Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

I'm feeling so tired for the past few weeks. And recently with health issues both parents are going through, I'm affected with ferrying the folks to and from hospital - 2 different places. This is the first time I have been assigned to do such tasks and it doesn't help when both are not staying with me. Other things around me have been giving quite a bit of stress. Car, phone, CNY obligations, work and anything relationship-related. Plus it's the time of the monthly biological cycle that I get easily tensed about things. There's a limit to how many groups of people a person can commit to. I think I've reached my limit. I'm feeling choked. A colleague put it right that it's like we have so many plates to spin so no matter what, we need to be careful to do the rounds so that every plate stays spinning on the rod. We only have 24 hours a day. I'm in desperate need of a break. Perhaps I need to be pulled out of my need to be in solitude. Maybe I'm to...

Took leave today to drive Matrix for check-up. The 'medical fee' came to $729 mainly cos I changed all 4 tyres. The whole thing took about 3 hours. Thank God I brought my ASUS Eee PC and watched a couple of CSI episodes while waiting at the workshop. Then I went to find Zam at his VideoEzy outlet and dragged him away for a drink and chat at McD. Since I was feeling rather bored after that and couldn't keep Zam for long, I decided to go window-shopping at Fairprice opposite his shop. I just wheeled the trolley so I didn't have to carry my heavy bag around. Would anybody actually think that this squid was sicked before? A check on the dictionary explains 'Cured' as the act or a method of preserving meat, fish, etc., by smoking, salting, or the like. I learnt something new today. Still couldn't find my fish sauce. Only found these at Giant (a few days ago) and Fairprice (today), respectively. I shall persevere... Well, in the end (as usual) it became more than...

Path way between DES School and Student Development Centre The weather has been rather hot lately. I was on my way back from lunch at DES canteen when I noticed that a big part of the grass patch in front of my office building (photo above) has turned brown. Is the Church in Singapore really going through spiritual drought just like the land is now experiencing physical dryness? For the past few weeks, the sermon has revolved around harvest and the lack of labourers. Hence, calls were made for the congregation to respond to 'Go', or 'Give' (support the 'Go') or at least to 'Pray'. Pray that the Lord of the harvest to thrust forth labourers. It's time to put our hands to the plow, whether we are going, giving or just praying. And to have what it takes is really to simply make ourselves available and do what we can. Even if we are not willing, be willing to be made willing. Let's pray that we won't miss out on the work that the Lord is doing. ...

Didn't realise we have sooo many CCAs in TP: Students' Union TP Students' Union Academic Studies Clubs Applied Science Studies Club Business Studies Club Design Studies Club Engineering Studies Club Humanities and Social Sciences Studies Club Informatics and IT Studies Club Adventure Adventure Club Experiential Learning Facilitators (ELF) Arts and Culture BAND Chinese Orchestra CHOIR Dance Ensemble (Modern and Hip Hop) DIKIR BARAT Divo Diva FUSION PERCUSSION Indian Dance Group MALAY DANCE GROUP MUSIC VOX Production Crew Salvo Drums Teatro (DramaTec, Titisan Temasek and Rauthirum) Community Service Community Service Club Interest Groups Aerospace Engineering Interest Group Blackbox Beyond Boundaries Double B Energy Oasis ENGINEERRUS Newsletter Team FDM (Integrated Facility Design and Management) G-Force Global Connect Club Green Interest Group International Students i.Live Japanese Cultural Group Microsoft Student Community NYAA Challenge PACEsetters TP-BP Mentors TP Cliquer...

