Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

Perfect Love by Max Lucado Isn’t it good to know that even when we don’t love with a perfect love, He does? God always nourishes what is right. He always applauds what is right. He has never done wrong, led one person to do wrong, or rejoiced when anyone did wrong. For He is love, and love “does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth” (1 Cor. 13:6 NASB). God passes the test of 1 Corinthians 13:6. Well, He should; He drafted it. So where does this leave us? Perhaps with a trio of reminders. When it comes to love: Be careful. Until love is stirred, let God’s love be enough for you. There are seasons when God allows us to feel the frailty of human love so we’ll appreciate the strength of His love. Didn’t He do this with David? Saul turned on him. Michal, his wife, betrayed him. Jonathan and Samuel were David’s friends, but they couldn’t follow him into the wilderness. Betrayal and circumstances left David alone. Alone with God. And, as David discovered, God was enough...

So fast, the weekdays are almost over. Soon, I'll be able to see Ben again. Taking AM leave on Monday to pick him up and then bring it back to school for a quick fix. End of your vacation, buddy! Hopefully my colleague is able to revive it so it could be a back-up PC at home for basic usage. Quite obsolete. Maybe I should change its name to something more ancient - Ben-hur, as in...hur hur hur! Ok, I'm going crazy. Withdrawal symptom from not using my laptop. Ya, right. I hope not to have to go COMEX cos it's going to be jam-packed. I don't really enjoy taking 5 mins just to get from one booth to another. Plus all the near-slips walking on those flyers thrown all around the floor. Hopefully my 'resource person' will be able to give me some good info to compare to the online deal for staff/students of IHLs (Institutes of Higher Learning). No doubt all the parking spaces around Suntec (Marina Square, Esplanade etc) would be scarce from today till Sunday. That leav...

Yes, finally, after so many attempts over the past 8 months, I won my office's... Dress-up Friday contest! And the theme of the month? ROLE PLAY. Muahaha!!! In case you are wondering what's the big hoohaa about, well, some enthu colleagues decided to make our last Friday of the month more exciting by initiating a Dressed-Up Friday. So all of us threw in ideas for 12 themes, one for each month for 2008. So far it has been quite successful and I've been voted at the Bohemian, Retro and Role Play month. And guess what I dressed up as? Ma-Jie (traditional Chinese nanny). Ahaha... Of course this is not part of my wardrobe (which doesn't have a lot of variety, anyway). I wore this outfit in TP's 15 Anniversary Musical - Moon People. My character was that of a Grandma. Let me share a few pictures with you. Well, so I've put my apparel design lecturer friend's work to good use and wore this outfit even after the musical. If I did not win this Dress-Up Friday contest...

Dilemma... It's something we get into, either voluntarily, or involuntarily. Choices, decisions, options. Headache... Have I ever told you I get stressed out doing surveys, especially those personality tests. The options they give are so closed-ended. Yet we all know that in life, many important decisions we make are circumstantial. It's a blessing to have options. Just that preferrably, I'm not the one making the big decisions alone. I suppose I'm a low-to-middle level risk-taker. I need lots of information to be sure of my decisions. Of course, sometimes life's situation doesn't always allow you that luxury. Yet, it is important that we stand by the choices we make and be responsible for the consequences. What's important is that the decisions were amde to the best of one's knowledge and intentions. That, of course, will not excuse us from any tough consequences, nevertheless. This sms suddenly found it's way to my consciousness, which I find ironi...

Today is one of the rare occasions where I reached the office much earlier than my official reporting time. Feels kind of good, actually, despite getting this little lump on my left upper eyelid. I was getting ready to wash my face this morning when I saw this awfully familiar redness. I was like, "not again!". Seems like my flu bug is determined to leave something behind before it goes away. Still having a bit of it, but at least I'm still able to sing. This is the 1-2 week window period that happens like 4 times a year where I don't have to stay back in the office. Think I'm going to start cleaning up my room. Ya, better do it before I change my mind. Had a good time with Ruizhen yesterday. We met for dinner at the Imperial Treasure La Mian Xiao Long Bao at MSq. By the way, the 'xiao long bao' at Hua Li Xuan tastes better and is more worth it...a miserly tiny 4-pc at Imperial compared to the 6 double-sized ones at HLX. It was pouring when we met, but tha...

