Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

I read a quote by Elbert Hubbard. "Never explain - your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway." It really feels good to be able to trust someone, doesn't it? It feels even better to be trusted. People are trusted for different reasons and at different levels. Sometimes the variation comes with our encounter with the person concern or from our own experiences with others. At my first reading, this quote made some sense and even sounded nice. But I think it can be a bit overated. The quote seems to imply that not having the need to explain is one of the criteria for friendship. Does that mean that there's no need to explain ourselves and our actions to our friends at all? I feel that making that effort shows how much someone means to us. After the explanation, how much the person believe in our words, now, that determines the trust level and the depth of the friendship. We can't be very much of a friend ourselves if we can't even be...

Look at the object with your mind, so you will not be bound to it. In other words, look at it with your heart, and you'll get emotionally attached. So is that why some people choose to be cool and unaffected by things, and even people? Is that why some choose an intellectual disposition? Who is the more courageous one, then? One who is fully logical and void of feeling, or one who love with abandonment? Which approach requires more from an individual? It is said that to truly love is to love when the loving is tough. If it were easy, how true would that love be? You wouldn't know. Just like patience and longsuffering cannot be truly proven when circumstances run smoothly or when those around you are easy to live with. Love, patience, longsuffering, or whatever godly characters in person, can only be accurately assessed under difficult circumstances. It's natural to love those who love us or those who are lovable; overcome evil with evil. Yet we are called to love our enemie...

It's been a disappointing day. That was how I felt as I drag my feet walking home from the bus stop. I'm disappointed with myself and people. People who thought that because of some special occasion, exceptions could be made and took it upon themselves (again) to do the wrong thing. People who act irresponsibly and foolishly, knowing for sure what was not supposed to be done, yet chose to ignore warnings and in so doing affect the innocent ones. Liars! They simply gave me reasons to be on guard against them. I hate to be in such a position especially when it comes to relationships. It's tiring and makes me suspicious. I would rather trust and take people for their word. No wonder the world system is filled with "terms and conditions", contracts for almost everything, even marriages. Perhaps that's why some people would rather live in denial in the name of positive thinking, to overlook when their spouse (for e.g.) cheats on them. Oh well, personally I can forg...

Her youth was spent as an athlete , training for heptathlon but due to an accident she was forced to switch career paths . Not having other options she performs at family gatherings, weddings and formal celebrations. On one such occasion, a singing-master hears her and almost immediately begins to teach the 16 year old Erika. She has not earned a university degree but at the age of 19 she was the youngest opera singer to be contracted by the Hungarian Opera House. Erika has studied in Milan and in the US, has performed the "Queen of the Night' (Mozart: The Magic Flute) nearly 300 times and the role has become a part of her image as, she is requested to sing this role everywhere - Berlin, Paris, Madrid, London, New York, San Francisco. Besides her talent, they say, she is a delightful, 'attractive phenomenal' - on stage, the air virtually vibrates around her. Sold-out performances and huge successes are characteristics of her career but despite this she prefers the qu...

Apparently, I still CMI. Sigh... But truly, I appreciate the honest feedback from a reliable source. Can always trust this one for non-sugar-coated comments. I can deal with it... Yet having said that, 5 months already...what is wrong??!!! How to listen to another player and improve just by hearing? Can one actually listen to a professional player on the CD and pick out the tone and articulation of his playing? Hmm...I guess it's possible...just that I'm not there yet. So don't know what to pick out. I know that in singing, sometimes it's difficult too, but I see the possibility and there are certain aspects I can draw from. Though sometimes, when people ask me if I can tell the difference between the sound I produce before and after I applied some imaginery technique, I honestly can't tell the difference. Usually I just sing what sounds good to my ears. Cham le lah...less than 2 weeks only. The clock is mercilessly ticking away. No time le...I'll just do my bes...