The plan was simple. I would bring the staple for a late picnic-style breakfast. Charles volunteered beverage while the rest of the girls just bring any leftover CNY snacks from home. Zam and Charles would bring their guitar to either entertain us or lead worship. Those who have it would bring picnic mat. With one sms, Fiona gave instructions for carpool and everything was set. It's amazing how when you're excited about something, it takes more to feel tired from all the preparation. Last night I stir fried my favourite Korean 'dong-fen' with leek, chives (a check on the internet says it's called 'chinese leek'), minced luncheon pork and 5 eggs. And of course, fish sauce. Let it in the frying pan and heat it up in the morning before packing it into a box. Also mixed a pack of crab sticks with mayo, sesame oil and garlic oil, and black pepper and left it to chill in the fridge overnight. Set aside some leftover sausages to be packed into the ice boxes in the ...

I love cooking with fish sauce. You can say I grew up with it. My favourite hawker food since childhood - fish ball noodle - uses it. Ok, those that use soya sauce can step one side. It makes a good difference if the cut chilli is soaked in it. So I was just eating the minced pork porridge that mom made. It tasted a bit plain so I added some fish sauce. Mmmm...I'm going to eat another serving. :P~ You know how you would sometime wonder. How could something that tastes so good be really good for health. One lingering thought I have about fish sauce that occasionally popped up into my mind to haunt me is...does fish sauce contain MSG? So I decided to indulge my curiosity this time and did a search on the internet. Well, apparently, the low grade ones do. And the article on 'How Fish Sauce Is Made' has it well covered. Well, it was enough for me :D One paragraph by the writer, Kasma, made me extra happy, "For your information, good quality fish sauce not only works wonde...

Last year it was mom and everyone visited her and had a mini reunion dinner at TTSH's visitors' lounge. This year, dad couldn't make it. He's also staying at TTSH. If not for mom who was recovering from the operation she underwent a month ago and couldn't move around too much; if not for the fact that dad's was an accident and we had already planned (food and all) to have reunion dinner at Peck's, we would have done it again. We had time to prepare for mom's admission. BUMMER! :( So my plan was to sleep in on Saturday morning. At least till 10am before I do my final lot of spring cleaning and then fetch Dad, David and Sean to Peck's house for Reunion Dinner. But I was awakened at 8plus. Mui called to say that dad is in pain and wanted to be sent to the hospital. I pulled myself out of sleepy state and rushed down to pick him up. On the night of his fall, Peck brought him to get an x-ray at CGH. The doctor couldn't find anything wrong. The pain mu...

I'm so glad dad's ok. Falling down from a high chair at his age is no joke. Anything can happen. When I read Peck's sms, the first thing that came to me was guilt. All I could think of was that I shouldn't have told mom to call him to fix the living room light, which was probably the cause of the semi lights out at home since last night. But that one has been flickering for a few days. Mui rushed down from the office first and brought him to the clinic downstairs and Peck drove down from Bukit Panjang. Where was I? I was in the office working and my phone was in my bag...in silent mode. When I got back, Peck and Mui were already waiting for the medicine at the clinic counter. Dad was sitting on the bench with bandage around his head. My heart is still in a sunken mode. I'm thinking about the small pool of blood on the floor that came from his head. I pray that it's just external injury. I wanted to say sorry, but I knew I would cry if I said it. I did manage to ...

God knows I need it. I'm desperate, more than I can admit it. More than I am conscious of it. Only God knows how much I am dying without it. And I felt it today. He did not let me go. He did not leave me alone in "Numb Numb Ville". It's strange to say this, and even sounds a bit cheesy. But I feel that He went there to find me. I got lost and He found me. His hope led me out, giving me the courage to move out of the counterfeits and into what could really satisfy. Let Your compassion fill my heart and awaken my soul. May I desire more and more each day to see You glorified in me and through me. Help me to stop being so caught up with my own needs. Open my eyes to see the world through Yours and enlarge my heart to understand what breaks Yours. Compel me to go. Get me out of my complacency and apathy, and respond to what really matters. Jesus, You are the Way, the Truth and the Life. Let me not settle for anything less.