As much as I believe in confrontation, I never look forward to having one, unless it is to seek understanding, to improve my relationship with people I care about, and/or people whose opinions matter to me. Sometimes I'm a bit slow, but I don't like leaving things hanging. Not that those reasons make it any easier. In fact, those are harder to begin with, cos the stakes are higher. I mean, what if it doesn't turn out right? What if my intentions are misunderstood? Perhaps it doesn't matter to the other person as much as it matters to me. Does that count? Guess I'm being selfish. Oh well... It's a stay home for me today. Seems to have caught the bugs since Tuesday. Sneezed almost non-stop yesterday. By evening time before I left the office, I knew it was not going to be pretty the next morning. Gonna watch a few movies I bought that day. See how the rest of the day goes. Hope that Matrix isn't attracting any splashes from above. Just went for a quick wax and ...

I'm sure I'm not the only one who noticed the peculiar date today. And last year's occurred on my birthday. Quite happening also, haha... Well, I just got back from Worship Ministry Meeting. Thanks to all who prayed for the team leaders. I'm gonna find out what it means to be daughters like pillars sculptured in palace style. Well, I know it's found in the palace and it beautifies the interior. Pillars are tall, strong support, and those mentioned in Psalm 144:12 are beautiful, sculptured in a way fitting as ornaments of a palace. Spiritually, probably God's own handiwork, His masterpieces, designed in a way that gives Him pleasure and glorifies His name as He is able to show them off. Carving is painful, too. So probably the sculpturing speaks of God's work in a person's life that develops one's character. I hope to be one in the Holy of holies :)

Can somebody please deliver that 'deadly iron palm' on me? Gosh! How could I forget to collect my Philwinds Concert tickets from SISTICS when I was hanging out opposite Esplanade today?!! Aiyo, wo de tian ah! I think I should go for a session of ECT (Electro-Convulsive Therapy) to send my brain cells for some dancing class. Too bad that's not exactly what it's used for. Oh well, maybe should just go for the traditional method - eat 'dun zhu nao' (double-boil pig's brain) to nourish my brain cells. Ahaha... Trivia: Apparently, in the US market, there's this device described as the cranial electrotherapy stimulator to defeat fear by passing electricity through the brain and re-tuning cells. Can't be bothered to look up, but maybe there IS something in the market to help better one's memory. Hmmm... Anyway, today I was mostly on the road. Sent Ben for servicing (ok, I'm referring to my BenQ laptop). Drove Matrix to the usual mechanic to examine ...

I feel like slapping myself 5 times. Then I thought...it's not going to help, so what's the point. If you knew the 3 things I did (forgot) within 48 hours, you'd probably slap your palm on your forehead. And I've yet to recall if there were any I might have forgotten. I think might as well just thrust a "tie-sha-zhang" (deadly iron palm) to my forehead. Well, perhaps it's a result of insufficient sleep again. The effects of the same 'insomnia' that's causing me to restart the EeePC so many times because it went on standby when I dozed off. So tired from trying to resolve the 'storms' within me. Tired of justifying my affection. Let's change subject. So it has been almost 3 years since I held a mic and sang for Sunday Service. My Worship Ministry port folio changed ever since we started the Choir. Thank God I haven't lost it, haha... Well, it was good yesterday. There was such liberty to just sing and move in God's presence, ...

This morning I was awaken by the irritating house phone ringing. By the time I crawled to it, it stopped. SUPER IRRITATED! Anyway, I couldn't get back to sleep. I was reminded of my laptop which has stopped functioning. Thank God I got the EeePC from Kenneth last night. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to even check where I'm going to send BenQ for servicing. And I can forget about blogging now and doing anything electronically over the weekend. Maybe I'll ask him to let me have it till after the exams or at least after BenQ is up again...or maybe, just maybe, I might find something suitable at the next pc fair. Burning more holes in the pocket. Anyway, the servicing centre only opens during normal office hours from Mondays to Fridays. So I guess taking leave would be inevitable. Would have to be Tuesday earliest, cos Monday got audit...and one of my projects were recommended for checks. So the past couple of weeks have been reviewing papers and ensuring things are ...