I went to a free SSO Pre-tour Concert yesterday, thanks to a Church friend who is the Music HOD of her secondary school. We were seated at the Choir Stalls (right behind the stage). It was quite exciting. Call me mountain tortoise, but I've never watched a performance in the Esplanade Concert Hall from this angle. I felt like I was one of the performers cos we were facing the audience and the spotlights were extended to our section too. The plus point, well for me, was that I get to see quite a close-up (approx 15m away) of Maestro Lan Shui in action. And I realised that Conductors can be quite self-absorbed...so I'm not alone. Haha! Anyway, it was quite an eye-opener. So, coming back to the subject matter, the orchestra played 2 pieces in total. The first was 35mins while the other was 45mins. Unbelievable right? But each piece consists of a few movements. In terms of concert etiquette, well, you don't need to applause until the end of the whole piece. Even though the Cond...

This morning I finished the book which I've been reading for more than a month - " Passion And Purity " by Elisabeth Elliot. Such a sense of achievement. I think I could probably count on with both my hands the number of books I've completed in my lifetime, except for the textbooks that...eh? wait... hmmm... still within both hands. And this one is even more rare cos I find myself wanting to get back to it whenever I find a chance. And I know the lessons learnt in the book will take me through a lifetime of relationships of all sorts. Believe it or not, this book was given to me on my birthday a decade ago. It took me a 2-week MC and a crisis to dig it out again and it benefitted me beyond my need. God really has His way of getting His message across to His children :) Well, I have this bad habit of buying a book (or anything) at the spur of the moment, either (just) because it's the topic of interest at that point of my life, or that and plus it has a nice cover...

Misunderstanding is prevalent. It is probably unreasonable to assume that if you can express yourself clearly, you would be understood by all. As simple as I think life can be, human beings are hardly that simple. We come from all over, we have difference in background, unbringing, education, beliefs, values and experiences. Every second of our lives, everything and every person we get into contact with plays a part in molding who we are. So, just like our thumb prints, not one person is exactly the same. Even in the field of psychological research, nothing can be proven. Nothing can be 100% sure. Cause and effect studies can only be measured by degree of probability. It would make life less ambiguous if we become transparent in our thoughts, emotions and intentions. But unfortunately, everybody has secrets, things we would rather conceal sometimes for reasons unknown. To add to the complications, sometimes we don't even know our own intentions. I find that to be true many times of...

The Rose By Bette Midler Some say love, it is a river That drowns the tender reed Some say love, it is a razor That leaves your soul to bleed Some say love, it is a hunger An endless aching need I say love, it is a flower And you its only seed It's the heart afraid of breaking That never learns to dance It's the dream afraid of waking That never takes the chance It's the one who won't be taken Who cannot seem to give And the soul afraid of dyin' That never learns to live When the night has been too lonely And the road has been too long And you think that love is only For the lucky and the strong Just remember in the winter Far beneath the bitter snows Lies the seed that with the sun's love In the spring becomes the rose

So I learnt something new again... An overture is an instrumental composition intended especially as an introduction to an extended work, such as an opera or oratorio. It can also mean a similar orchestral work intended for independent concert performance. And 'aria' is a solo vocal piece with instrumental accompaniment, as in an opera. Sounds random right? But it's important knowledge if you're the Advisor to a concert band. And it saves you the embarrassment when someone asks you if you remember listening to a certain overture in an opera you've watched. Its definition alone should give you a clue at a fff level that it was performed at the beginning before the opera... and not during. Tootatitoot! A big DANG! till your head concuss, can? So bad that you wake up in the morning blogging about it. You get the drift...

THE WAY I WAS MADE From Chris Tomlin’s Album: Arriving Caught in the half-light I’m caught alone Waking up to the sunrise and the radio Feels like I’m tied-up What’s holding me? Just praying today will be the day I go free I want to live like there’s no tomorrow I want to dance like no one’s around I want to sing like nobody’s listening Before I lay my body down I want to give like I have plenty I want to love like I’m not afraid I want to be the man I was meant to be I want to be the way I was made Made in Your likeness Made with Your hands Made to discover who You are and who I am All I’ve forgotten help me to find All that You’ve promised let it be in my life I want to live like there’s no tomorrow I want to dance like no one’s around I want to sing like nobody’s listening Before I lay my body down I want to give like I have plenty I want to love like I’m not afraid I want to be the man I was meant to be I want to be the way I was made Ohhh… The way I was made Ohhh… I want t...