I read about it in one of Jack Frost's book - Spiritual Slavery to Spiritual Sonship. I think it was a state of mind. Anyway, I'm still in the first chapter. But this 'Numb Numb Ville' kinda describes the state I've been in and out of for some time now. And while in it, all sorts of issues emerge and compound on one another to further complications and confusion. Just when I managed to get out of it, it sucks me in again. Get me out of this rut. Or if I'm meant to be in it to learn something, let me feel You with me. And tell me once in a while, that everything's gonna be alright. I feel like I'm trying to make sense even of the norm, as if there's more to it than meets the eye. Help me to focus. I suddenly remembered what triggered the frequent visits to 'Numb Numb Ville'. Trust. Someone had betrayed my trust. And it was not some life and death issue. You can say that it was a white lie, or a cover up to appear to be wise. I think "That...

Had quite a temperature yesterday. Subsided in the early morning but still not well enough to get myself to the office today. 2 days MC - haven't had that for a while. Slept almost the whole day yesterday and only got out of bed to see the doctor at the clinic downstairs, eat medicine, ate the porridge that dad came by to cook for me. He said he rushed over in a cab when mom called him. So sweet. Was really appreciative so I made myself eat a little while he was still around even though my stomach didn't feel up to it at that point. Anyway I hadn't eaten anything the whole day. But by the end of the night, I did manage to finish up the whole mega bowl of mince pork porridge and 2/3 pot of plain porridge with a big slice of steamed fish. Then it was back to bed again. On hindsight, I'm really glad I ate all the porridge cos I just realised that I haven't been drinking water that much. I was probably dehydrating. Mom has been in the hospital for the whole of last week...

JPSAE stands for Joint Polytechnic Special Admission Exercise. "The Joint Polytechnic Special Admissions Exercise (JPSAE), first launched in 2006, aims to make available a rigorous and challenging polytechnic education to students with special aptitude and talents. Under the Exercise, polytechnics are prepared to exercise flexibility in student admission while maintaining a quality intake. Polytechnics will consider students who demonstrate a strong passion or aptitude through work attachments, sustained involvement in course-related projects, outstanding performance in competitions like the Maths/Science Olympiad. In addition, students with outstanding talents/achievements in leadership, community service, entrepreneurship, sports, artistic and creative areas will be considered. Up to 5 percent of the polytechnics' annual intake of students can be admitted via the JPSAE. Each polytechnic has the discretion to determine its modes of assessment of students' talents, includi...

Another binary-ish day... which I have obviously missed writing on. Heck... today's another good one, so let's combine (may the force be with me...lol!). The past week had been a full week of work till almost midnight on Saturday. Thanks to Open House, my feet is hurting like...no I don't know how hell can hurt but I'm sure I was no where near. Oh, talk about Open House... I believe I have not had better weather for Open House than this year's. For one, the Band performed the full repertoire under cloud-sheltered afternoon , when just hours before, it was so wet and windy that one of our tents flew off the ground and killed a few kois in the pond. The ones that survived are probably still traumatized and hiding in safe corners. The morning was spent helping to salvage the rain-drenched equipment. I guess it's a small price to pay for the 3 days of non-stop programmes. Nothing beats hardwork wasted due to cancelled performances that disappoints the performers as ...

First work day for the new year in less than 12 hours. Excited, yet apprehensive. Apprehensive as challenges don't disappear just because hopes are up with new visions. On the other hand, hopes are strengths. God's hope - 'no horse run', and that's what I'm counting on, for life. That's just one part of my life - my share of the market place. There are many aspects to juggle. Work, Family, Church, Ministry, Personal life. I believe it's the same for everyone. One thing I learnt from yesterday's meeting, though, that none exists on its own. We can't compartmentalize the individual aspects. Everything intertwines, balanced by congruent living, walking in the Spirit and in the fear of the Lord (beginning of wisdom). God takes personal interest that I succeed in all because He entrusts the stewardship of this redeemed life to me. I love Jesus. He's been my Hero, more than I have given Him the credit for. And He loves me, too. In fact, He loved me...

