Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

For all that has happened, I choose to thank You, God of our salvation. For all that You are, I boldly approach You, holding on to Your promise for us. Your faithfulness will never be moved. Your steadfast love never ceases. Your mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is Thy faithfulness. ONE THING From Hillsong Album - Saviour King One thing I desire One thing I seek To gaze upon Your beauty, Your majesty God of my salvation Lifter of my head Teach me how to live, O Lord In Your righteousness So I pray to You So I pray to You Lord, Your name is higher than the heavens Lord, Your name is higher than all created things Higher than hope, higher than dreams The name of the Lord In the day of trouble You cover me In the secret place of refuge Lord, I will sing I will seek Your face Call upon Your name, Jesus All I want is You, Jesus

Near drowning... What are you thinking?? What are you trying to do!!!??? ... Those were the first thoughts that came to my mind to justify my anger and perhaps my inability to comprehend. I desperately need more love. Blaming is never the solution, even to all the old scores. It just traps you in a box of pain, helplessness and guilt. So I pray you'd find release. May God give you wisdom and a clear mind to figure out the difference between the past and the present. Don't bring out the past to add unnecessary weight to faults of the present, even if they appear to be related. May God give you the courage to do what is right, so that you would not go through another round of wrongs. He can use what you've done wrong and make it right again, if you'd let Him. Really. Nothing is impossible for Him. He is the mighty Redeemer, the God of miracle and salvation. He came to die for our sins, yours included. I need you to make it through - for you, for me, for all of us, for all...

Betrayal, deception, breach of trust. If we're not careful, it will indefinitely produce a heart of bitterness. Remedy...FORGIVENESS. A time of privileged sharing brought to knowledge a certain incident of betrayal of a trusting friend. By God's grace this friend did not succumb to bearing grudges, but made the choice not to take action. However, the pain of the betrayal lingered, dressed in the disguise of anxiety, hence not detected until after more than half a decade. Nevertheless, this precious soul looked to God for comfort and direction, and God unveiled the pain within, and that the true need was not peace to overcome the feeling of anxiety, but healing of a broken spirit. Proverbs 18:14 The spirit of a man will sustain him in sickness, But who can bear a broken spirit? I admire the courage of this precious soul whom I adore and look up to. Indeed those who seek truth shall find it. Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness shall be filled, and are called "bless...

I meant to write something beautiful today. But my thoughts were interrupted by an upsetting episode of family drama. I feel for the one who has been hurt again and again and again by someone who has again proved to be a successful a**ho*e, who hasn't seem to learn from mistake, who has a warped sense of responsibility and priority, and whose remorse (if there ever was) is too shallow to reach any point of repentance. Should I continue to hope? At this moment, I wish I could just pick up my phone to call a certain someone that I trust would be a strong emotional support. I wish to confide in this person. Let this person know what has been happening, how I'm feeling. Just pour out and hope to be comforted. But I really do not have the confidence that I could so freely assume such a position. My past assumptions, though sincerely unintentional, have been met with rather unpleasant response and were rather heartbreaking. Thank You, Abba Father, that even as I am writing this entry...

Here I am, sitting in front of my eNotebook, down with another episode of 'eye needle' - direct dialect translation of 'bak-cham' (tongue-twister: direct dialect OR dialect direct...haha). I used to get this swollen eyelid condition a lot. The frequent outbreak of the past few times seems to be the way it's acting up nowadays. It's been more difficult to go away, unlike before. As I'm writing this, I'm reminded of this sermon about some'body' also having the 'I' problem, as my church pastor put it, from the verses... Isaiah 14:13-14: 13 You said in your heart, " I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain. 14 I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High." a I yah!!! Hello, it's really not up to anybody, any being. We are but God's humble creation. Pride is a sca...

This afternoon I left right after conducting the Choir at the 2nd service's praise and worship session to attend my uncle's funeral. Today was the procession and cremation. I was not really close to my uncle. I probably only saw him at most 3 times a year. But my impression of him is that he doted on us. I've never seen him get angry before, and he was an easy-going person. I remember that he always walked with his hands behind him, very relaxed and steady. When I reached the venue, there was the Chinese band playing. It was so loud there was no point talking to anybody. There was also a brass band after that. So I just sat there quietly amidst the clanging. From where I sat, I saw my aunt leaning her head on my 3rd sister. She looked so tired, void of strength after 6 days of wake. My heart ached for her and thoughts of my late uncle also made it difficult to control the tears from welling up. Dear Abba Father, I pray that You'll renew my aunt's strength and comfor...

