Bandaged Soul...so I can open my heart to you again.

If only I knew that those cloudy eyes of yours means that you would be leaving soon, I would have stayed with you longer that night. I wouldn't have left your bedside. I would have just sat there and watch you while you sleep. Stroke your hands a little, just lightly so that I wouldn't startle you from your rest. I wouldn't have cared for anything else but to just keep you by my side. I wish I could have more exchanges of words with you, to hear your voice. I'm just beginning to realise now that I miss you. It's starting to kick in. If it was just about me, I would be whining that I'm a pitiable person because I don't think I would find anyone on this earth who would love me the way that you do. I know it is not about me. Yet I can't help feeling pitiable. What if it's true? What if it is never to be my portion? Would I really be able to take it? Lately I feel that everything is going downhill. I couldn't pick myself to do anything with purpose.

It's been a month since Mom went to be with the Lord. 30 days to be exact. I miss her a lot and it's hitting me slowly. I think it's because Mom only came back home during the weekends and during the 3-4 months when she became quite weak, she hadn't come back at all. I decided to take a day off today and pay a visit to her niche at All Saints Memorial Hall. Picked Jenny up at Eunos MRT Station after her work and went together. The PA system in the hall was playing "Amazing Grace" when we reached - one of Mom's favourite songs. We arranged her flowers (only fake ones allowed), spoke little and had our own silent moments even though we were together. Then I whipped out my iPad and iPod and we went through the family photos I store inside. Some were really funny and we laughed together. We stayed for about an hour... time went by quite quickly. I realised that I spend more time with my sisters now. David is busy with the stall so I guess it's not as easy