It's been a tiring week. Feels kinda drained out even though it's only half way through the work week. Have recently taken up a new hobby - growing water babies. I bought them from mini toons. A few months ago I was at Ritz Carlton to sign some investment papers. The tables in the ballroom, where the session was held, each was decorated with a wine glass filled with these water babies. They were clear, transparent balls slightly bigger than the size of marbles. Apparently it was the water source for the flower placed inside the wine glasses. This is nothing new, really. Just my new fascination. Anyway, so I was shopping one day at Parkway when I saw the water babies in assorted colours. The original state was the size of "bao-ji-wan" (what you would eat if you are suffering from diarrhea). I was delighted with what I saw, so I bought all 7 colours...and one more pack of the same colour cos it was selling cheaper per pack if you buy 4 packs. Sadly, they didn't turn...

Had 2 afternoons of rehearsals for 2 of my arts groups and myself. Yes, me...haha. Was invited to lead the whole group of student performers on stage and all in the audience for a finale item with another staff. It was quite a rush of emotions from the minute I was on standby. Thank God I didn't forget my lyrics. It's not like doing background vocals during Church service where the lyrics are flashed behind the congregation. Even though it was "We Are Singapore" - sing until teeth drop already (figuratively) - but stage fright can be quite...frightening, ahaha! Actually my biggest worry was the super high notes at the pledge song - "so as to achieve HAPpiness, prosPErity, and PROGRESS FOR OUR NAtion!" It was unreachable during rehearsals, ok! I felt like I was killing some chickens. So I was quite delighted to be able to glide through those notes smoothly on Friday morning's National Day Celebration at Audi 1. Must be the vocal warm-up exercises I did be...

Major headache this morning. Disturbed sleep. I wonder what's been bothering me in my slumber. Have you ever had dreams that you would try to remember after you wake up, but find that, the more you try to recall them, the more they fade from your mind? It happens to me sometimes. There are times when I do remember. And usually if I do, it would be because I was awoken by them - sometimes in fear, sometimes in bliss (as if it's too good to be true). Some dreams feel like a very long story, cos there's like an awareness of some story behind each scene. And it just evolves, and unrelated scenes just intertwine to make up a seemingly related storyline. Of course there are times that I don't remember having any dreams, or can't even be bothered thinking about it, probably because there are other more important things at hand, like... "oh no, I'm going to be late!", need to go to the bathroom, and "huh?...it's only... back to sleep" Ahahaha... ...

Today felt like a breath of fresh air. First of all, I had more time than I thought to finish up some work and it allowed me to do it with a bit of details to make it more comprehensive. It gave me a take-one-step-back view of the financial standing of my student groups. I was also quite pleased with myself that I managed to complete this work development paper last Friday night while waiting for Band Meeting to start, and got it signed on time for submission yesterday. From these 2 incidents, I find that my recent episode of 'mild depression' got better. More motivation to work and live (ok, a bit exaggerating). If Maslow was right, I'm probably swinging predominantly up and down the need of self-actualization. Anyway, I took PM leave today, supposedly to accompany MM to settle some personal stuff around Outram. End up getting there quite late because I had to attend to some last minute walk-ins just before I wanted to leave at 2.15pm. To cut the long story short, by the t...

I must take this rare chance to blog. Cos don't know when I can get to this page again with my PITA (pain in the ***) internet connection. Don't ask me what I'm waiting for to do something about it...maybe because I'm just not in the mood. Recently there's this urge to flare my way deep into detachment. Feel so helpless, useless, misunderstood...ANGUISH DEPRESSION! It's like brewing up within me, suppressed by the need to behave 'properly', and relieved by God's touch of grace. I remember saying that detachment is not the way to go. I still believe strongly in that, and hence the desperate daily struggle to keep myself intact. Somehow I think I have that tendency. God knows who can get me out of it. But it's just not happening and I feel the magnet that's sucking me into that pit of isolation. It feels like a cycle. Oh God, please don't let contempt be bred within me. Argh!!! Get out! Get out! Intolerable Pain -> Change. I heard this i...