Was going through an old album I put together quite a while ago of pictures taken mostly when I was around 2 years old. I don't know how it ended up at my sister's at Choa Chu Kang. The families were there to celebrate one of my nieces' birthday when my eldest niece, Jiahui, brought it out for me. Originally mine, yet I had to convince her to let me take home to scan the pictures. Hopefully she would forget about it, haha...evil aunt. Anyway, my eldest sister came over this afternoon and so I showed it to her. She exclaimed how cute I was (you mean now not cute meh? diao...) and commented on how young Mom was in this picture: Mom was half a decade younger then the current me in this picture. Can you imagine me having 5 children, or anybody for that matter? Gosh... There was a period in our past where there was a really tough period for her because she almost had to keep things up single-handedly. Mom had never gone to school and that made it even more difficult with the ki...

The Answer Lyrics by Corrinne May Ying Foo Music by Gustav Holst, ‘Jupiter’ from The Planets Suite Copyright 2006, Corrinne May Ying Foo I believe You are the answer To every tear I’ve cried I believe that You are with me My rising and my Light Give me strength when I am weary Give me hope when I can’t see Through the crosses I must carry Lord, bind my heart to thee That when all my days are over And all my chores are done I may see Your risen glory Forever where You are.

I was jolted out of bed by a call for early lunch. Just minutes before I was still snoozing my phone alarm all the way. Yes, it was a work day and I was at home. Earlier, my head was spinning and neck aching, and decided that it was too painful to get myself to work. I didn't see it coming but it was a blessing in disguise. Sadness melted into joy. What a few words of concern can do to a sick person. Ponandzi -> Red Jumpsuit Apparatus' Your Guardian Angel -> A Walk To Remember Yep, one thing led to another and I ended up watching "A Walk To Remember" on internet movie. It was a heartwarming story, with a few quotables... 1. Father and son Father: "Don't walk away!" Son: "You taught me how!" Sometimes I wonder why I didn't become like somebody who chose to walk out of our lives when I was young. Maybe I was too little to remember, or maybe it was compensated by living models who stuck around through it all, and I thank God I chose to s...

This morning I received a call from my eldest sister at about 11am saying that my uncle, who has been hospitalized due to a heart condition, had passed on just half an hour before. I was picked up, after my doctor's appointment at CGH in the afternoon, and headed to the wake. I learnt from my cousin that my uncle had stayed in the hospital for about 21 months. It sure didn't seem that long since the first time we visited him at his admission to the ICU. The initial astonishment in realising how long it had actually been was quickly superceded by the fact that my aunt (my mom's sister), had been going back and forth the hospital almost everyday to visit and look after my late uncle throughout this period, rain or shine. And it's not like she got to chat with him while she was there because he had been in a semi-conscious state ever since. My heart goes out to my aunt that she had to go through such a long and tough period in her old age. The journey to and fro must have ...

Oh, and my yearning was indeed filled at Heidi Baker's meeting tonight, well, Saturday night. The worship was awesome, I enjoyed it even as I was conducting the Choir. Heidi shared a few of her testimonies that demonstrated what the Beatitudes were about. They were real life testimonies - riches of the poor, martyrdom, dead prayed back to life, forgiveness of murderers, and of hardened hearts turned to Jesus in response to tenacious love. Many times when I hear of such amazing testimonies, I can't help but doubt if it would happen to me and my ordinary life. It does take a while to absorb and genuinely take in the amazing deeds that God is doing through these people. Then it awes me to no end when they finally sink in. God is ever in the business of saving lives. If our hearts would be tender to allow Him to work through us, I believe He will count us in. Whatever doubts I have never fail to disappear at the altar. Every step towards the front seems to cause the littlest faith...

I'm so tired... Just woke up a couple of hours ago by smses. I should have silenced it last night before I hit the bed. It's one event after another. No wonder my "RAM" is getting low. So many things to think about. Just do, do, do...no time to plan properly. There must be more to life than this. 'Cause what's the point eventually? Must catch the lessons, not just trying to achieve as much in the shortest time, trying to build a solid port folio. Yes, it's important to seize the day, but at the end, will all our efforts and achievements remain unscathed by the purifying fire. Will the fruit of our labour remain? Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Some people walk about like they are made of steel, impenetrable - weak-appear-aphobic (fear of appearing weak). Show some love, alright? I mean show it in the way that the ...

