purpose, even with His help. What's going on? Is there such a knowing? Or we're not supposed to know exactly so that we can live by faith? Where's the evidence, though unseen? And where's the substance hoped for?
What am I hoping for? What's the evidence that I should be looking for? The paradox of certainty in everything not so certain. One issue I've been thinking of is my portion in marriage. Maybe it's not for me. Maybe I'm meant to be a caregiver to my mom and live with her to my old age. The married leave and are joined to their spouse. The unmarried would have to stay with the living parent(s). That makes sense, doesn't it? Having said all, I have to remind myself that:
" But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord." - Apostle Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32)
Entering midlife has a connotation of getting into a crisis. Yet I believe it doesn't have to be so. To the bin with all these psychological and sociological terms to label and put people in boxes and self-fulfilling prophecies. I have my share of depression, but mostly when I compare myself with others who are 'there' or whose lives look more happening. I feel like I'm losing out. The abundant life that Jesus promised doesn't come with a condition of marital and social status.
I'm gonna go spend time with my Creator who brought me thus far to midlife, and get my perspective right side up!
I find these words comforting indeed. If what I'm going through could move the heart of the Almighty God, I'd find that I'm not alone, and I'm protected. If He could feel for me, I believe He will not let matters rest until I'm comforted, and until my status is where I'm supposed to be - where He purposed me to be.
For 38 years, my life has evolved according to the choices I make. I cannot see the hands of God though I believe He is at work. But God's gift of freedom of choice lies the responsibility that is inescapable with its consequences. There's no Ctrl-Z. We cannot undo the things we experienced with our 5 senses. We cannot undo our thoughts, words and deeds.
Every easy choice today will have its consequences tomorrow.
(quoted from the movie - Doubt; words of Sister Aloysius Beauvier played by Meryl Streep)
Well, as today unfolds, (4pm now) I've received 70 over well wishes on Facebook and a few over sms.
My colleagues, 10 of them, came by to visit me at home during lunchtime around 1pm with a cake to celebrate my birthday. Fayanne, Hwee Hoon, Phaedra, Anne, Wee How, Darren, Paul Ang, Paul Cheong, Kennieth, Adrian (a.k.a Kris). Thanks for the gifts, birthday cake, durians, and fishball noodle! :D I wish I had taken a picture with them...
Presents revealed: Body lotion from Fayanne and Hwee Hoon; X-mini from Catherine who couldn't make it. Wonder how she knew I have been wanting to get this little powerful speaker :)
My birthday request to God is that during this period of rest, I will have a breakthrough in my relationship with Him. The whole package deal and have a knowing of what this life with Him is all about. It's like sometimes I know it, yet sometimes I'm a bit lost. I'd ask questions of what really matters, what's the meaning of being radical, how can I, being who I am would be able to fulfill His purpose, even with His help. What's going on? Is there such a knowing? Or we're not supposed to know exactly so that we can live by faith? Where's the evidence, though unseen? And where's the substance hoped for?
What am I hoping for? What's the evidence that I should be looking for? The paradox of certainty in everything not so certain. One issue I've been thinking of is my portion in marriage. Maybe it's not for me. Maybe I'm meant to be a caregiver to my mom and live with her to my old age. The married leave and are joined to their spouse. The unmarried would have to stay with the living parent(s). That makes sense, doesn't it? Having said all, I have to remind myself that:
" But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord." - Apostle Paul (1 Corinthians 7:32)
Entering midlife has a connotation of getting into a crisis. Yet I believe it doesn't have to be so. To the bin with all these psychological and sociological terms to label and put people in boxes and self-fulfilling prophecies. I have my share of depression, but mostly when I compare myself with others who are 'there' or whose lives look more happening. I feel like I'm losing out. The abundant life that Jesus promised doesn't come with a condition of marital and social status.
I'm gonna go spend time with my Creator who brought me thus far to midlife, and get my perspective right side up!
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