I'm not a teacher per se. Nevertheless those working in an educational institutes were encouraged to attend due to a similar potential influence in the market place of the Education Mountain - one of the 7 mountains shaping a nation. After this morning's meeting, I felt that God has answered my prayer - strengthening me once again into my sphere of influence. Got a word from the Lord during the anointing service. It was a gracious reminder. Something for me to seriously look into. Really thankful for God's faithfulness in His grace and discipline. Thank You, Abba Father. Kenneth introduced me to this 'secret society' dim sum place called Bosses Restaurant. A bit pricey but was quite nice. Was a teeny weeny bit upset, though, that they charge $1 for ice water which I refused to pay for. Such a glam restaurant with a 'ghiam kah nah' customer service policy. If I happen to go there again, I'll bring the 85 cent 1.7 litre housebrand mineral water from Cold S...

Like binary code, this first day of the year. When near the end, a look-back makes one feel that 'time flies'. Yet, looking ahead, any apprehension tends to cause a dreadful outlook of a long year ahead. It's a matter of perspective. Change it or continue to dread...the choice is yours. Food for thought: "This is the day that the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24) Have been feeling kinda down lately. So I'm looking forward to the 'Market Place' meeting for teachers and people working in the educational institutes tomorrow morning, hoping to revive the purpose in what I do, day in, day out. You know, get the big picture and find greater meaning in the ground level work. Slept in this morning. Would have lazed around in bed if not for a lunch call. My brother's pasta was a good start for the day. After that was Sakae sushi at Parkway, Carls Jr at East Coast and a short hop to Starbucks next door. Oh, I managed to change...

Christmas season is usually a time for gatherings. And with all the "fei-lou-ship" comes feasting, inevitably. Can you imagine a get-together without food? In Singapore, it's actually quite hard to imagine. Let's count the feasts... 19 Dec - Band Christmas Lunch Buffet @ Downtown East Sakura 24 Dec - Office Christmas Lunch 24 Dec - Family Christmas Dinner @ Peck Hong's (a.k.a. 大姐's house) 26 Dec - Worship Ministry Team Leaders' Meeting cum Christmas Lunch at Caleb's 26 Dec - Cell Group Dinner at (the other) Caleb's Was supposed to go for another Dim Sum buffet this afternoon at Tung Lok but I pulled out the night before for obvious reasons. Yesterday, at both Caleb's, we had turkey...on the same day eh. Wa lau... cannot make it (referring to myself, not the turkey). And I realised... I got quite a lot of presents this year wor! :P I've caused so many people to be blessed (it's more blessed to give than receive mah, hee hee...).

God sees us through and through. There's nothing we can hide from Him. Truly, I find it comforting when I can get beyond my grief and bare my heart to Abba Father. He knows how I feel and why I feel the way I do. In His mysterious way He would show me my heart in the matter and gently correct me so I get the right perspective. Sometimes it's hard for me to accept it but in the end, there's release in that submission. God's ways are higher than man's ways add together. He sees the present from the future so it would only be wise to do it His way, even if at the moment it doesn't seem to make any sense. Release forgiveness and grant grace to those who deliberately rejects acts of kindness. Do not give up on those who are blinded by their own wickedness and see others as themselves. Continue to love. "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual host...

So they said, “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved, you and your household.” (Acts 16:31) When mom told me that she is signing dad up for baptism, I didn't know how to respond. She said she asked dad and he was ok with it. So last week he went through baptism class and the ceremony this evening. Except David's family, the rest of us were there to support. Definitely, an evening to remember. God is so faithful!

Maybe she's right. It's probably better to keep colleague interaction at work, and occasionally just go for a day's outing, evening meal. But friends should be able to go for a short trip together. I guess it depends. Would have to be really close friends who wouldn't mind just sitting around doing nothing and chat about anything under the sun.