Tired Of Trying

What do you do if you see someone you really miss online, but fear that you'd not be given the time of day...again.

I waited and waited, contemplating, remembering how a little wound recently was magnified with recollection of past hurts. But at this moment, I know that words from this person is what I need. Conversations from yesterday and today with mom had been rather depressing. I was at the brink of breaking down a few times today at the thought of what a disappointment I have been.

I need to knock myself out of it. I need to be strong, I need to make a choice to just do what is right and beneficial. Feeling helpless is not going to help. BUT...now, I'm so void of strength and feel so tired to try. Hopeless to even start.

Hence, I'm too weak to face another abrupt ending to conversations. Those that you wait so long for a response. Then while you are typing something, all you get is...gtg, bye. Disconnected. And all I could do was to close the dialogue box reluctantly...wondering perhaps I could have made it if I tried harder. Would it mean anything to you if I tell you now much it hurts? Would you say something to make me feel better?

So better not start. At this state of me, I can't take feeling stupid for waiting, dumb for making excuses for others when I know it hurts like hell deep inside. Is it considered simple-minded if one remains hopeful in a human relationship? Love hopes all things.

So WHAT IN THE WORLD does that mean???

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