Perhaps it was the band practice last night that got me all wired up, but I'm truly quite excited about where TP Band is heading. My prayer is that this band would continue to move in this direction, to progress with every new batch of Management Committee, and that the dynamics of music-making with new people coming in every year would add to its maturity in quality. It hasn't been easy for any of the Management Comittees to make it happen because it would mean moving against the flow and dragging people out of their comfort zone. Along the way, many have misunderstood and even frowned upon the necessary changes. And many times, the student leaders simply stopped trying because they couldn't see beyond what seemed like futility. Sometimes I wonder what people mean when they say they love the band (or anything, or anybody). What is their definition of love and which aspect of it do they have that affection for? If you love something, wouldn't you want it to become bette...

I had butterflies in my stomach every minute I thought of going for my first band practice this evening. The 2 big butterflies of anxiety and excitement was fluttering within me the whole day. Thank God work at SAA is always 'on the go'. Otherwise the butterflies would have flown to my knees as well, I'm sure. I couldn't wait to get out of the office and into the band room when it was near 6pm. I didn't go for lunch break today, hoping that I could go off at least half an hour earlier before knock off time to practice my piece. But I only managed to reach there after 6pm. Had some time to assemble my clarinet and did a few rounds of the piece to warm up. When Law Wei stood up on the platform, I was like "Oh no, combined warm-up! How?" I was quite hesitant. Everything was so new to me. I mean, I have watched the Band do their drills quite a few times. But for me to sit there and do it with them is a different story altogether. I didn't know what to expe...

When We Miss the Target by Max Lucado Read the first verse of Matthew’s gospel. Jesus knew David’s ways. He witnessed the adultery, winced at the murders, and grieved at the dishonesty. But David’s failures didn’t change Jesus’ relation to David. The initial verse of the first chapter of the first gospel calls Christ “the son of David” (Matt. 1:1 KJV). The title contains no disclaimers, explanations, or asterisks. I’d have added a footnote: “This connection in no way offers tacit approval to David’s behavior.” No such words appear. David blew it. Jesus knew it. But He claimed David anyway. He did for David what my father did for my brother and me. Back in our elementary school days, my brother received a BB gun for Christmas. We immediately set up a firing range in the backyard and spent the afternoon shooting at an archery target. Growing bored with the ease of hitting the circle, my brother sent me to fetch a hand mirror. He placed the gun backward on his shoulder, spotted the archer...

Just got back from Choir BBQ at Aloha Loyang Pasir Ris - the name makes me wonder if it's Loyang or Pasir Ris?? Can't make up their mind? Haha...random... It was quite fun, actually. I enjoyed myself because all of them seems to be happy with each other's company. Have you ever been to a gathering where people are not initiating conversations or the cliques just keep to themselves and not move out of their groups to interact? It's really awkward. But the Choir BBQ was hardly awkward. Everybody look like they're having fun. Angila even brought her keyboard and they performed on the spot the 2 songs that they were going to do for the coming ENG Freshmen Orientation at Audi 1. Not bad :) Well, I would have stayed earlier if the shuttle bus out of that ulu pandan place ends later. The last bus was at 10:15pm...so that's why I'm home this early. It's about the same time I would be home if I join the Band for supper after their practices. I used to do that alm...

Love is patient. After going through what I've been experiencing, I'm again amazed at how patient God has been with me and His people. His love is indeed unchanging and neverending. I need to draw from the source of it daily. Love is kind. I've learnt that kindness should not come with expectation that it would be reciprocated. Not so much to protect myself from hurt but because showing kindness with such an expectation becomes self-seeking. I've also learnt that not all kindness can be appreciated, and it's ok. Press in because at least I bring pleasure to my Abba Father. That would suffice. Love does not envy. There's really nothing to be envious about when we learn to love what God commands and desire what he promises. God has a different destiny for everyone individually and we are not to covet that which is not our portion. Love does not boast. Love is not proud. Sometimes we can try so hard not to boast but it becomes so obvious that we are doing just that...