I was walking down the steps towards my unit as I pondered about certain issues concerning my students when I was reminded of the title of an article I read years ago - " Go Ahead, Say You're Sorry" . If I remember the content as well as I did the title, the article talks about apologizing and not letting our pride get in the way when we realised that we've done something wrong. And it doesn't matter even if we were not the first to offend. Make the first move to say, "Sorry", because it is right in the eyes of the Lord. I've been challenged in this area countless times with people from all parts of my life and I've come to learn that saying "Sorry" can sometimes be very difficult. I'm not talking about the kind where you accidentally stepped on somebody's toe. Ironically, the intentional ones seem more difficult to get that 5-letter word out of us. The conviction just faithfully keeps knocking at the door of our bitter, hard...

FIGHT Point of Grace - How You Live VERSE 1: How clever is my pride How it deceives my mind To think I'm in control When I've really lost it all How brilliant is my greed For what it says I need And then I come and find I'm empty on the inside Real, my heart is aching to be real So I'm coming to You CHORUS 1: With all of my broken motives All of my selfish dreams All of my foolishness Now I understand where it leads I want to be in Your love I want to be so much more I know You're reaching out So what am I fighting You for What am I fighting You for VERSE 2: How quick is my doubt To elave my hearts without The presence of Your peace So that I scarce believe How batted is my guilt To crush the life You've built TO keep me far away From any kind of change Real. my heart is aching to be real So I'm coming to You (Chorus 1) BRIDGE 'Cause only You can save me And only You can change me And only You can love me Here I come, here I come So I come to You CHORUS ...

Thank God for sms. I'm having such a bad throat that even I find myself irritating to listen to. My voice sounds so hoarse (having a vocal tone characterized by weakness of intensity and excessive breathiness; husky). I can't speak a proper sentence without at least one word with just air and no sound. So I'm losing my voice. I should have been on MC on Monday but due to rehearsals past 2 days, have to "dong" until today. Badly need to rest my voice and get enough sleep. Monday's rehearsal finished super late and with packing up and rushing out of the lucky draw coupon design, we only managed to step out of the office around 2am. Waited a long time for the cab, too. Last night's heavy down pour made completing the rehearsal impossible, so we had to pack up with 3 items left unrehearsed. Even so, I left the office around 11 plus and only managed to get a cab just at midnight. Actually my part was done before 11 but I was online trying to deal with an online...

Have you ever felt abandoned? Well, I have, and I'm very sure I'm not alone. One of the lousy feeling during such an episode is that of foolishness, especially when it appears that I am the only one hanging on and no one else seems to be bothered. Yet, I am not able to live with letting go and letting everything fall apart. Stuck. Throughout the past decade in my profession, I have gone through that see-saw ride for one time too many. Everytime I managed to get over it, it comes back and wham! right into my face, my heart, my whole person and what I believe about me in this job. I'm really not that strong. Seriously, I don't know how I've managed to stay on to what I'm doing for so long. It's one that's emotionally draining, physically tiresome, mentally nerve-wrecking and sometimes, the heartbreaks really wears me off - and this is the worst. This thing about loving and hurting, healing and opening up again that I've been preaching about, I can only...

I came across a blog entry on Proverbs 6:16-19 a few weeks ago and thought it would be great to share with readers who have been visiting my page. The article is copied here with permission from Daniel Kropf, the penman of this article. May we read this with a heart of humility and honesty and open ourselves to be corrected where the Holy Spirit's conviction can be found. THOUGHTS ON PROVERBS 6:16-19 By Daniel Kropf Pro 6:16-19 These six [things] doth the LORD hate: yea, seven [are] an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, a false witness [that] speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren. I would like to look at these 7 things from a slightly different way. I would like to look in the gospels and show how all of these things were found in the Pharisees of Christ’s day. This will hopefully stir up a little bit of self-soul-searching be...

Dear Friend, I looked back at the year of 2007 and one of the significant things I saw was the past months of friendship and just want to tell you that it has been a pleasure knowing you. I'm not sure if you feel the same way but it would thrill me greatly if you do. Nevertheless, this post is dedicated to you. For my love towards you is not directly dependent on how much you can philo* me in return, though it is what I would very much look forward to - that our friendship would grow deeper. How others would naturally respond to my friendship, has turned out to be very different when it came to you. That mismatched expectations resulted in me feeling rather perplexed and even (perhaps mistakenly) rejected. I have embraced the futility of asking you 'why?', so I resolved to asking God and myself. As a result, there were many painful episodes from which God has taken and opened my eyes to unconditional loving and how easily it can be contaminated if we're not careful bec...